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Is he doing it for the right reasons?

(3 Posts)
squidge2010 Fri 05-Apr-19 15:01:04

DP and I have just started ttc (cycle 2 now) but I can't shake the feeling that he's only doing it to make me happy and that he thinks he'll lose me if he doesn't.

We've talked about it lots and it's not ideal timing but not for any hugely insurmountable reasons and as we're both mid-30s I'd rather not wait in the hope that the 'perfect time' magically happens.

We both have dc from previous relationships (me 1 and him 2) and he's always said that while he likes the idea of 1 more it's not a burning desire whereas for me, although it's crept up on me, it is. I don't think it's a deal breaker though, if he absolutely said he didn't want another child I'd be sad but I think I could live with it.

Writing this out it sounds like it's a communication problem but we've talked and talked and talked. I just don't feel convinced that he's fully on board and I don't want him to resent me if I do fall pregnant and feel like I've trapped him.

He also has a very low sex drive compared to me (we were perfectly matched while I was on the depo injection but since coming off it last year mine seems to have increased) and I'm conscious of him feeling like it's a chore when I initiate during my fertile window.

Am I just being paranoid and over thinking? He's very laid back in all aspects of life while I lean more towards high strung so maybe I'm just expecting more enthusiasm than he's got?

StarlightIntheNight Fri 05-Apr-19 15:07:01

I think you are over thinking. A lot of men will have another child because the woman wants one, because ultimately, its usually the woman carrying the child and doing a lot of the work (breastfeeding, waking at night etc). I know a lot of men who would be happy to stay at 2 kids, but agreed to a third because their partners wanted (I'm friends with the mums who said this). But I also know some men who wanted the additional children and the wives agreed or did not agree etc. I think if he has agreed to try then that a positive sign. If he really did not want another dc he would have said no.

squidge2010 Fri 05-Apr-19 15:15:23

Thank you @StarlightIntheNight, that's what the rational part of my brain is saying. He does have a tendency to follow the path of least resistance and I guess I'm just worrying that I've 'worn him down' into giving in to what I want. But then I guess bringing up a baby isn't actually the path of least resistance 😂

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