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Ovulation time and DP doesn't wasn't to baby dance

(20 Posts)
Whyhaveidonethis Thu 04-Apr-19 07:07:29

I am trying to be calm here but I'm absolutely livid. I don't live with DP and so our chances of getting PG are slim what with us both all over the place and living 140 miles apart. I'm currently in My fertile period and likely to ovulate tomorrow or the next day. I won't see him after today for a week. We had sex on Tuesday but last night he couldn't come and yesterday morning. We just tried again and he couldn't either.

His bed is really noisy and he has a lodger in the next room which he says is putting him off everytime we get started. I think ignore the noise and just do it but it just puts him off. I'm so pisses off. We both want a baby, he just doesn't seem to get that it's now or next month. Seems to think next week will be fine. Argh I'm so pissed off which is clearly not helping matters.

I just wanna cry. I'm 40, fast approaching 41 and we are running out of time.

Collectingcpd Thu 04-Apr-19 07:22:49

Honestly......it doesn’t sound like he wants a baby. If he really wanted a baby he would prioritize coming to see you at ovulation time, and (unless there is history of this), wouldn’t suddenly develop an inability to come. Is this a new problem? That aside though, I have so many questions about your set up....because it really doesn’t sound like an ideal scenario to be bringing a child into the world, assuming you aren’t planning to be a single parent.(and if you are, that’s fine). Are you going to carry on living 140 miles apart? Do you have your own house without lodgers?

Whyhaveidonethis Thu 04-Apr-19 07:55:32

@Collectingcpd we have plans to move in together but we are both in our own places until his lodger moves out in 4 months. After that he's moving to mine. I have a large house so no problems there.

We have just had a huge row. He says that he does want a baby but that he's paranoid about the noise of the bed (it's falling apart, literally when we have sex) but we are refusing to buy a new one as he's moving.

Ilovelala Thu 04-Apr-19 08:01:15

Just do it on the floor or standing up then ?

SummersB Thu 04-Apr-19 08:03:00

Surely you would just do it on the floor?!?

legalseagull Thu 04-Apr-19 08:15:21

There sounds like quite a lot of pressure! My DH had A few issues performing whilst TTC because it's all he could think about, like he was doing an exam. I can't blame him really. Forced, regimented shagging wasn't much fun for me either.

BloominSloe Thu 04-Apr-19 08:16:48

Baby dance? Do you mean sex?

ZeroFuchsGiven Thu 04-Apr-19 08:18:02

He doesn't want a baby and it sounds like you are putting too much pressure on him.

BakedBeeeen Thu 04-Apr-19 08:23:05

Wow, you are putting a lot of pressure on your DP. You being livid is likely to put more pressure on him because he knows he is letting you down. i presume when you say "he couldn't come" you mean he couldn't ejaculate, rather than he couldn't attend?

TheCraicDealer Thu 04-Apr-19 08:28:30

I don't think it's fair to jump to "he doesn't want a baby". This happened to my DH a few times and he's delighted we're expecting. You've had sex (or tried to) three times in two days, and the last two times he hasn't been able to finish. Once you start getting anxious about stuff like that then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, so I don't think a break will do him any harm.

It's frustrating as you feel like you need to maximise any chances you have, but you also need to be sensitive to him. Imagine someone literally waiting on you to orgasm knowing your bed is about to collapse and your lodger can probably hear it all- I'm not surprised he's struggling tbh!

NannyPear Thu 04-Apr-19 08:35:24

How long have you been trying to get pregnant OP? If he hasn't had issues ejaculating before I'd say he's feeling stressed about the situation. I won't necessarily jump to the conclusion he doesn't want a baby. Perhaps he wants to wait until you are living together, or maybe he feels too much pressure from you to perform?

I get it. All women are limited to a small period of the month when they can conceive, living so far apart doesn't help this. But you need to try and not make it seem like you are having sex just to have a baby. Keep in mind that we can literally lie down and do nothing in the process, the man has a more active role and if you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood...

Whyhaveidonethis Thu 04-Apr-19 08:49:15

@TheCraicDealer I think that's it, it happened once and then it's kind of like he's paranoid about it. He definitely does want a baby, it was his idea. He's driven all the way to mine to stay for 2 hours just because he knew it was my fertile time in the past.

We tried moving to the floor but by them the moment was kind of killed.

I suppose I just feel so disappointed that we now don't stand a chance this month. I'm sitting on a train crying my eyes oit

TheVanguardSix Thu 04-Apr-19 08:56:43

Why isn't he coming over to yours during your fertile periods? Why do you have to go to him and the lodger AND the noisy bed? hmm
Tell him to shift his backside to your place.

Fazackerley Thu 04-Apr-19 09:01:14

I think it depends on how long you've been trying really. Can't you wait until you move in together?

Whyhaveidonethis Thu 04-Apr-19 09:27:18

@thevanguardsix it's all to do with both our work patterns. Sometimes it's easier for me to go there sometimes the other way round.

Sullensilence Thu 04-Apr-19 09:29:35

Baby dance - vom. I hate that phrase it’s grim

Can’t you have sex at yours if he has a lodger and a squeaky bed! You’re probably making it too structured, ovulation sex to a timetable is no fun for anyone

Are you sure he wants a baby?

Whyhaveidonethis Thu 04-Apr-19 10:46:09

@Sullensilence I am definitely not making it all structured. We both have high sex drives and so it's not like we have sex specially because it's ovulation. We have it every day that we see each other. We've had sex 4 times in the past 2 days, only he couldn't come, as it was distracting.

I think us both getting in the car and driving 140 miles to have sex in my bed would be a bit structured to be fair.

Sullensilence Thu 04-Apr-19 12:14:40

Didn’t see the distance before, fair enough
Maybe you need to have a frank chat with him Incase the idea of “trying” is subconsciously freaking him out or something

anitagreen Thu 04-Apr-19 13:58:49

Couldn't you go to a hotel for the night and just make it fun? Sounds a bit boring to be honest I'm sorry that sounds rude but there's a lot of pressure there on his part and also yours

chuttypicks Thu 04-Apr-19 14:52:59

You don't even live together yet you're TTC??? Recipe for disaster.

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