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Concerned about age gap between kids as I keep trying without luck

(15 Posts)
LivMay Fri 08-Mar-19 04:49:57

I’ve been trying to conceive for two years and my daughter is 4 years old. She desperately wants a sibling and if I were to get pregnant right now they would be 5 years apart. My heart is broken but there is nothing I can do about the age gap now except to keep trying. Anyone have kids 5+ years apart and what’s it been like? What’s the relationship like between your children?
Thank you for sharing smile

Spiderbanana Fri 08-Mar-19 04:52:50

Hi OP!
My DB has 6 years between his and the kids get on just fine. The dynamic is different but they are still close.

I have 4 years between DC 2 and DC 3 and they get on great. Please don't worry about it.
Hope all goes well for you flowers

Decormad38 Fri 08-Mar-19 05:03:12

I have a 6 year gap due to those reasons. It’s great with the eldest being at uni and the youngest not going for a while. Not sure how we would have afforded two rents.

PotolBabu Fri 08-Mar-19 05:26:43

Yes I do. It’s wonderful. Very easy in the newborn stage. Almost no jealousy. They play together nicely and then do separate stuff. It’s a fab gap. I got a lie in this morning while the 7 year old read to the 2 year old.

PotolBabu Fri 08-Mar-19 05:28:09

My best friend has a 7 year gap and again they get along beautifully. There is a bit of hero worship from the younger and lots of love and adoration from the older.
Btw my sister and I have a 14 year gap. As a kid she was a third parent but as adults we are super duper close.

UncomfortableSilence Fri 08-Mar-19 05:31:17

I have just over a 5 year gap due to the same reasons.

It's fine I was able to do so many 1-1 things with DD2 while DD1 was at school, she liked helping me with the baby as she was older, I would say it is difficult now in terms of their relationship but that's just down to DD1 being an incredibly stroppy teenager confused

My friend has 9 years between and they get on amazingly, kids that are close together can not get on and it really isn't about age gaps. Try not to worry.

MaverickSnoopy Fri 08-Mar-19 06:03:58

I have a 4.5 year gap between DD1 and DD2. They have a very loving but also fraught relationship. Probably 40% loving and 60% fighting. When DD2 was a baby DD1 doted on her. In the toddler years it's been tough though - with lots of fighting and DD1 unintentionally copying toddler behaviour. Sort of "well she did it so it must be ok" in response to normal toddler behaviour. She does have dyspraxia and shows traits of adhd so that could make a difference.

There's a 7 year gap between DD1 and DD3 and 2 years between DD2 and DD3. DD1 dotes on DD3 and is amazing with her. DD2 has been positive towards a new sibling and likes to cuddle her but so far that's her level of interest. We'll see how it pans out over time.

I think people worry about age gaps more with the fewer children they have. I have a friend who has an 8 year old and she's pregnant with her fourth. I have another friend who had her fourth when her eldest was 10. No one batted an eye lid and the parents honestly aren't worried about it.

My sister and I had a 6 year age gap. I can't say I really noticed her much until I was about 10. We use to fight a lot when we were tweens/teens/early twenties. We get on very well now though.

I think there are many factors at play here and whether they get on or not doesn't just come down to age.

Kokeshi123 Fri 08-Mar-19 06:11:34

We have a big age gap. My first got lots of 1-1 time with me, my second is now getting lots of 1-1 time with me when eldest is at school. My eldest loves being a big sis, and it is awesome to watch her playing with baby and showing her toys, reading to her--and it makes baby care very very relaxing and easy for me. No fighting, jealousy or competition. They adopt different roles in the family, basically.

The downsides are that you spread your childrearing years over more years and get to be an empty nester later, and career wise, you do have a couple more years with your work stuff on the back burner. In areas which are car-dependent, I think it could be tough having to cart kids around to different things (this is not an issue for us though as I live in a country where we have good PT and older kids/teens are expected to get themselves here and there).

All in all, I like having a big age gap.

As adults, intra-sibling relationships are mainly about how similar their personalities are IME, not about how close they are in age. Siblings with dissimilar characters usually grow apart as they get older even if they played together a lot as kids. Other siblings get closer as they got older, even if they were born years apart, if their personalities and interests are aligned. It's mostly luck of the draw, I think--never have kids assuming they will be best buddies in the long term, because this is very hard to control.

Don't worry, seriously. Kids do great with all kinds of family setups and structures.

Toomanycats99 Fri 08-Mar-19 06:25:31

I have a 4y age gap so not quite so big. Biggest benefit I found was you could leave the baby on the floor etc and not have to worry if the oldest would try and pick them up or something because they are old enough to understand.

Myfoolishboatisleaning Fri 08-Mar-19 06:30:27

I have a very small gap, (15 months) my sister has a very large gap (7 years) both absolutely delightful, in so many ways!

moleeye Fri 08-Mar-19 06:32:34

Very similar situation, I wanted a small age gap but took us over 2 years to conceive.

My DD is 4.5 and I'm 37 weeks with #2. She is beyond excited and honestly I'm not sure how we would have coped with two sets of nursery fees!

It's actually worked out for the best for us x

KTD27 Fri 08-Mar-19 06:34:37

8 year gap between me and my sister and we are best friends. Try not to worry - closeness in age does not make a close sibling relationship necessarily.
On a different note I wish you well TTC it can be really tough when it doesn’t quite work the way you thought. Have you seen a doc?

piratehooker Fri 08-Mar-19 06:42:41

10 years between my sister and I, with a brother in the middle somewhere, but still a 7 year gap between him and little sister. We are all close, the smaller gap between me and DB, and the bigger gap between me and DSis have not been an issue for us at all. I adore my little sister, and of course the dynamics are different, more protective of her and more 'equal' (as in I can tease him more) with my brother, but not in a negative manner. All adults now, and we respect each other and have a great dynamic. One thing I will say, is I feel my sister grew up faster than us older 2, because she had older siblings to mimic. She didn't lose out on a childhood, but had that more mature outlook sooner... but who's to say that's not just who she is, and it would have happened even if she were the oldest!

Peachyx2505 Fri 08-Mar-19 07:33:13

There was 14 years between my sister and I and it was great! She used to take me out and do all the cool stuff once I was old enough, as she was driving. We had a great bond and relationship. Sadly she passed away in 2013.

We are currently ttc #2 and our only child is 6. He will make a great big brother I'm sure.

Big age gaps have their positives and negatives like everything else.... but at the end of the the day they will make their own special bond and love each other 😍

LivMay Fri 08-Mar-19 15:48:33

Thank you for sharing everyone! I feel less worried about it now smile My daughter will be a wonderful older sister, she’s just so ready for it now lol!

I suppose it’s the pressure from my daughter and myself after letting TTC consume me the last two years. It’s very hard to move on in your regular life.

For those of you who had troubles conceiving did you find out what the problem was or anything that helped you get pregnant?

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