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Desperate to have a baby but dont feel ready.

(7 Posts)
Beckslouu Thu 28-Feb-19 21:17:57

Hi I dont know if im at the right place for this so I'm sorry if I'm wrong. I am desperate to become a mum. I have never felt so strongly about anything before its killing me. Me and my partner are both nearly 24. We have been together for 2 years and living together for 1 year. We have spoken a lot about wanting a family but there is so much to take into consideration. Currently we are both off work. He has been off work for 3 months now due to depression/anxiety. I took time out due to stress but planning on going back in 2 or 3 weeks. Once I am back I will be learning to drive again so that's one step closer to being ready. I feel I am ready emotionally and more determined than ever to get back on track but im not financially ready. My relationship is amazing and we know we want our future together so we are very secure. But my partner is not ready at all and is terrified. He feels he will never be ready and is terrified he will never be well enough to be a good dad. I understand how difficult it is to suffer with mental health so I feel so selfish for wanting a baby now. He will be an amazing dad even though he doesn't believe it himself. How do you cope with the intense broodiness and what can I do to help my partner feel better about this? And how can you tell when you are truly ready? Again I am sorry if I'm at the wrong place for this.

ReaganSomerset Fri 01-Mar-19 12:57:30

Get a cat. Or a dog if you work close enough to home to let it out during the day.

Redken24 Fri 01-Mar-19 12:58:22

Get a pet and pass your driving test.

Karigan195 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:01:14

Um you’re both of work with mental health related issues (stress anxiety etc) and you want to add a small dictator who will cause fatigue to the mix? Are you nuts? Get yourselves mentally healthy first. Take the time you need. Maybe try something lower maintenance like a dog or cat first and give it a bit of time. You’re only 24 there is no rush

ReaganSomerset Fri 01-Mar-19 13:18:00

Also, adopt an adult cat if you're getting a cat and ask the shelter for an affectionate one or a lapcat. They will know who to suggest. If you pick a kitten it may well grow up to ignore/hide from you.

DuffBeer Fri 01-Mar-19 13:26:53

I think it's a bit short sighted to claim that he will be an amazing Dad. I actually think he is being very sensible and quite rightly considering the impact a child will have on his mental health.

I can assure you, having a child will turn your world upside down. Yes there are good bits, of course, but my god it is challenging in the extreme.

You both need to be emotionally stable and financially sound before you should even consider having a baby. I get that hormones can be intense, but you really need to think sensibly about this.

woolduvet Fri 01-Mar-19 13:48:30

To me it's down to having enough money too. Do you want to be a family who is scrimping to live.
Get back to work and save, your dp will feel readier when life is stacked in your favour.

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