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I feel so broken.

(31 Posts)
raspberrylime123 Fri 22-Feb-19 00:08:32

I can’t keep looking at negative tests and seeing blood. I literally feel like I’m having a breakdown over this. Please help how do I cope

VenusStarr Fri 22-Feb-19 07:08:58

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Ttc is the hardest thing I've ever done. How long have you been trying? I've recently started counselling which has helped a bit. I'm still struggling with low mood and low motivation. Do you track your cycle like temping or using apps? I got obsessed over these so had to stop myself. I loosely use ovia but only to enter when my period starts, I don't look at it for the rest of the month, so I'm not conscious of my cycle day.

We've been referred to a fertility clinic now as we're 16 cycles in. That has changed my mindset a bit as I feel like something can happen, it's being taken seriously.

Good luck, it's so shit x

BettyBe Fri 22-Feb-19 07:21:28

I've stopped taking tests. The sight of negative pregnancy tests is really very depressing and (for me) worse than seeing my period arrive.

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 07:28:33

Stop taking them, ur obviously obsessing over it and worrying, it wnt happen if ur so stressed! I done the same as you then got so fed I stopped testing, I felt like what's the point! Then my period was 10 days late before I tested! Right up till I tested I just told my self that my periods where late! (Usually a couple of days late not 10) not I have a gorgeous 14month old! Just relax and "give up" (I know it's crazy hard)

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 07:29:25

Typos 🤦🏼‍♀️ sorry

Luxembourgmama Fri 22-Feb-19 07:38:00

Have you tried to get medical help. I was really struggling but am feeling better since we've been seeing an infertility doctor.

flyingplum Fri 22-Feb-19 07:46:52

I agree with the others - stop testing. It's horrible. Getting AF is still a bit rubbish, but it doesn't feel as awful as seeing the negative and then have that brief flicker of hope stamped out. Xx

ivf2019 Fri 22-Feb-19 09:44:03

So sorry you're feeling so low @raspberrylime123, it really is awful.
I don't think that "stop obsessing and worrying" is helpful advice - if someone had a health concern nobody would tell them to stop worrying about it. It feeds into the idea that you're doing something to stop yourself from getting pregnant which you're not.

Good suggestion from @VenusStarr about counselling. I haven't had proper one-on-one counselling but did manage to get a 5 week group CBT course through a local service that my GP recommended which helped a little. Could you look into local services or speak to your GP?

Also, I've found that I find it a little less difficult now that I have a plan in place - have you had any fertility investigations? If you've been trying over a year (or 6 months if you're over 35) you can speak to your GP about it and they'll likely arrange some blood tests to check you're ovulating and poss a sperm test for your partner. It's a good first step.

I'm sure you've already thought of this too but is there anything you can do to help relax? Colouring books, knitting, reading, massage, walking... any hobbies that give you a little "you" time to try and switch your brain off? Knitting and acupuncture have helped me in that respect.

Good luck and hope you find yourself feeling better (and preferably pregnant!) soon xx

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 09:56:52

Doctors will say trying stop stressing and thinking about it aswell .

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 09:57:21

How long have u been trying for op?

VenusStarr Fri 22-Feb-19 10:10:31

Mine didn't say that @loveskaka. He said make sure we're dtd regularly and that it can take the average couple up to a year. Luckily he didn't blame my stress levels on my inability to conceive. Like @ivf2019 said, telling someone to relax and it will happen is unhelpful.

ivf2019 Fri 22-Feb-19 10:30:20

Mine didn't either. If stress stopped women from conceiving then nobody with high-stress jobs or living in warzones would ever get pregnant.

Stress is unhelpful for your mental health I agree, and trying to conceive is particularly stressful, but there's such an element of underlying blame to saying that "if you stop thinking about it it'll happen".

rubyroot Fri 22-Feb-19 10:37:24

Hi all three times I conceived I was on a break from work (only one led to a baby) But, that may be coincidence, there have been studies that confirm there is no link between conception and lack of stress

rubyroot Fri 22-Feb-19 10:38:14

But, do stop testing, if you are several days late then that is when to test

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 10:58:12

Ok, keep stressing and being uptight. 🤷🏼‍♀️

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 10:59:10

I am not saying stress stops you from conceiving but it certainly dsnt help!

ivf2019 Fri 22-Feb-19 11:30:29

Ok, keep stressing and being uptight. 🤷🏼‍♀️

How kind.

ivf2019 Fri 22-Feb-19 11:31:20

The OP doesn't actually say that she is taking multiple tests or is stressing particularly. She's just down (understandably) and has had some good advice.

OP, hope you feel better soon.

raspberrylime123 Fri 22-Feb-19 11:42:01

I’m on cycle 6 now so not much really, my heart breaks for anyone who has been trying for even longer. Thank you all for advice, not sure about counselling as I had it before for another issue and it did the opposite of helping. Everyone seems to say not stressing helps but I don’t know how to stop really. I keep doing the whole “yoga, bubble baths, typical relaxation” stuff and I literally don’t know how to relax ahah. Sometimes wish cheap tests weren’t available so I wasn’t always thinking I might as well do one!

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 11:42:36

Ok then dnt stress?? Oh I am not allowed to say that either

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 11:46:45

So it does sound like ur stressing and obsessing as you've not been trying long. So please, I know it's hard but you could have another couple of months of this and you will end up miserable if u keep worrying. People are talking about u going to the docs without even asking how long you've been trying! So to me that would worry me if I have people saying that and talking about ivf etc. There's nothing to worry about ur still in the very early stages of TTC. Where you on the pill?

ivf2019 Fri 22-Feb-19 11:52:48

@Loveskaka I won't be responding to any of your messages any more. Nobody has mentioned IVF to the OP. Have a biscuit.

OP, I'd assumed you'd been trying for longer. It can take a year for healthy couples with no issues to conceive so you're relatively early on and chances are it'll happen soon. Just keep having regular sex, no smoking & cut back on booze (if you drink). Good luck.

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 13:18:53

I'm not asking or care if you respond to my me 🤷🏼‍♀️.
There has been mentioned of a medical help and going to fertility clinics which wnt be helping OP and will get her think that she will have to go dwn that route. I think it's better me saying try to relax than talking about doctors and medical help and fertility doctors. She's only been trying for a short time!

VenusStarr Fri 22-Feb-19 13:56:05

No one suggested she go to a fertility clinic though. Clearly a few of us who replied have experience of infertility and have been trying a lot longer than the OP so are at that stage to seek medical support / advice / intervention.

Good luck OP.

loveskaka Fri 22-Feb-19 14:18:22

Maybe yous should have ask how long she had been trying before mentioning yourselves having to end up going to fertility clinic, as she's going to worry that she may have to do that.

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