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The unexpectedly difficult part of successful IVF [sensitive]

(5 Posts)
frozennose Thu 21-Feb-19 22:15:08

Had unexpected secondary infertility with DC2 after an easy pregnancy with DC1. It was male factor so decent chance of IVF working - we started IVF, had a fresh cycle which sadly did not work out but had some good embryos frozen. Used one in a frozen cycle and was successful, very over the moon and DC2 is here safe and sound. So I appreciate we are lucky to have gotten what we want.

However the part I hadn't really given any consideration to is to what happens to the other frosties. We have to decide whether to keep them in storage or discard them. We are 99.9% sure we don't want any more children yet I still feel sad about the 'potentials' of the embryos. I know we will end up discarding them but I am finding it hard to process how I feel about that. If this round hadn't worked out then one of them might have become our second child! The process is so bound up with doing everything you can to getting a successful pregnancy that this situation hadn't really been raised. Am I daft to be worrying about it?

I think I'll also feel weird - almost ashamed - telling my parents etc what is happening to them. Yet they don't expect us to be having any more.

The IVF was all-consuming at the time and now it almost feels like it happened to someone else.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 21-Feb-19 22:18:46

Don't they offer you any kind of counselling for this scenario OP? Do you have to make a decision now? Maybe you can put it off for a year or two? Very difficult... sorry, I have no advice flowers

frozennose Thu 21-Feb-19 22:20:55

The IVF was over a year ago so we could do with the money if we're not paying for storage. Likewise if you decide you want to donate to research, to a couple or discard they do offer a consultation to discuss but they will charge us!
The clinic was effective but not great at keeping us informed really. All about what the next appointment was.

thanks for the flowers

CrabbityRabbit Thu 21-Feb-19 22:24:05

How would you feel about donating them? Either to another set of potential parents or to research? That could be a very difficult but potentially rewarding decision. You don't have to do anything quickly.

frozennose Thu 21-Feb-19 22:34:23

I couldn't donate to potential parents - I just couldn't live knowing biological children were out there.
Donating to research is what we had in mind when I said 'discarding' them, so that's the most likely scenario.
I just found this article that's actually really helpful (although based in the US so all the legal stuff doesn't necessarily apply):

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