IVF - would you risk twins if you already have a toddler?

[popeye123]

perhaps this should be for the multiply birth board!

thinking of having IVF again but unsure as to how many we select to go back in.
two increases the chances of a success but also of having twins. we already have a 18mth old - should we risk twins....or risk it not working at all?????

sorry if this sounds like i'm being ungrateful. know i'm v.lucky to have 1 and that i'm lucky to still have a chance at another.
DD was a result of 2nd attempt. both times we had 2 put back in.

[mslucy]

Umm.

Do you work?

Do you have a big enough house?

Can you afford a new car?

Are your family supportive?

I would answer no to all the above (apart from work) but would still give it ago.

i have a 2 year old and want another and would be prepared to take the risk.

I think you would too.

[QueenofBleach]

Go fotr it my SIL knows someone in her village who ad 1, then twins and then triplets so ended up with 6 under 5's in the house

[QueenofBleach]

All concieved natuarrlly

[popeye123]

umm

no
yes
yes
no

still don't know though
its been hard with DD as i have no support (DH great but works long hours). have often thought - how do people with twins manage!. would onviously have much more confidence next time round.
using frozen ones next time and chance of success is even lower than fresh ivf.

[Sticki]

Yes I would take the risk, and I have a 2 year old as well. I have thought about this alot as we are going to start IVF again in the autumn (had 3xiui and 2xivf failed cycles and then DD conceived naturally). I would rather have twins than no more children. Always wanted 3 children anyway. I know we are vvvv lucky to have DD and more would be a miracle.

But it is a very personal decision.
Good luck !

[Glimmer]

Don't know much about this but have been following the recent media discussion on this.
One argument was that there are more complications with twin births than single births. Is that something you want to factor in? What are the difference in probabilities of frozen via fresh? Good luck!

[Sticki]

Also, a close friend has twins and although I think the 1st year is v hard once they are older it doesnt seem so bad. Of course the financial impact is greater with twins which can be a problem.

[chopster]

take a look on the multiples board, there are lots of us who have had twins with a toddler already. I personally ended up with 4 under 5 when mine were born. As for the checklist, sod it. Mine were born into a two bed flat, family miles away, and our car was a fiesta. We survieved and I wouldn't change it for a second. I think if you want children badly enough to be going through the stress of IVF, then I would go for two. If it's twins you will manage, but at least you have that bigger chance of success. There are plenty of pluses to having twins too, I lvoe having my four children close together in age, when the sun is out they all have so much fun tearng around.

[mslucy]

checklist was just a pros/cons thing.

I am far too ruled by my heart/hormones to follow a checklist!

[chopster]

financially, you don't quite have to have double of everything when they are small, but the biggest factor I think is childcare. If long term you only want/can afford two, it can be a big struggle. I can't even think about going out to work yet.

[chopster]

I'm not getting at you, jsut sharing that my experiences go against everythign that your head should think about, and it can be done.

[mslucy]

I'd love twins.

I've always had a secret desire for them.

though my ds would be inscandescent with jealousy!!!

[popeye123]

i'm 36. have been told success rate on fresh is 40% , frozen 25% assuming 2 are put back in both times. bearing in mind had 2 both times before and ended up with DD the numbers probably do speak for themselves....

i wondered though, IF my body only had to cope with accepting 1 rather than 2, would it be more likely to succeed? Should I be less obsessed about numbers and think about which method was most likely to succeed...?

sticki - your comment "I would rather have twins than no more children" is hitting home.
until this week i was adamant I'd wouldn't risk twins but i'm now feeling less optomistic about the whole thing. was a bit too blazee before now, with my last IVF attempt being over 2 years ago, but its all coming back to me

the concerns with actually having twins are not about the pregancy or birth - perhaps i should be more concerned? had caesrean last time anyway. its not finanical. its about the support. got none with DD. now have Mummy friends who could at least help with DD and she would probably be at pre-school then anyway.
Can't help feeling that if I ended up with 3 under 3's and struggled that there would be an elliment that i brought it on myself.

thanks for helping ladies, i really need this right now x

[popeye123]

mslucy - your checklist IS a help. I need to figure out exactly what my concerns are.
chopster - you're an inspiration!

[chopster]

newborn twins arent that bad, especially once you get through the really early bit of up all hours. Is your partner supportive? Liek I said, we didn't have family nearby but my dp was great and helping with the night times and lets me get a break when I need to.

I actually think it is worst once they get mobile, and they both off in oppostie directions and egg each other on to get up to all sorts of naughtiness. If you got pg now, your dd would be nearly 4 by that time, and in preschool, so it wouldn't be so bad.

[popeye123]

DH is great but couldn't help much during the night because of his job. i bf 1st time and would want to again (but doubt it could be for as long with twins or would have to combine feed sooner) but as DD still isn't a great sleeper I've got used to broken nights anyway!
DD would be 2.5-3 but yes, still old enough for pre-school.

[homemama]

I have no experience of IVF or twins but just wanted to say that your first is always more of a struggle/adjustment. Also, they would have each other for comfort and entertainment which would be nice.

Only you can decide but I think you should consider whether you'd be happier with one child than 3 children. So rate 1,2 and 3 in order of preference (clearly 2 at the top)

Good luck, whatever you decide

[chopster]

I may be wrong but I worked it out to be nearly 4 by the time twins would be mobile, which IMO is when it does get harder. While they are sleeping a lot it isn't quite so hard to juggle things. I bfed for 6 months, but did express it into bottles and then give it to them, as it is difficult when oyua re stuck on the sofa and have a toddler running around. DP used to help at night with nappies and things.

[MarsLady]

popeye why don't you pop over (sorry sounds like a deliberate pun ) to the d'ya ever thread and ask the multiple mums what having twins is actually like? Rather than the second hand stories come and get some "out of the horse's mouth" stories.

Personally, I can't imagine being without my wee weapons of mass destruction . DTs can be exhausting, but so so much fun.... (when not depositing Toilet Duck all over the floor).

Whatever you decide.... I wish you all the best.

[lmr1]

How bizarre this is exactly the question I have been asking myself for the last 6 months... I am now currently on my 2 WW! we put to embies back in as halfway through the treatment we had a bit of scare and it became apparent to me that I would rather have twins than no more children at all despite all the problems that I would incur and the effect it would have on our lives.. so when push came to shove for me after 6 months of deliberation it was a simple choice...

Once I had made my decision it didn't seem as scary ...(I say this now... lets see what happens

[suss]

absolutely would rather have twins than no sibling at all.

[duchesse]

Having three under 5s is always going to be hard work, whether they twins, triplets or singletons. Loads of us do it, we usually survive it and emerge the other side to tell the tale (3 singletons in four years and 2 weeks in our case).

Whatever you end up with, I am willing to eat my hat if you are unhappy at the number you end up "taking home". (assuming a number above 0)

[flibbertyjibbet]

Yes, well not me, but my friend had singleton girl then twins 18 months later! It was complete chaos for a couple of years... but wonderful chaos iykwim.
Two is better than none.

[popeye123]

thanks so much everyone. sorry i haven't responded sooner but i haven't been able to log on. your advice has been fanstastic.
we've been thinking long and hard about this and the situation is that the odds on it being successful at all using frozen embies is less than if we were having a fresh cycle. so we are going to do what we can to put the odds in our favour which does mean putting 2 back in. I doubt this will result in twins but, thanks to your support, even if it did the idea doesn't scare the hell out of me anymore. i just had to decide what i feared most - having twins or not having another baby. the latter bothered me more. (DH is still scared stiff about the twin thing so if/when the time comes I will go onto the multiples board )

so wish me luck everyone !

Imr - hope all is going well with you. i know this is a horrible time. your body can play terrible tricks on you and you are aware of every twinge. look after yourself and try not to worry xxx

[pinkys]

hiya, well good luck with everything and if u do fall pregant with twins, i wouldnt worry about it, my cousion fell pregant naturally with twins when she was 20. she was with the partner, and she had a brilliant birth, natural and no stitches, we couldnt belive it!! lol
but her partner is not very supportive, so she does struggle, he works alot but down the pub alot too, lol
it will be hard work, but where theres a will there a way lol