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Crushing disappointment of TTC

(1000 Posts)
TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 08:31:57

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative sad

AllySC Fri 04-Jan-19 20:42:32

@mass22 keeping my fingers crossed for you x

TheChineseChicken Fri 04-Jan-19 21:04:55

Where is everyone else in their cycle? CD12 here, should ovulate around the 15th so currently DTD every other day

TheChineseChicken Fri 04-Jan-19 21:05:25

I mean ovulate around CD15, not the 15th

mass22 Fri 04-Jan-19 21:24:52

Thank you @AllySC. I'm due my period in 5 days and had spotting today, of course I'm wondering if it's implantation bleeding but more than likely just period spotting. It's such a roller coaster!

Waiting every month for a period or not is hard. Hope there's more positive news for everyone soon! X

TheChineseChicken Fri 04-Jan-19 22:13:20

I find something that just be a sign every month! It never is grin

mass22 Fri 04-Jan-19 22:33:18

@TheChineseChicken I'm the same. Every time I'm bloated I'm think this is it! And I have IBS! The mind certainly likes to play tricks.

Need to calm down a bit as started getting resentful of friends who have succeeded. Green eyed monster is coming out and it's not good envyconfused xx

CatchingBabies Fri 04-Jan-19 22:55:23

I understand that it’s tough getting a negative when you are TTC but I do feel you perhaps have unrealisticly high expectations which isn’t helping you. Up to 12 months TTC is considered normal before getting pregnant and it sounds like you’ve always fallen pregnancy in that time span so there’s no reason to think there are any underlying issues or that you won’t again. Try and remember that this is normal and don’t worry that it will never happen. Fingers crossed for your BFP soon!

TheChineseChicken Sat 05-Jan-19 07:44:30

Catching you're absolutely correct and I know that really but it's still hard to be optimistic and patient. I have friends who have really struggled including one who took 5 years to conceive her second so that plays on my mind.

mass22 Sat 05-Jan-19 10:52:21

@TheChineseChicken I have a friend that just conceived after 3 weeks so it's so hard to go on other people. Calming the mind sounds key. However you can clear your obsessive thoughts would be helpful. Shopping and yoga help me grin.

I woke up this morning and was thinking about it straight away so I know it's hard. But sounds like it's natural to worry, there just needs to be a balance so it doesn't become overwhelming xx

Amorea Sat 05-Jan-19 13:57:57

I've been TTC for a year now and I don't know if I've got the emotional capacity to keep going - I've never felt quite this low before about it. I really hoped this month was 'the' month.

I need to kick myself to be more positive but at the moment I'm feeling like it'll never happen, so maybe stopping TTC might be the best thing. It's hard on your mental health.

Lots of luck to everyone x

dottyp0104 Sat 05-Jan-19 14:18:34

Hi ladies, we have been TTC number 2 since April. Im 37 and my daughter is 6. I didn't really have plans to have another child but found out in April I was pregnant. I was so shocked but unfortunately miscarried at around 8 weeks. Now I am desperate to have another. My period is due in 4 days and I am dreading another bfn. 😔

Blondemother Sat 05-Jan-19 20:15:43

I have no idea where I am this cycle - I was getting a bit too wrapped up in 2WWs and DPO so I stopped myself looking st the calendar this month to give my head a break!

seven201 Sat 05-Jan-19 20:51:39

I feel your pain. I'm ttc for dc 2. Been a year now, including one early mc on cycle 2. That baby's due date was in November and I assumed I'd be pregnant again by now. It's just shit. I've got a sub fertility appt next month so that's taken the stress off a bit. I've also recently started acupuncture. I lost weight early on in ttc but put quite a bit on over Xmas so I need to get back on it!

Sometimes I give myself a bit of a mental slap round the face with a wet fish. I have friends going through IVF (2 failed goes so far, now has to pay) and I have a friend whose baby is 'incompatible with life' and she is five months and will have to give birth to a baby that will already be dead or die shortly afterwards. My baby problems are completely insignificant compared to theirs.

I try and be thankful for what I have and have faith that it will probably happen. That said when my period arrives each month I am a miserable bitch for a few days!

Good luck to everyone!

TheChineseChicken Sat 05-Jan-19 21:45:43

mass I'm not generally too bad day-to-day although it is on my mind all the time. The repetition every month gets so boring though! At least my cycles are back down to 29 days now - before having DC1 they were anything from 30 to 45 days so that made things a lot harder and slower.
I'm glad you have some distraction techniques.

Amorea I know what you mean about 'this is the month'. I thought that in December but here we are. Sorry you are finding it so hard to deal with. As it has been a year have you been to your GP to talk to them about it?

dotty sorry about your loss. Keeping fingers crossed for you for a few days time.

seven thanks I hope your appointment next week is helpful. Don't feel that you're not allowed to be sad or disappointed because you've had an easier time than some others. This is a very personal thing.

mass22 Sat 05-Jan-19 22:55:38

"This is the month" is a real killer. It's
mentally and emotionally so draining and disappointing.

Are there any health tips whilst TTC? I know a healthy diet and exercise is important (not that I've been great!) but also supplements etc? I've been taking folic acid but not sure if that's enough or the right thing for conceiving. Not sure if DH could/should be taking anything also!

Roguebludger Sun 06-Jan-19 07:05:55

Please can I join? We're ttc number 2. DS1 is nearly 2. I'm on cycle 5 and was due on yesterday but another negative. I've put my life on hold to get pregnant. Miserable and stressed in my job. The plan was to work until second mat leave then SAHM and not return. Every month I end up testing every day for at least a week and then uncontrollable crying with each negative! I have been ovulation testing and dtd every other day through cycle, what am I missing??

Blondemother Sun 06-Jan-19 08:09:43

You're not missing anything Roguebludger- with a healthy couple and perfect timing there's something like a 20-30% chance of conceiving each month. If you're having plenty of sex at the right time, the rest is luck. Annoyingly.

I'm sorry you feel life is on hold and work is rubbish, is there any way you could change job, or do you need to stay for the mat pay? It's hard living in limbo not knowing how long things will take.

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 08:17:21

mass TBH I don't think there is much you can do to improve chances as long as you're generally healthy. I take conception supplements (at great cost!) but doubt they make a difference. I think there is more opportunity for men to improve sperm count via diet and lifestyle choices though. You can have private sperm assessments for bit too much money so you could invest in that for peace of mind?

Rogue the limbo is terrible, isn't it? I keep getting invitations for things later in the year that I don't want to commit to, then feel like an idiot. Part of me thinks I should just carry on with life regardless. Maybe give yourself a deadline for work?

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 08:17:51

* not too much money

Roguebludger Sun 06-Jan-19 08:26:11

Thank you, blondemother and Chinesechicken I've got myself so obsessed about having another I can't think clearly about deadlines but that might give me something to look forward to do will talk to DH about it. Has anyone done anyone fertility testing?

Jent13c Sun 06-Jan-19 08:27:37

I was 2 years the first time, quit my job, went back to uni and then of course it happened. I know the issue is with my husband but still just takes one sperm and one egg! Absolutely terrified to try again and I feel like we are almost there...really hope it happens quick this time or I care a bit less this time. Hoping toddler keeps me busy enough.

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 08:55:10

Rogue I had some the first time around - hormone checks and a scan of ovaries. Of course they all came back fine then I got pregnant almost immediately! If you're concerned then see your GP but I think at 5 months they'll just say keep trying (unless you have underlying health problems I suppose).

Jent a friend of mine took 2 years the first time then only 3 months with the second so you never know!

mass22 Sun 06-Jan-19 09:01:01

Thanks @TheChineseChicken. Think I just need to calm down a bit. I'm doing the same with future plans though. Holding off on plans just in case and I think from now on I won't.

@Roguebludger I feel your pain. Don't want to leave a job I'm not interested in anymore for the mat leave but it's not happening. Just had my period today, 4 sodding days early and it's def a period sad. Another month down!

@Blondemother I didn't know that there was a such a low percentage each month to conceive. That puts it in perspective more. It really does come down to luck.

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 09:04:33

mass sorry about your period thanks

Roguebludger Sun 06-Jan-19 17:02:41

Mass I'm sorry about your period. It's so gutting when it happens.

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