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Crushing disappointment of TTC

(1000 Posts)
TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 08:31:57

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative sad

ScarletGlow Sat 22-Dec-18 11:04:24

Ahh sorry it's getting you down, and sorry about your miscarriage too. flowers

It does feel disappointing every time you wait and wait only for a negative result. I've been there, fishing tests out of the bin like a crazy person!

Its natural to compare your experiences to the ones of those around you, because they are more relatable, human stories. But maybe you could look at the numbers instead. Statistically it's not unusual to be trying for 5 months without a positive result yet. 6-12 months is more realistic, sometimes even a little longer. There's roughly a 25% chance of conceiving every month, which is tough but of course your chances are better the longer you try. You can also up your chances by timing sex around your fertile week.

Do you know how many days past ovulation you are? Maybe there is still time for a positive result this month? x

TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 11:30:02

Thanks Scarlet, I know everything you say is true. I should be on day 12 post ovulation so still time this month yet. And I need to remember that last time I felt like it would never happen but it did twice so there's no reason it won't happen again. It's just so frustrating! And I'm a very impatient person grin

Torsz Sat 22-Dec-18 11:36:45

You just have to try and focus on the good things about your life and try not to let it get you down. I know it's easier said than done... we were ttc for nearly 2 years before we finally had our bfp in September - and it felt like the longest 2 years of my life in all honesty.. and I'm expecting to have the same thing when we get to #2. But hopefully it'll be worth the wait!!

avoschmado Sat 22-Dec-18 11:59:51

It'll all come good in the end. How old are you? And your dd?

TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 12:09:20

You can never predict, Torsz. Maybe it will be quicker for you second time around.

I'm late 30s and DD is 2.5. So biology isn't hugely on my side although I'm generally fit and healthy

Teddie1 Sat 22-Dec-18 12:22:07

@TheChineseChicken I completely empathise with you and am in a very similar boat. We have been trying for a year and every month I am crushed all over again. I symptom spot like crazy, work myself up and have a drawer full pregnancy tests that I side eye from ovulation. They are never positive. I feel like a lunatic but I can't help it.
To make matters worse a few people very close to me have just found out they are expecting (after a very short time of ttc or completely by accident!) and I find it almost impossible to be around them without falling apart.
Fingers crossed you you - just keep trying, as we will, and hopefully sooner or later it will happen. It happened before for you so it should again smile xx

TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 17:20:36

Teddie is this your first or second. Really hoping it works out for you soon. We have just had an announcement of a pregnancy in a Christmas card and non drinking friends at Christmas parties. It's hard to stay philosophical!

MummyBearBoo Sat 29-Dec-18 01:10:21

Ok if I join? Been TTC baby #2 Technically on cycle #2 where we've been DTD following positive OPK but been off bc for 7 months (I don't have totally regular cycles they're usually 5-6 weeks!). I have 1 DD who is 3 at end of Jan and had a TFMR in December 2017 which was a boy! Would really like this December to bring good news! I am 10dpo but haven't tested yet but am getting really bad heartburn at the mo which I had with my first pregnancy but only later on I'm also getting cramps!

owlyhoot Sat 29-Dec-18 13:56:07

Hello mind if I join? TTC my first after being on the pill for 11 years on and off. I thought it would be so easy to fall. I really did, 3rd cycle and I've just come on and very sad about it (had a weep in the car!) Just wondered if you guys had any words of wisdom thay could make me feel better about it all. I'm 28, but I am already panicing about everything xx

Blondemother Sat 29-Dec-18 20:54:53

It’s not magical and wonderful after a few months is it? My commiserations, I’m in this crappy boat too. Do you drink? I’m having a big glass of wine in a roasting hot bath which is taking the edge of slightly.

MummyBearBoo Sat 29-Dec-18 23:40:07

OMG bath and wine that sounds amazing will have to try that - was feeling good about this month but now I feel pessimistic- AF due 2nd or 3rd so we'll see!

owlyhoot Sun 30-Dec-18 06:14:03

I dont really drink as I'm trying to lose weight. But a bath sounds nice. I might have one tomorrow to sooth my poor ovaries haha

TheChineseChicken Sun 30-Dec-18 19:17:07

Sorry everyone, Christmas got in the way so I didn't check in. This month is out again - just finishing my period. At least I got to drink over the festive period.

No words of wisdom here I'm afraid, it's just a waiting game. I should really be more realistic about things since it took me a year to get pregnant that first time but you can't help thinking it will be quicker second tine around. To those who are just a few months into trying though, don't despair. It really is just a gamble every month and not necessarily a reflection on your fertility.

Going to try extra hard in January!

OceanPearl Sun 30-Dec-18 21:34:18

I can completely emphasise! TTC number 2, DD has just turned 3.
We’ve been TTC since September and in my fairytale world I was going to be pregnant by Christmas and do a magical pregnancy announcement to family and friends! We didn’t TTC with our daughter, she was a happy surprise, so I naively thought number 2 would be easy! Countless OPK’s and FRERS later and still BFN.
Currently sitting with a glass of wine and wondering if 2019 will be our year.
Baby dust to all for 2019 xx

AllySC Mon 31-Dec-18 15:23:55

Hello, I hope you don’t mind if I join. I’m in the same boat (TTC number 1 for 5 months) and just got my period this morning - it’s crushing! Finding it difficult not to catastrophise and assume that one/both of us is infertile (I’m 32, DH is 33). Really comforting to know others understand. Hoping 2019 is the year for all of you (and us!) 🤞

MummyBearBoo Tue 01-Jan-19 12:40:35

My AF started yesterday which is less than 2 weeks after ovulation??

TheChineseChicken Wed 02-Jan-19 18:28:46

Welcome everyone!

Going to start trying tonight for this month - currently CD10 and usually ovulate around CD15. Every month I convince myself the reason it didn't work was because of DTD on the wrong days, the wrong number of times etc so going to try extra hard this month!

mass22 Wed 02-Jan-19 21:47:05


Hope you don't mind me joining also! It's very comforting to find these conversations. It's really helps and makes me feel less crazy!

I'm 30 and trying for my 1st. Was lucky when I came off the pill last year and cycles started well. Been trying now and I'm in cycle #3/4 (was bad with tracking until I recently got the Flo app) and had so many symptoms last month and was convinced I was pregnant only to get a negative. I'm now just going to assume I'm not until my period is late.

It's really, really hard though! I have IBS and constantly play mind games with myself thinking I'm pregnant/bloated when deep down I know it would be very, very lucky. It's really tough ladies-glad this chat exists and hope we all get our baby wishes ASAP!!! Patience is bloody hard! xxx

Teddie1 Thu 03-Jan-19 08:56:46

Hi guys (this is going to be a long one but hopefully with a happy ending!!)

So I posted on here a few weeks ago crushed again that AF arrived - we had been TTC for our first for over a year as well as being investigated for infertility. I was on the waiting list for a diagnostic laparoscopy as they thought my tubes were damaged during a traumatic coil insertion around 4 years ago. They also found cysts on my ovaries which explained my irregular and long period cycles (32-42 days) with absolutely horrific PMS symptoms (seriously I went crazy and was completely hormonal unhinged the week before AF was due)

Basically I saw zero hope of conceiving naturally. On top of that my 18 year old brother had just gotten is 17 year old gf pregnant and my SIL has just found out they were expecting. It was dark and I was in bits.

But then something strange happened. I ovulated completely out of the blue 15 day into my cycle (normally O anywhere from 23-29 days, sometimes not at all!). I took an OPK because I had EWCM, it was positive (never happened before!) and we DTD.

On Christmas Eve I got my BFP. I was shocked. I still can't believe it. It was a completely fluke and now opens a door of panic and worry it's all going to disappear but the take away message is DONT GIVE UP!! It can happen. It's so horrific and soul destroying when you are deep in it but it can happen. Just keep trying smile

Blondemother Thu 03-Jan-19 10:18:02

Teddy1 that is wonderful news! I am delighted for you and your partner - a healthy and happy 9 months to you!

MummyBearBoo Thu 03-Jan-19 10:45:51

Wonderful news @Teddie1 - with this be your first pregnancy? Fingers x everything goes well for you! X

mass22 Thu 03-Jan-19 11:07:47

Congratulations @Teddy1 how lovely. Perfect timing as a lovely Christmas present smile I wish you all the best xx

TheChineseChicken Thu 03-Jan-19 13:03:17

Yay Teddie! Fantastic news, so pleased for you. That's exactly the kind of happy ending we want to hear about. Here's an unmumsnetty kiss x

AllySC Fri 04-Jan-19 20:41:45

@teddie1 congratulations, that’s amazing news! Wishing you a smooth and easy pregnancy xx

AllySC Fri 04-Jan-19 20:42:32

@mass22 keeping my fingers crossed for you x

TheChineseChicken Fri 04-Jan-19 21:04:55

Where is everyone else in their cycle? CD12 here, should ovulate around the 15th so currently DTD every other day

TheChineseChicken Fri 04-Jan-19 21:05:25

I mean ovulate around CD15, not the 15th

mass22 Fri 04-Jan-19 21:24:52

Thank you @AllySC. I'm due my period in 5 days and had spotting today, of course I'm wondering if it's implantation bleeding but more than likely just period spotting. It's such a roller coaster!

Waiting every month for a period or not is hard. Hope there's more positive news for everyone soon! X

TheChineseChicken Fri 04-Jan-19 22:13:20

I find something that just be a sign every month! It never is grin

mass22 Fri 04-Jan-19 22:33:18

@TheChineseChicken I'm the same. Every time I'm bloated I'm think this is it! And I have IBS! The mind certainly likes to play tricks.

Need to calm down a bit as started getting resentful of friends who have succeeded. Green eyed monster is coming out and it's not good envyconfused xx

CatchingBabies Fri 04-Jan-19 22:55:23

I understand that it’s tough getting a negative when you are TTC but I do feel you perhaps have unrealisticly high expectations which isn’t helping you. Up to 12 months TTC is considered normal before getting pregnant and it sounds like you’ve always fallen pregnancy in that time span so there’s no reason to think there are any underlying issues or that you won’t again. Try and remember that this is normal and don’t worry that it will never happen. Fingers crossed for your BFP soon!

TheChineseChicken Sat 05-Jan-19 07:44:30

Catching you're absolutely correct and I know that really but it's still hard to be optimistic and patient. I have friends who have really struggled including one who took 5 years to conceive her second so that plays on my mind.

mass22 Sat 05-Jan-19 10:52:21

@TheChineseChicken I have a friend that just conceived after 3 weeks so it's so hard to go on other people. Calming the mind sounds key. However you can clear your obsessive thoughts would be helpful. Shopping and yoga help me grin.

I woke up this morning and was thinking about it straight away so I know it's hard. But sounds like it's natural to worry, there just needs to be a balance so it doesn't become overwhelming xx

Amorea Sat 05-Jan-19 13:57:57

I've been TTC for a year now and I don't know if I've got the emotional capacity to keep going - I've never felt quite this low before about it. I really hoped this month was 'the' month.

I need to kick myself to be more positive but at the moment I'm feeling like it'll never happen, so maybe stopping TTC might be the best thing. It's hard on your mental health.

Lots of luck to everyone x

dottyp0104 Sat 05-Jan-19 14:18:34

Hi ladies, we have been TTC number 2 since April. Im 37 and my daughter is 6. I didn't really have plans to have another child but found out in April I was pregnant. I was so shocked but unfortunately miscarried at around 8 weeks. Now I am desperate to have another. My period is due in 4 days and I am dreading another bfn. 😔

Blondemother Sat 05-Jan-19 20:15:43

I have no idea where I am this cycle - I was getting a bit too wrapped up in 2WWs and DPO so I stopped myself looking st the calendar this month to give my head a break!

seven201 Sat 05-Jan-19 20:51:39

I feel your pain. I'm ttc for dc 2. Been a year now, including one early mc on cycle 2. That baby's due date was in November and I assumed I'd be pregnant again by now. It's just shit. I've got a sub fertility appt next month so that's taken the stress off a bit. I've also recently started acupuncture. I lost weight early on in ttc but put quite a bit on over Xmas so I need to get back on it!

Sometimes I give myself a bit of a mental slap round the face with a wet fish. I have friends going through IVF (2 failed goes so far, now has to pay) and I have a friend whose baby is 'incompatible with life' and she is five months and will have to give birth to a baby that will already be dead or die shortly afterwards. My baby problems are completely insignificant compared to theirs.

I try and be thankful for what I have and have faith that it will probably happen. That said when my period arrives each month I am a miserable bitch for a few days!

Good luck to everyone!

TheChineseChicken Sat 05-Jan-19 21:45:43

mass I'm not generally too bad day-to-day although it is on my mind all the time. The repetition every month gets so boring though! At least my cycles are back down to 29 days now - before having DC1 they were anything from 30 to 45 days so that made things a lot harder and slower.
I'm glad you have some distraction techniques.

Amorea I know what you mean about 'this is the month'. I thought that in December but here we are. Sorry you are finding it so hard to deal with. As it has been a year have you been to your GP to talk to them about it?

dotty sorry about your loss. Keeping fingers crossed for you for a few days time.

seven thanks I hope your appointment next week is helpful. Don't feel that you're not allowed to be sad or disappointed because you've had an easier time than some others. This is a very personal thing.

mass22 Sat 05-Jan-19 22:55:38

"This is the month" is a real killer. It's
mentally and emotionally so draining and disappointing.

Are there any health tips whilst TTC? I know a healthy diet and exercise is important (not that I've been great!) but also supplements etc? I've been taking folic acid but not sure if that's enough or the right thing for conceiving. Not sure if DH could/should be taking anything also!

Roguebludger Sun 06-Jan-19 07:05:55

Please can I join? We're ttc number 2. DS1 is nearly 2. I'm on cycle 5 and was due on yesterday but another negative. I've put my life on hold to get pregnant. Miserable and stressed in my job. The plan was to work until second mat leave then SAHM and not return. Every month I end up testing every day for at least a week and then uncontrollable crying with each negative! I have been ovulation testing and dtd every other day through cycle, what am I missing??

Blondemother Sun 06-Jan-19 08:09:43

You're not missing anything Roguebludger- with a healthy couple and perfect timing there's something like a 20-30% chance of conceiving each month. If you're having plenty of sex at the right time, the rest is luck. Annoyingly.

I'm sorry you feel life is on hold and work is rubbish, is there any way you could change job, or do you need to stay for the mat pay? It's hard living in limbo not knowing how long things will take.

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 08:17:21

mass TBH I don't think there is much you can do to improve chances as long as you're generally healthy. I take conception supplements (at great cost!) but doubt they make a difference. I think there is more opportunity for men to improve sperm count via diet and lifestyle choices though. You can have private sperm assessments for bit too much money so you could invest in that for peace of mind?

Rogue the limbo is terrible, isn't it? I keep getting invitations for things later in the year that I don't want to commit to, then feel like an idiot. Part of me thinks I should just carry on with life regardless. Maybe give yourself a deadline for work?

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 08:17:51

* not too much money

Roguebludger Sun 06-Jan-19 08:26:11

Thank you, blondemother and Chinesechicken I've got myself so obsessed about having another I can't think clearly about deadlines but that might give me something to look forward to do will talk to DH about it. Has anyone done anyone fertility testing?

Jent13c Sun 06-Jan-19 08:27:37

I was 2 years the first time, quit my job, went back to uni and then of course it happened. I know the issue is with my husband but still just takes one sperm and one egg! Absolutely terrified to try again and I feel like we are almost there...really hope it happens quick this time or I care a bit less this time. Hoping toddler keeps me busy enough.

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 08:55:10

Rogue I had some the first time around - hormone checks and a scan of ovaries. Of course they all came back fine then I got pregnant almost immediately! If you're concerned then see your GP but I think at 5 months they'll just say keep trying (unless you have underlying health problems I suppose).

Jent a friend of mine took 2 years the first time then only 3 months with the second so you never know!

mass22 Sun 06-Jan-19 09:01:01

Thanks @TheChineseChicken. Think I just need to calm down a bit. I'm doing the same with future plans though. Holding off on plans just in case and I think from now on I won't.

@Roguebludger I feel your pain. Don't want to leave a job I'm not interested in anymore for the mat leave but it's not happening. Just had my period today, 4 sodding days early and it's def a period sad. Another month down!

@Blondemother I didn't know that there was a such a low percentage each month to conceive. That puts it in perspective more. It really does come down to luck.

TheChineseChicken Sun 06-Jan-19 09:04:33

mass sorry about your period thanks

Roguebludger Sun 06-Jan-19 17:02:41

Mass I'm sorry about your period. It's so gutting when it happens.

mass22 Sun 06-Jan-19 17:41:01

Thank you @TheChineseChicken and @Roguebludger I was totally gutted especially as it came early. But will try and keep positive for next month smile hope you all have more luck this month!

AllySC Sun 06-Jan-19 19:51:23

Sorry @Mass22 - well done for trying to keep positive! I just found out my best friend is pregnant with her first, I'm so happy for her but at the same time so jealous. About to enter my fertile phase so hoping something happens this time! Am doing dry January as I've heard that alcohol can affect your fertility - has anyone else heard that?

mass22 Sun 06-Jan-19 20:29:13

@AllySC thanks. Congrats to your friend but understand that must be tough for you. I've heard to avoid alcohol but then heard many couples say the night they conceived they had been drinking and think it happened as they were merry and relaxed!

TheChineseChicken Mon 07-Jan-19 12:14:51

I've had a look at the evidence for drinking when TTC. Apparently you're significantly more likely to get pregnant if you drink 0 units versus 14+ per week. Anything in between that there are no significant differences. So if you currently drink less than 14 units per week then cutting back probably won't make much difference. That's just the woman though and doesn't consider the man's drinking.

Should be ovulating today and have a funny tight feeling down where my ovaries would be. Of course that's made me google if you can feel fertilisation hmm

Fingers crossed for everyone else this month.

dottyp0104 Mon 07-Jan-19 12:24:30

Ladies, not sure if appropriate place to ask.... but my test has a 2nd line but not sure if its strong enough.... Or evap... does anyone use the allere cassette tests and know if the evap line is pink? Its taken so long to get second line that I am doubting it

TheChineseChicken Mon 07-Jan-19 12:34:30

How long after doing the test did the line appear? I think the best thing way of knowing if it's really positive is doing another one

dottyp0104 Mon 07-Jan-19 13:02:58

Exactly the same result second time round. Not getting my hopes up. Will get a digital one for tomorrow

mass22 Mon 07-Jan-19 15:45:07

@dottyp0104 could you send pics of the tests?

dottyp0104 Mon 07-Jan-19 15:56:30

Hi I just got a first reponse test, they say a line is a line and I see the line.

Roguebludger Mon 07-Jan-19 16:24:32

Congratulations dotty that's a definite line.

dottyp0104 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:35:20

Thank you 😊 Trying hard not to get excited, its what happened in April and then lost it. Desperate to tell OH but don't want to jinks it like last time. Maybe wait a few days xx

mass22 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:37:56

@dottyp0104 there's no denying those lines! Congrats but understand your hesitation. Wish you all the luck. Keep us posted!!

Roguebludger Mon 07-Jan-19 17:00:07

Dotty it's understandable to be nervous but they are definitely lines, everything crossed for you

dottyp0104 Mon 07-Jan-19 17:10:06

Thank you ladies. I am completely in shock. I had just resigned myself to it never happening. Fingers crossed and wish you all luck too. I did not think it could happen xx

TheChineseChicken Mon 07-Jan-19 17:22:56

Great news smile I totally understand why you're a bit nervous and reluctant to celebrate though. Really hoping it works out for you this time after such a long time waiting

pinkstar01 Mon 07-Jan-19 22:38:17

Hi ladies, would love to jump in...feeling quite low this cycle. We're ttc #2 and I think we're at cycle 14 now. DC1 was conceived on 1st cycle so ofcourse I figured it would happen quickly again but nope. I'm 33 now and DH recently turned 40. We're otherwise in good health, neither of us drink or smoke, but we finally had some fertility checks done including a diagnostic laparoscopy 2 months ago (they found some slight endo) but nothing to explain why it's not happened yet.

I'm on CD 15 today and just starting my 2ww so keeping my fingers crossed :/

TheChineseChicken Tue 08-Jan-19 07:28:22

Welcome pink, that sounds tough. Wishing you patience and resilience for your TWW

Roguebludger Tue 08-Jan-19 08:02:37

That's really tough pink. Did you get tbe testing done on the nhs?

Luxembourgmama Tue 08-Jan-19 08:03:09

I'm the same. IT was super easy with my first so i thought it would be again but its been 9 months an MC and a chemical pregancy so far.

mass22 Tue 08-Jan-19 08:11:06

Hi @pinkstar01 sorry to hear of your troubles. On the positive if nothing has been found to hinder you conceiving you know that you can keep trying and hoping. Fingers crossed for you. It's so hard.

Luxembourgmama Tue 08-Jan-19 08:54:08

@mass22 on supplements i'm taking evening primrose oil (its supposed to boost progesterone levels) and omega 3 and raspberry leaf and obviously folic acid my hubby is taking coenzyme 10 and zinc and selenium. Probably a waste of money but i feel i'm doing all i can.

pinkstar01 Tue 08-Jan-19 10:28:55

Thanks everyone...I am fine for the most part and it doesn't consume me but a lot of my friends have recently had their second or third and I'm just not sure if it's gonna happen for us. I do feel so blessed to have my son and I'm so grateful for him though.

@Roguebludger yes it was on the NHS, my laparoscopy was partially needed because I'd been experiencing terrible pelvic pain and back pain for over a year and it would be worse around ovulation time so they looked and found some endometriosis towards the back which they removed. At the same time they checked my tubes ovaries and everything else and didn't find any issues.
My husband recently went to our GP who is brilliant and she referred him to get a sperm count done and that was all fine too.

This is the first month I've started tracking my temp tho and so I'm quite sure when I've ovulated so that's reassuring I guess!

mass22 Tue 08-Jan-19 13:56:35

@Luxembourgmama thank you I don't know whether to try anything bar folic acid but shall keep in mind. @pinkstar01 hopefully you get good news soon. Hopefully everyone on here does smile

Can any of you advise on basal body temperature and how you do it? I'm lost! Does it actually work?

Roguebludger Tue 08-Jan-19 15:04:23

I just came on. I knew it was coming because all the negative tests but it's so gutting when it does.

mass22 Tue 08-Jan-19 15:44:26

Sorry to hear @Roguebludger even if you know it's coming it's horrible when it actually starts

TheChineseChicken Tue 08-Jan-19 20:41:17

Sorry about that Rogue thanks

I do wonder if supplements help or not. I suspect that if they do the effect is negligible in most healthy women. But then you want to know you tried everything!

I think my fertile window is up for this week so now we just wait...

TheChineseChicken Fri 11-Jan-19 11:01:02

How's everyone doing? Anyone else in the TWW? I'm a few days in so a long wait still

pinkstar01 Fri 11-Jan-19 11:10:10

@TheChineseChicken hi hun! Was just gonna post and check in, I'm about 6dpo and the days are going by soooo slowly this month!! It's my first month tracking my temps so maybe why?? I just had an upset stomach this morning which is very unlike me and lots of rumbling and stretching happening in my lower abdomen...fingers crossed!

How are you getting on?

mass22 Fri 11-Jan-19 12:55:41

Good luck @pinkstar01 I hope it's your month! I'm just off my period and ready to try for this month. Hoping and trying to stay calm!

TheChineseChicken Fri 11-Jan-19 12:58:29

What are your temps doing? Are they still increasing?

I'm doing the same symptom spotting and reading too much into every twinge. Plus we DTD until later this month so now I've convinced myself this is the month as we tried extra hard. Which I know is stupid!

Well, fingers crossed for both of us...

TheChineseChicken Fri 11-Jan-19 12:58:59

Good luck this month mass

pinkstar01 Fri 11-Jan-19 13:15:46

@mass22 thank you, fingers crossed for you too!

@TheChineseChicken my temps are still high, this morning I was at 37.3 whereas before ov I was around 36.5 but I'm not taking that as a sign because they could drop right before AF...
The tummy upset has me a little excited tho because it never happens to me...

We also dtd like 5 days in a row around ov for the first time! Really hoping that makes a difference for both of us, how many days past ovulation are you?

TheChineseChicken Fri 11-Jan-19 13:21:43

Well I'm not going to comment on if it sounds positive for you or not because who knows! Really hoping it is though.

I'm around 4dpo. I don't track ovulation with temps or sticks though so can't be entirely sure.

TheChineseChicken Mon 14-Jan-19 18:20:58

How are your temps, pink? I'm feeling very negative about this month. I've got to the point where I can't see it ever happening, although I know that's stupid.

Mass how are you feeling about this cycle?

mass22 Mon 14-Jan-19 21:03:03

Hi @TheChineseChicken I've got a lot on my mind this month so baby making has kind of taken a back seat. I'm hoping that actually helps though. Think taking the pressure off is better.

My friend was trying for 3 years, was just about to give up. Her boyfriend proposed and she started getting busy wedding planning and she fell pregnant! I know we're all different but I find the more I try and track my ovulation etc the more anxious I get.

Roguebludger Tue 15-Jan-19 09:22:02

Chinese, I'm the same I just feel that it's never going to happen. Not helped that my toddler is having a sleep regression. I'm trying the Clearblue ovulation tracker this month. I've been using the sticks from Amazon up til now. How's everyone else tracking?

pinkstar01 Tue 15-Jan-19 10:08:41

@TheChineseChicken temps are still high, I'm about 10dpo but took an FRER this morning couldn't help myself and it was BFN sad I know it's still early but I'm just so tired of seeing that blank space!!

How are you feeling? Sorry you're not feeling hopeful sad I go between thinking I definitely am to definitely not :/

pinkstar01 Tue 15-Jan-19 10:14:41

I just don't understand why it's not happening..we're both fine, happened so easily first time I just don't get it sad
All my friends are now at their 2nd babies and one just had her 3rd...
As much as I would like a second, I wanted one more to give my son a sibling because we don't have any family here and he has no cousins or anyone...

TheChineseChicken Tue 15-Jan-19 15:42:08

So sorry everyone is feeling shit sad although I'm pleased to hear that you have distractions, mass. (hoping they are nice distractions).

Pink, I also did a test this morning but I'm only 8dpo so even more daft than you are! I don't think you need to be too concerned about a negative yet. Im trying to remember how temps work - if pregnant they are supposed to keep climbing, right?

Rogue, I don't track ovulation, just DTD every other day once period has ended and every day around days 13-16/17. Clearly that approach isn't working though. I hope your toddler starts to sleep better again soon.

I don't know why it hasn't happened for any of us yet but I have my fingers crossed for some BFPs this month thanks

Roguebludger Tue 15-Jan-19 16:57:33

Thanks, everything crossed we all get knocked up soon!

liveinhope100 Wed 16-Jan-19 10:34:38

Hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread I'm glad I found it as feeling so disappointed this time round.

This is my 7th month ttc. Tried everything from opks, pre seed, had an HCG done (everything was fine and my tubes were clear), acupuncture, eating healthy but nothing.
This month I thought just relax and don't think about it but its always in the back of my head. I did a FRER test yesterday 10dpo and got BFN sad Went to bed so upset and then even had a dream I got a BFP lol... it can be such an emotional rollercoaster for a lot of women so it's comforting to share and talk to those that understand.

Anyway next cycle I'm going to take soy isoflavones and see if that makes any difference, I've read good things about it.

Good luck to all of you smile

TheChineseChicken Wed 16-Jan-19 10:48:53

Welcome to the group and sorry you are having a hard time too. With my rational hat on, 7 months is still a perfectly reasonable amount of time TTC but with my sympathetic hat on I understand why you're upset. How come you had an HCG done? And is this your first time TTC or do you have other children?

Feeling massively deflated today. Can't concentrate at work and being a cow to my husband. If it doesn't work this month I'm not sure I can face another month of trying. Have friends visiting this weekend who have 2 children - one conceived in 3 months and one conceived in 1. Makes me sad

liveinhope100 Wed 16-Jan-19 11:07:55

Thanks @TheChineseChicken i know 7 months isn't that long (took my mum 5 years!) but I think it's just because I've wanted a baby for so long. Im trying to conceive my first. Basically I got pregnant about 10 years ago when I was 19 which didn't last. I did an HCG after 3 months ttc because I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong with me and I didn't want to wait a year to find out, as you can tell I'm quite impatient lol how long have you been trying?

Sorry to hear your feeling deflated at work, I know that feeling. And I know how hard it can be seeing friends with their kids they conceived so easily. My friend recently gave birth and it was hard to be see her for a while! Are you planning on testing this cycle or do you wait for AF?

Otter88 Wed 16-Jan-19 19:57:49

Hi All! Hoping I can join in the convo. I'm new to mumsnet and still getting my head round the acronyms haha.

Bit or background, I came off the pill in May 2018, got my first proper period in the July (after withdrawal bleed)and been ttc since. Periods have been regular on the dot and this month I was 4 days late but took a test after being late for one day and got a negative (obviously). I've experienced the disappointment since we started ttc and have done fairly well at keeping my cool and telling myself it's early days etc but because of the late period all of a sudden and having almost convinced myself I was probably pregnant, it's really hit me hard this month. Reading this thread has really helped so thank you all for that. I know that technically we haven't been trying for that long in the grand scheme of things and so we just need to keep going but it does help to get the feelings off your chest to others who are feeling the same. I find the two week wait excruciating and it's so hard not to get obsessive with symptom spotting, googling. I use the Flo App to try and keep a track on dates but sometimes that can make me more obsessed. I've read that the best way is to try and forgot you are ttc, have and enjoy sex regularly and go from there but I can't seem to get out of that cycle of tracking obsessively, counting the days and some months we only have sex around O time which i also think doesn't help so I now can't "forget" or pretend we aren't the.

I guess I was just wanting to display my gratitude for being able to come on here and read like minded comments, get some things off my chest and see if anyone can offer any reassuring words.

Thanks smile

TheChineseChicken Thu 17-Jan-19 07:34:42

live sorry about your previous loss. I did a test this morning at 10dpo - BFN! I am also impatient and there's no way I could wait until AF is due. My mood is terrible at the moment and I'm driving my husband mad. Also not sleeping well. Of course I'm wondering if these things are pregnancy related but probably not.

Welcome Otter! I'm glad that this thread had given you some comfort. It's a safe space to moan, whinge, be impatient and unreasonable and let off steam. Late periods are the worst for giving you false hope. I think trying to forget you're TTC is impossible - after all you have to have sex and you can't do that without noticing! Unless you're someone who has sex every day anyway, which I certainly am not. Fingers crossed for you

liveinhope100 Thu 17-Jan-19 09:16:52

@TheChinese Chicken I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, i really understand how frustrating it is. Still early to test though, I keep telling myself that statistically most women get their BFP at 13dpo but it's hard to know whether to hold onto hope once that BFN comes or to just think about next month.

@Otter88 Welcome. It's nice to have a thread where we can all vent. I completely know what you mean about the tww. I literally drive myself crazy each time. After my 6th cycle ttc i said to myself i'm not going to symptom spot, obsess over it and just 'relax' and not think about it but i find it always impossible. It's always in the back of my head and as soon as I know I can test I do. My only advice would be to think about acupuncture. Ever since I started going my periods have become so regular (i used to be anything from 28 - 35 days) and now im 28 days so it can really help with regulating hormones etc Also pre-seed has worked well for some women. I've been using it three months now and even though i haven't got a BFP i feel it helps create the right 'environment' for the sperm. Anyway good luck with getting your BFP, atleast we can all let our frustrations out on here!

pinkstar01 Thu 17-Jan-19 16:29:46

@Otter88 and @liveinhope100 so sorry to hear you're also going through this treacherous journey sad

It's kinda soul destroying the longer it takes...I was really quite hopeful this far but after 14 cycles for some reason this cycle has really deflated me. AF is due in 3 days but I dunno I'm just feeling negative now...had a negative at 10dpo but haven't tested since then for fear of disappointment. We literally tried to do everything right this cycle, me and DH have been taking conception vitamins daily, we DTD every day leading up to OV, used preseed each time, and I lay with my legs in the air too 😕
There is nothing wrong with either of us so why won't it happen?! Ugh!

If it doesn't happen this month I think I'm just gonna accept that maybe it's not meant to be...

liveinhope100 Thu 17-Jan-19 17:02:52

@pinkstar01 It really is such an emotional and stressful journey and I can only imagine how hard it is when you are coming up to a year but all I would say it just don't give up. My mother was told she couldn't have kids, she ended up getting pregnant after 5 years so I am so grateful she kept trying all those years! I'm not saying it will take 5 years, but just don't give up!

I completely get the soul destroying bit as well, especially when you have almost exhausted every option. Have you had an HCG? And when is your AF due?

I'm on 12dpo. I tested on 10dpo and 11dpo, both a BFN. I can't take anymore disappointment either this cycle - already accepted AF is coming.

I've even got to the stage where after i DTD during fertile week i don't even feel confident at all. I've started feeling like it's all a waste of time. I almost don't want to feel positive or confident anymore these days and the disappointment of the BFN's is so awful sad

I did mention in my post above about soy isoflavones. I'm going to start taking when AF comes so can update you all how I get on but i've heard so many positive things about it on the sites i've been looking at. I'm literally trying anything these days. Reflexology before ovulation could help too.

Good luck to you all, really nice talking to other women that understand.

Otter88 Thu 17-Jan-19 20:16:04

Thank you for your reassuring words @TheChineseChicken and liveinhope100!

I'm going to see how this cycle goes as the last one running 4 days late was the first time it has happened and always been 29 days on the dot. I had the flu quite bad just after I thought I had ovulated so maybe that had an impact. Who The hell knows! I think it's the unknown and the fact you can only control so much that causes most of the frustration. It definitely takes the fun out of it all and I've read in many books that the more you want something and obsess over it the less likely it will happen.

I know a few people who have struggled to conceive, decided to give up and then got pregnant cause the giving up, weirdly took the pressure off and the thinking about it. I'm not saying we should give up by any means, but it does give hope that even if you get to that point, it's still possible it can happen so even if you are feeling disheartened and ready to throw the towel in, know that it doesn't mean it's the end of the road.

The body is a weird and wonderful place. It's great to know that we can share experiences and help each other out. I've got major period emotions right now, I don't know which way is up or what I feel about anything. being on the pill for 14 years and not having a period for most of that due to being on the mini pill has meant I've had to get used to all the lovely things a period brings with it again. A good excuse to eat chocolate though!

Pinkroseuk Thu 17-Jan-19 21:55:27

Hi all - can I join please? Been TTC for 21 months - referred to hospital now and awaiting test results in March. Periods not returned since coming off the pill and they have said there's very little they can do until I have lost weight sad just feel so useless and low sad

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