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Crushing disappointment of TTC

(1000 Posts)
TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 08:31:57

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative sad

ScarletGlow Sat 22-Dec-18 11:04:24

Ahh sorry it's getting you down, and sorry about your miscarriage too. flowers

It does feel disappointing every time you wait and wait only for a negative result. I've been there, fishing tests out of the bin like a crazy person!

Its natural to compare your experiences to the ones of those around you, because they are more relatable, human stories. But maybe you could look at the numbers instead. Statistically it's not unusual to be trying for 5 months without a positive result yet. 6-12 months is more realistic, sometimes even a little longer. There's roughly a 25% chance of conceiving every month, which is tough but of course your chances are better the longer you try. You can also up your chances by timing sex around your fertile week.

Do you know how many days past ovulation you are? Maybe there is still time for a positive result this month? x

TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 11:30:02

Thanks Scarlet, I know everything you say is true. I should be on day 12 post ovulation so still time this month yet. And I need to remember that last time I felt like it would never happen but it did twice so there's no reason it won't happen again. It's just so frustrating! And I'm a very impatient person grin

Torsz Sat 22-Dec-18 11:36:45

You just have to try and focus on the good things about your life and try not to let it get you down. I know it's easier said than done... we were ttc for nearly 2 years before we finally had our bfp in September - and it felt like the longest 2 years of my life in all honesty.. and I'm expecting to have the same thing when we get to #2. But hopefully it'll be worth the wait!!

avoschmado Sat 22-Dec-18 11:59:51

It'll all come good in the end. How old are you? And your dd?

TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 12:09:20

You can never predict, Torsz. Maybe it will be quicker for you second time around.

I'm late 30s and DD is 2.5. So biology isn't hugely on my side although I'm generally fit and healthy

Teddie1 Sat 22-Dec-18 12:22:07

@TheChineseChicken I completely empathise with you and am in a very similar boat. We have been trying for a year and every month I am crushed all over again. I symptom spot like crazy, work myself up and have a drawer full pregnancy tests that I side eye from ovulation. They are never positive. I feel like a lunatic but I can't help it.
To make matters worse a few people very close to me have just found out they are expecting (after a very short time of ttc or completely by accident!) and I find it almost impossible to be around them without falling apart.
Fingers crossed you you - just keep trying, as we will, and hopefully sooner or later it will happen. It happened before for you so it should again smile xx

TheChineseChicken Sat 22-Dec-18 17:20:36

Teddie is this your first or second. Really hoping it works out for you soon. We have just had an announcement of a pregnancy in a Christmas card and non drinking friends at Christmas parties. It's hard to stay philosophical!

MummyBearBoo Sat 29-Dec-18 01:10:21

Ok if I join? Been TTC baby #2 Technically on cycle #2 where we've been DTD following positive OPK but been off bc for 7 months (I don't have totally regular cycles they're usually 5-6 weeks!). I have 1 DD who is 3 at end of Jan and had a TFMR in December 2017 which was a boy! Would really like this December to bring good news! I am 10dpo but haven't tested yet but am getting really bad heartburn at the mo which I had with my first pregnancy but only later on I'm also getting cramps!

owlyhoot Sat 29-Dec-18 13:56:07

Hello mind if I join? TTC my first after being on the pill for 11 years on and off. I thought it would be so easy to fall. I really did, 3rd cycle and I've just come on and very sad about it (had a weep in the car!) Just wondered if you guys had any words of wisdom thay could make me feel better about it all. I'm 28, but I am already panicing about everything xx

Blondemother Sat 29-Dec-18 20:54:53

It’s not magical and wonderful after a few months is it? My commiserations, I’m in this crappy boat too. Do you drink? I’m having a big glass of wine in a roasting hot bath which is taking the edge of slightly.

MummyBearBoo Sat 29-Dec-18 23:40:07

OMG bath and wine that sounds amazing will have to try that - was feeling good about this month but now I feel pessimistic- AF due 2nd or 3rd so we'll see!

owlyhoot Sun 30-Dec-18 06:14:03

I dont really drink as I'm trying to lose weight. But a bath sounds nice. I might have one tomorrow to sooth my poor ovaries haha

TheChineseChicken Sun 30-Dec-18 19:17:07

Sorry everyone, Christmas got in the way so I didn't check in. This month is out again - just finishing my period. At least I got to drink over the festive period.

No words of wisdom here I'm afraid, it's just a waiting game. I should really be more realistic about things since it took me a year to get pregnant that first time but you can't help thinking it will be quicker second tine around. To those who are just a few months into trying though, don't despair. It really is just a gamble every month and not necessarily a reflection on your fertility.

Going to try extra hard in January!

OceanPearl Sun 30-Dec-18 21:34:18

I can completely emphasise! TTC number 2, DD has just turned 3.
We’ve been TTC since September and in my fairytale world I was going to be pregnant by Christmas and do a magical pregnancy announcement to family and friends! We didn’t TTC with our daughter, she was a happy surprise, so I naively thought number 2 would be easy! Countless OPK’s and FRERS later and still BFN.
Currently sitting with a glass of wine and wondering if 2019 will be our year.
Baby dust to all for 2019 xx

AllySC Mon 31-Dec-18 15:23:55

Hello, I hope you don’t mind if I join. I’m in the same boat (TTC number 1 for 5 months) and just got my period this morning - it’s crushing! Finding it difficult not to catastrophise and assume that one/both of us is infertile (I’m 32, DH is 33). Really comforting to know others understand. Hoping 2019 is the year for all of you (and us!) 🤞

MummyBearBoo Tue 01-Jan-19 12:40:35

My AF started yesterday which is less than 2 weeks after ovulation??

TheChineseChicken Wed 02-Jan-19 18:28:46

Welcome everyone!

Going to start trying tonight for this month - currently CD10 and usually ovulate around CD15. Every month I convince myself the reason it didn't work was because of DTD on the wrong days, the wrong number of times etc so going to try extra hard this month!

mass22 Wed 02-Jan-19 21:47:05


Hope you don't mind me joining also! It's very comforting to find these conversations. It's really helps and makes me feel less crazy!

I'm 30 and trying for my 1st. Was lucky when I came off the pill last year and cycles started well. Been trying now and I'm in cycle #3/4 (was bad with tracking until I recently got the Flo app) and had so many symptoms last month and was convinced I was pregnant only to get a negative. I'm now just going to assume I'm not until my period is late.

It's really, really hard though! I have IBS and constantly play mind games with myself thinking I'm pregnant/bloated when deep down I know it would be very, very lucky. It's really tough ladies-glad this chat exists and hope we all get our baby wishes ASAP!!! Patience is bloody hard! xxx

Teddie1 Thu 03-Jan-19 08:56:46

Hi guys (this is going to be a long one but hopefully with a happy ending!!)

So I posted on here a few weeks ago crushed again that AF arrived - we had been TTC for our first for over a year as well as being investigated for infertility. I was on the waiting list for a diagnostic laparoscopy as they thought my tubes were damaged during a traumatic coil insertion around 4 years ago. They also found cysts on my ovaries which explained my irregular and long period cycles (32-42 days) with absolutely horrific PMS symptoms (seriously I went crazy and was completely hormonal unhinged the week before AF was due)

Basically I saw zero hope of conceiving naturally. On top of that my 18 year old brother had just gotten is 17 year old gf pregnant and my SIL has just found out they were expecting. It was dark and I was in bits.

But then something strange happened. I ovulated completely out of the blue 15 day into my cycle (normally O anywhere from 23-29 days, sometimes not at all!). I took an OPK because I had EWCM, it was positive (never happened before!) and we DTD.

On Christmas Eve I got my BFP. I was shocked. I still can't believe it. It was a completely fluke and now opens a door of panic and worry it's all going to disappear but the take away message is DONT GIVE UP!! It can happen. It's so horrific and soul destroying when you are deep in it but it can happen. Just keep trying smile

Blondemother Thu 03-Jan-19 10:18:02

Teddy1 that is wonderful news! I am delighted for you and your partner - a healthy and happy 9 months to you!

MummyBearBoo Thu 03-Jan-19 10:45:51

Wonderful news @Teddie1 - with this be your first pregnancy? Fingers x everything goes well for you! X

mass22 Thu 03-Jan-19 11:07:47

Congratulations @Teddy1 how lovely. Perfect timing as a lovely Christmas present smile I wish you all the best xx

TheChineseChicken Thu 03-Jan-19 13:03:17

Yay Teddie! Fantastic news, so pleased for you. That's exactly the kind of happy ending we want to hear about. Here's an unmumsnetty kiss x

AllySC Fri 04-Jan-19 20:41:45

@teddie1 congratulations, that’s amazing news! Wishing you a smooth and easy pregnancy xx

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