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Why does it take so long to conceive??

(19 Posts)
peachandcream Tue 12-Jun-18 19:34:35

Hi ladies, I'm feeling so down today.
My dh and I have been ttc our first baby for the last 8-9 months and nothing... I've been using OPK tests, using Ovia app, checking my cm and every single pain or sign from my body, to get AF at the end, ruining another month.
I'm about to turn 35 and the fact that is taking so long makes me feel so sad... and worried that It may never happen.
Also seeing so many women pregnant or with babies everywhere, makes me feel worse.

Today I had a pT and it was negative... I think af is coming now.
Is anyone on the same boat as me?

VenusStarr Tue 12-Jun-18 19:57:59

Hi @peachandcream I'm very similar to you. We've been trying since December 2017 and no luck so far. I'm edging towards 35 too.

I've started acupuncture, only one session so far (back tomorrow) but I've also been temping and my temperatures this month are better and more consistent.

I'm sorry you haven't had your bfp yet. I feel the same as you. One of my best friends is pregnant, most likely conceived at my wedding sad

How long are your cycles? Mine at are quite short 23-25 days, expecting af any day now

peachandcream Tue 12-Jun-18 20:43:33

Hi Venusstar, thank you for your kind words smile

My periods are very regular, usually 27-28 days. Once in a while a random 30. I keep on testing my ovulation (though I've recently read if you get a peak fertility result that does not yet mean you will certainly ovulate).

I have started jogging and walking, drinking less coffee, I took prenat vit for a few months...

None of my friends is pregnant, but a colleague's wife got pregnant recently. they got married after we did and they are already expecting. The day they told me I returned home in tears, trying not to cry until got home.
I've never thought it would be like this...

VenusStarr Tue 12-Jun-18 20:51:05

It's hard, I naively thought of come off the pill and I'd be pregnant within a couple of months. I know the crying sad it's hard not to let it get to you. The constant cycle of hope and then having it dashed by the arrival of af.

I started temping last cycle and it's nice to have ovulation confirmed but it can become all consuming and I'll admit to googling charts like mine but it's helped me feel like I'm doing something. Ttc has made me realise I don't like not being in control!

Glera Tue 12-Jun-18 21:27:16

Hi ladies.

Just to say I also understand how you’re feeling. I’m like you @venusstar and have been TTC since the end of November. My cycles are longer though, they’ve turned into 34 day cycles since coming off the pill. In a way that’s even worse, when some women are a quarter of the way into their next cycle, I’m still on the same one.

I guess the hardest thing I’ve tried to learn through this whole thing is to try and be chilled and relaxed about it. And just think, the months when you’re not pregnant, you and your partner are having quality time together (and lie-ins).

I know it isn’t a great comfort but sometimes we have to try and see the silver lining of a very grey cloud.

Brumbrum05 Tue 12-Jun-18 22:13:19

I'm in the same boat. Seems like all my life I've been told how easy it is to get pregnant but in reality it's bloody difficult!

Tinker315b Wed 13-Jun-18 11:34:11

@peachandcream I Feel you pain and frustration, its very disheartening every month for AF to arrive when you try everything. I have been TTC for 6 months now and timing is 100% every month and still nothing. Its mentally draining. All we can do is stay positive.

Longtalljosie Wed 13-Jun-18 11:39:37

I’m sure things will come good soon but it’s worth enquiringly if your GP when they will do initial fertility tests. It’s usually a year pre-35 but a) you’re nearly 35 and b) my surgery does it after 6 months for all women in their 30s.

VenusStarr Wed 13-Jun-18 11:55:26

I didn't know that @Longtalljosie, I'm going to hold off seeing the doctor until September after my birthday and we'll have been trying nearly 9 months then. Part of me is hopeful that I we don't need to see the doctor so kind of putting it off too.

Am waiting for af to arrive over the weekend. My motivation to do anything is really low at the moment, managed a run yesterday and I did feel better and less focused on ttc. Definitely think distraction and relaxation is helpful, just need to motivate myself to do it!

Longtalljosie Wed 13-Jun-18 12:33:34

Yes I think that's right - the advice to "relax" is pointless, of course you're not going to be able to relax about something you care about this much! That said, you can create pockets of relaxation - meditation or running or yoga, an engrossing book or a good movie or whatever it is that floats your boat.

5tarlight Wed 13-Jun-18 12:37:25

Hi ladies. Feeling the same. Been trying since the start of the year. I was pretty realistic at first, knowing it was unlikely to happen straight away, but as the months wear on I am getting more worried. Am 38 and we're TTC our first. Been trying all the usual things: OPKs, BBT, SMEP (well, as far as possible!), even the blummin grapefruit juice, but to no avail. Relaxed as much as I can, although the arrival of the pre-period spotting last night rather sent me in to a bit of a hormonal disappointed mess.☹️ I know today is a new day, so we keep on keeping on, maybe Cycle 7 will be the lucky one... Started acupuncture last week and having blood tests done this month. But ultimately, it's all a bit shit isn't it?

DaisyMay25 Wed 13-Jun-18 12:50:23

Urgh tell me about it, started trying May 2017, got pregnant after just three cycles (sadly miscarried at 6 weeks) then naively thought I'd be pregnant again by Christmas! I'm just wishing months away now until September so my gp will refer me for tests (because I'm under 30 I have to wait until a year has passed) I don't even get my hopes up anyway as soon as I've ovulated I just wait for my next cycle.

Brumbrum05 Wed 13-Jun-18 13:00:31

I'm going to try my gp and beg them for tests now rather than wait for a year. Does anyone know if your partner has to come too?

DaisyMay25 Wed 13-Jun-18 13:03:37

@Brumbrum05 I think so, they refer you both at the same time, it's unlikely if you're under 30 they'll refer you though

5tarlight Wed 13-Jun-18 14:32:06

@Brumbrum05 - we didn't go together. We have different gps and there is no need for him to be there if it makes scheduling the appt awkward, as you are just explaining your situation and (hopefully) getting some blood tests booked. They'll want to see those results before you get referred (if you need it). Obviously if you want him there for support then do that. 🙂 My DH now needs to see his own gp to get his SA booked in.

noynoyavery Wed 13-Jun-18 15:43:32

Hard isn't it? We tried for 10 years nearly. We are now one of the eldest in our group to have children lots have grandkids on the way. Good luck. Don't give up hope.

snowy1982 Wed 13-Jun-18 15:51:20

@brumbrum05 also just wanted to say your partner doesn’t need to go initially. When I went I actually had an appointment with GP about something else and brought it up then, he said they would give me blood tests which I just had to schedule on particular cycle days and for DH to make an appointment to organise SA. After they got those results they did our referral

DoneAdulting Wed 13-Jun-18 15:56:56

90% of couples conceive within a year of trying. 95% conceive in two years. So you'd have to be in the unlucky 5% that don't conceive in two years.

VenusStarr Wed 13-Jun-18 19:00:56

Thanks for sharing @noynoyavery it does give me hope smile

@5tarlight grapefruit juice had the opposite effect on me this month! I've just had my second acupuncture session. No idea if it'll have any impact but my bbt are definitely higher and more consistent this cycle. It is shit though.

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