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Feeling desperately depressed. .Please help!

(14 Posts)
BooseysMom Fri 09-Feb-18 10:30:52

Hi, i'll try to keep this as brief as i can.. Basically we've been sort of ttc DC no.2 for 2-3 years. I'm 46 next week and this time i thought i had struck lucky but that horrid bitch AF appeared with a vengeance yesterday!.. I was at work and just sat on the loo and sobbed 😭 Every month goes by and i feel like my cycles are wasted and as i plunge closer to menopause we have to come to terms with the fact that our DS will be an only. He's not bothered about having a sibling but he's just 4 and doesn't understand. I blame myself entirely as there were times we could have ttc much more frequently than we have..always there's an excuse but then when AF comes round yet again i feel totally desperate so i must want it deep down. But the older i get the more risks there are and having had 2 mc's before DS really scares me as i was 41 then so 46 is crazy to try again! When i confided in my s-in-law i was told i was completely crazy to want another at my age. She hasn't had any and she's the same age as me. She said she knows of no babies who were born healthy to a woman my age! My mum passed away 1 and half years ago and i haven't got anyone to talk to any more and when i try and confide in family this is what i get! So please ...is there anyone out there who can give me some words of comfort as i can't stand this feeling any more 😥 thank you x

iniquity Fri 09-Feb-18 11:03:59

Hi there Booseysmom there is an over 40s thread on here that might be able to offer you the support you need during this stressful time. I know many women with healthy babies mid forties.

MrzE Fri 09-Feb-18 11:17:20

Ignore your sister in law, she's in a completely different situation from you. There are plenty of women who are over 40 and have healthy babies. As iniquity said, you might get some joy and supports from the over 40s thread as they're in your position too.

I hope you get everything you want x

BooseysMom Fri 09-Feb-18 17:12:51

Hi inquirt & MrzE..thank you so much for taking time to reply and your encouraging words. I've been on the one-child families topic but not an over 40's thread..will take a look. Thanks to you both.

Chattycat78 Sat 10-Feb-18 22:25:02

To be totally honest, If you’re serious, I’d suggest looking into getting help ASAP. Speak to a fertility clinic and see what they say. I wouldn’t leave it to just see what happens if I were you and it’s what u really want.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Sun 11-Feb-18 08:44:07

I think if you really want this to happen you probably need fertility treatment, and since you already have a child unfortunately you will have to pay for it. Yes, women conceive at 46, but the chances of doing so naturally are extremely low and the miscarriage rate is very high. You may need to explore donor eggs if you really want another child. Or if that is out of budget, a fertility workup might at least give you a realistic idea of your chances of conceiving naturally. If they are very low... Counselling may be in order to help you work through that.

Good luck.

BooseysMom Mon 12-Feb-18 07:44:23

Hi Chattycat & Queen, thanks for your advice. Queen.. I def can't afford fertility treatment like IVF. The reason we've left it this long is down to a stream of bad luck. .insecure home situations as in private renting, job insecurity/redundancies and lack of money have always been the reasons behind us not having a baby earlier than in our 40's. We met at 32! The time was never right for us. The fear of recurring mc's and even not being able to have a healthy baby at the end does scare me so i think we need to look at what we have after so long waiting and be thankful.
Thanks

MammieBear Mon 12-Feb-18 08:24:35

My heart goes out to you both flowers, what a horrible thing for your sister in law to say when she knows your trying. I'd say talk to your husband about how your feeling. keep your head up smile

LifeOfRiley63 Mon 12-Feb-18 08:36:58

@BooseysMom I wouldn't listen to your sister-in-law. People are always great at handing out advice when they have no experience on the subject.
If it's what you and DH want, do it! I've found that there never is a 'right' time to TTC. Me and my DH waited for a year for the time to be 'right' and now I've come off the pill buggar all has happened and it's been an age!
I agree with @ChattyCat78, I would visit your Dr and see if they can recommend you for some tests. Also look at your vitamin intake (for you and DH) as theres loads out there, get DH some loose fitting kex (keep those sperms flowing!), use an ovulation app and track everything, and maybe fertility gel/lube?
Do you track your ovulation? It might be worth starting so that you and DH can clear time aside to DTD if you've both got hectic schedules.
And most importantly, don't let it get you down! Keep your chin up and don't let it define you xxxx flowers

juneau Mon 12-Feb-18 08:45:12

Yes, that was mean of your SIL and what would she know anyway? However, I think you have to be realistic OP. Yes, women can and do have babies at 46 and older, but your chances of conceiving and keeping a healthy pregnancy at that age are statistically low. You can talk to your GP about your chances and ways you can boost your fertility. For instance, you might be able to go on fertility drugs or have some NHS assistance that wouldn't cost you anything. But don't delay!

BooseysMom Mon 12-Feb-18 19:38:40

Hi Mammiebear..thank you for the kind msg and flowers 😀

BooseysMom Mon 12-Feb-18 19:43:53

Hi LifeofRiley..thank you for your msg. Sorry to hear you've had trouble ttc too. How long have you been trying? I don't bother with ovulation testing now as i wasn't sure they worked. .but i have all the symptoms. .in fact they drive me mental now for at least 2 weeks every cycle. .like my body is saying quick, last chance!! I've been pondering on pre conception vits but can't really afford them atm.
Good luck and thanks for the supportive msg x

LifeOfRiley63 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:45:28

@Booseysmom You can get them really cheap on eBay, I don't buy anything from high street as its expensive. Xx

BooseysMom Mon 12-Feb-18 19:49:07

Hi juneau ...thank you for the msg. I think you're right. .i have to be realistic about it and i really feel that one DC is enough atm. I wish so much we hadn't left it so long then we could have got another one in ..or out! !..before menopause comes knocking!! But things are as they are. I thought about getting the GP to give Clomid but my friend said the side effects are horrendous and she never conceived after taking it anyway! !
Nothing comes without its risks

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