Grrrr

[SLR1906]

Does anyone else just feel randomly mad and probably envious of those who concieve in their first month of trying my DH best mate just had a baby and im so mad that they go on about how easy it was to concieve and omg arent you pregnant yet, are you worried blah blah .... please fuck off !!

Sorry had to find somewhere to write it to get it out of my head!!

[Bubblegum89]

Yes lol it pisses me right off. I’ve had a lot of “omg we weren’t even trying” pregnancies crop up on my Facebook lately. I see a lot being announced on this forum also. I honestly don’t see the need for people to even mention the fact that they conceived without trying/on their first month of trying. Just say you’re pregnant and leave it at that. It’s such an “I’m alright, Jack” attitude, people like that have little regard for other people’s feelings because they’re pregnant so who cares about anyone else. Sending hugs

[Cake20189]

Yup! There’s a few people who delight in saying they conceived first month on here too. They seem to mention it in every post! Like they are somehow better people than the rest of us 😂

[SLR1906]

I am just bloody livid, when they ask stupid and quite frankly such invasive questions i either wanna punch them both or cry! Theres no inbetween.

There should be a handbook on how to deal with such inconsiderate human beings. There is no need to mention the ease of their conception at all, i really dont see the need to talk about it, my mother always taught me to be kind and consider other peoples feelings. I wouldnt want to make someone feel the way i do!! Thanks ladies ❤️

[Miserablemouse]

Yes. My best friend - "I've been married for 6 months and pregnant for 5 of them!!"

Fell pregnant on honeymoon, first month trying.

[SLR1906]

I mean thats great for her but no something you wanna hear i think! @Miserablemouse

Ive learned how insensitive people are whilst going through this stage in my life, its shocking !

[SoozC]

It is hard. Conception is such a lottery, some just aren't lucky. I really think one can't understand what it's like until one has been through it, a bit like having a miscarriage.

I don't look at the conception board much for this very reason. I don't think people do it to deliberately be mean, more they just haven't considered that actually those who conceive first month are a minority and struggling is more commonplace than is realised.

As for people who comment on other people's lack of having kids - I've come to the realisation that telling them we've been ttc for 2 years and have nothing but 1 miscarriage to show for it usually shuts them up well. I don't care who knows we're ttc now, as long as they don't ask me about it. It's so rude.

Big hugs to all of you struggling with this too. It's completely shit, isn't it? xx

[Miserablemouse]

SLR I know! I'm so so so happy for her but she knows all about the reasons why I knew in advance I might struggle and has previously been so understanding, so the several insensitive comments after she announced really hit me hard (even though I know she would never have meant to upset me and was just excited).

Sooz & hugs to you too. I've been lurking for ages and you always come across so kind and helpful on your posts. I really hope you get your take home baby.

Might take your advice on shutting people up. There is a girl in my office who has said "you'll be next!" to me more times than I can count and I'm at risk of punching her in the throat.

I feel awful for moaning as another lovely friend recently lost a baby at 15 weeks and all I could say to her was "I'm sorry that something so shit has happened to you"

[greenmagpie]

It's a lottery. I conceived on first month of trying with dc1. Felt v happy that ttc want something I needed to stress about. Then had secondary infertility and needed assistance to conceive a second time. I learned a lot about sensitivity in the meantime!

[LuItaliana]

Oh I know I secretly imagine punching people in the face when they say this to me

[ShowOfHands]

The difference is between making comments on others and merely describing your own situation. I conceived ds after one night of half hearted trying. His big sister had taken 18 months and two miscarriages. I do occasionally mention the ease of ds's conception but in context only. I wouldn't dream of applying my experience to other people's situations. It's emotive because it involves having DC. Like the difference between describing a happy, straightforward labour and telling people that labour is happy and straightforward because that's all you've experienced (and the other way round, with traumatic birth). Or describing bfing in positive terms vs telling a ffer that everybody can bf if they just TRY.

We cannot deny women their own experiences or the telling of them. If they're being rude, unkind or wrong then yes, they're worthy of gentle correction.

[Poppins2016]

I endured this with one of my closest friends (who knew about my TTC issues) and it felt like she was rubbing it in my face. Sadly it's damaged the friendship (we're no longer so close). I've wondered whether my reaction was due to jealousy on my part, but other friends have confirmed that it was more a case of gloating and oneupmanship (she has form...). She texts me every month or so saying 'any news yet' and it just makes me feel as though I've failed! If I had a chance to start again I would never have told her about TTC.

'It's not what you say, it's how you say it'. A little compassion and understanding goes a long way in these situations.

[SLR1906]

Hello all! Its a shitty situation i find myself in month after month and some people will never experience the desperation, which is a good thing as i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy!!!

I just dont want to hear about it ! I have to protect my own feelings and urges to cry i front of people so i feel like unless i ask i dont want to know!

Ive had two experiences of close people having kids and many announcing pregancies, its fab and im pleased for them! I just immediately think please dont try nd talk to me about it!! I have no children and so cannot offer anything except envy !

[Pibbee]

I completely agree. Some people seem to have zero tact.

[Bubblegum89]

I have had a lot of “oops” pregnancies announced in the time I’ve been ttc. My sister in law (her OH told me that they hadn’t had sex for about 7 months and the one time they did have it, she got pregnant) My little sister is 35 weeks after an “accident” (she conceived a few months before that toobut had a medical termination) I had one girl on my FB who was “thinking of starting ttc” then got pregnant anyway. Another who had only been with her OH for three weeks and got pregnant with twins and one who was with her OH for a month and she got pregnant despite him not having even met her other children yet. The one that hurt me most of all though happened yesterday. A girl I know who had been ttc for almost two years, she is now pregnant, about 24 weeks. I was so happy for her because I have known her a long time and knew how much she wanted a baby. She knew I was having a hard time ttc because when she found out she was pregnant, she messaged me and told me before she’d even told her own family because she said she didn’t want to be one of those people that just flaunts it on FB out of nowhere and she said that she really didn’t want it to come between us and I said it wouldn’t because she knew the struggles and she deserved happiness etc.

Then yesterday, she put up a post on FB. She specifically started it saying that she had only made it so a certain few people could see it (so me and a few of our mutual friends) and then continued on to say how her best friend was pregnant after the first try, went on her honeymoon and got pregnant there and how she was so happy for her getting pregnant so quickly and how now her and her friend would have babies a similar age. She knows I’m struggling and I that I particularly struggle with people conceiving first try. She’s been there herself. Yet she chose to personally pick me to see a post about that very thing. That really pissed me off.

[Cake20189]

Oh Bubblegum89 you’ve really been through it! So sorry to hear all that. It’s shit and people are shit.

[SoozC]

@MiserableMouse, thank you, that's such a nice thing to say about me! :) And nixes for your response to your friend's miscarriage - perfect. We really just need it to be acknowledged. It hurts when people ignore it, even though they think it's what you want.

[SoozC]

And "as" for your response I meant!

[SLR1906]

@Bubblegum89 i think i need some time to digest that post, youve had it so shit and my heart breaks for you honestly! I can feel a lump in my throat myself!

This is what i meant when i said i needed to protect my own feelings because seeing posts like that really can crush you, especially when that person is someone your close to! I totally know those feelings.

People can be so cruel.