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Is the first month the hardest ?

(24 Posts)
emelsie Thu 07-Dec-17 16:36:50

On my first cycle TTC in the 2 week wait and finding it so hard , constantly obsessing about it , already taken a test and I’m only 6/7dpo , I feel crazy , I know that’s not rational. I have just got baby on the brain every second of the day and I know I’m setting myself up to be super disappointed. I wanted to go in to it without stressing for the first few months , but already several opks and a pregnancy test down . Some lovely day dream will pop into my head and then I spend the rest of the day mad at myself for being too hopeful. Please someone tell me the first month TTC is the hardest? Sorry for the rant xxxx

Passthecake30 Thu 07-Dec-17 16:38:33

No.... every month is just the same! And each month you promise that you'll get a grip and be more patient the following...
Good luck flowers

PotteringAlong Thu 07-Dec-17 16:39:07

No. It doesn’t even compare to month 17. Or 27. Or 37.

Calm down. This level of madness is simply not sustainable.

CRZ1988 Thu 07-Dec-17 16:51:27

@emelsie try not to worry, its not madness, its completely understandable.

I spend far too much time on this forum reading everyone else's stories and thinking about what may be in store for me and DH.

Although I can't imagine the pain of the later months of trying, this is the first month where you've decided you want to change how your life was previously by bringing a gorgeous little bundle into it.
Of course it'll be all you can think about (I'm in the same boat) wishing that you might be one of the lucky ladies who fall first time trying.

Don't panic, don't worry, enjoy all the nights (or days) DTD with your DP and relax. xx

Wishingandwaiting Thu 07-Dec-17 16:58:45

I’m not being flippant but for goodness sakes, think about it.
Of course the first month isn’t the hardest.

relaxitllbeok Thu 07-Dec-17 17:03:01

FGS, how do you think people who've been trying for years feel about your post, OP?

whyhastherumgone Thu 07-Dec-17 17:05:21

OP i know you might feel bad but you're posting on a forum where people have tried for years to conceive and/or had multiple losses. You might not get the kind of responses you were hoping for.

Daisymalone Thu 07-Dec-17 17:07:34

Op- I'm only on cycle four but for me the first month was the hardest. It has been the only month I cried at a negative test. At that point you are still hoping that you are the exception, not the rule and that it will happen for you immediately. I think you learn to manage your expectations quite quickly (although saying that I am still really optimistic every cycle...) Hopefully you are the exception though 😁 and you get your bfp straight away! But not at 6/7 dpo... Wait until at least Monday, or preferably until af is due!

emelsie Thu 07-Dec-17 17:24:39

A couple of people got my perspective and thank you for advice, to the others I am in no way comparing it to people who have been long term TTC , so I am honestly sorry if I offended, that was in no way my intention.I have no idea how long/quickly It will take me, I suppose that’s the worry going into it. Like someone else said I want to be able to manage my expectations. I’m naturally very pessimistic and anxious, I know that and am trying to control it but am in no way using my feelings as a comparison to anyone else’s, just wondered if anyone else had found the first month different to the consecutive ones . Sorry again.

60sname Thu 07-Dec-17 17:26:19

I think people are being unnecessarily harsh on the OP. This board is called 'Conception' not 'Long-term TTC' so it isn't immediately apparent that there are a lot of people here who are struggling. It'd be pretty weird not to be a bit excited etc when starting out.

Stoesmxc Thu 07-Dec-17 18:23:42

I agree with you 60sname I don’t understand why people are being unnecessarily harsh to the op and I don’t see why you should apologise for your feelings OP. This is the conception board and not the infertility or long term ttc board so I don’t see why you can’t freely discuss how you feel without someone jumping on your throat. Anything gets jumped at on the conception board these days. It’s ridiculous. It’s as if your feelings doesn’t matter, what matters is only how long term ttc feels. Madness

Bubblegum89 Thu 07-Dec-17 18:26:14

Honestly, every month is hard when you don’t get a bfp. At the start, it’s frustrating because you expect just to get pregnant with no problem. When you get further in, you kind of get used to the disappointment but the frustration turns to worry because the longer it takes, the more likely it is that there’s an issue. I found the first few months much better (even though I was very obsessive with symptom spotting etc) as I was quite excited by the whole thing but a year has now gone by and I’m so over it now! The first time I cried over a BFN was I think month 9. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but the first month is probably the best because you still have so much hope and expectation. Good luck!

Darkstar4855 Thu 07-Dec-17 18:33:01

I too think you are getting some harsh responses OP, and I don’t think there is anything thoughtless about your post - it’s much harder reading all the “I got pregnant with my first three on the first month of trying”-type posts when you’re sat here ttc your first.

This is my fifth cycle and I have found it gets a little easier as time goes on. Second cycle was the worst for me as I had extreme breast tenderness like I’d never had before and convinced myself that we’d been successful, then cried my eyes out when it was BFN. I have learned not to get my hopes up too much regardless of what weird and wonderful things my body does each month. The 2WW is less of a novelty so I am (slightly) more relaxed about it as time goes on.

That said I can imagine it getting harder again if we get through a few more cycles and still don’t get a BFP.

Oysterbabe Thu 07-Dec-17 18:48:54

It took me 5 months to get pregnant the first time and the obsessiveness didn't lessen at any point. I was slightly more chilled the second time.

MynameisJune Thu 07-Dec-17 18:51:17

I’m a long term ttc’er DD took 6 years and No2 so far we’ve been trying about a year with an early loss in Oct just gone.

I don’t think there is anything offensive about your post and some people are being a bit harsh.

I sincerely hope that you never, ever get to this point. I wouldn’t wish long term TTC on my worst enemy.

But no in answe to your first question, the first month isn’t the worst by a long shot.

SoozC Thu 07-Dec-17 19:20:26

The first 4 cycles or so I was just excited. Cycles 5-10 I got a bit despondent. Cycles 11-20 I cried whenever I got af. Cycle 21 was a bfp but I had a mc 7 weeks later. Cycle 22 now, I am a mixture of excitement and fear.

So no, the first cycle wasn't the hardest by a long shot.

emelsie Thu 07-Dec-17 19:25:50

Thank you for all the replies ! I think it’s just a mixture of excitement for starting the TTC journey and the unknown of how it will go. Again I’m sorry to those before for any upset. Wish you all luck in TTC .xx

HaveCourageBeKind Fri 08-Dec-17 13:35:34

Hi emelsie! First of all how exciting and I completely get where you are coming from. we are going to try for the first time this month as well and I know I will be obsessing... either someone will have to tape my hands or keep me distracted in another way smile

I also think that some replies to your original post are really harsh... Yes it takes some people a long time but being excited about starting the process, especially when posted on the conception board should not have been met with such harsh responses.

Good luck my lovely! xXx

DoAsDreamersDo Fri 08-Dec-17 13:58:49

Ye, the first month is hard and you can become a little obsessive because it's the first time you've ever done anything like it. It's so difficult, but try not to stress too much, especially if it doesn't happen for you at the beginning.

There's plenty of us here on this board who are going through it as well, so don't feel as though you are doing it alone. I'm now on cycle 7 (I think) and I'm not sure how I would have coped if I hadn't had the support from some of the lovely ladies here.

Emelene Fri 08-Dec-17 14:02:04

It is exciting isn't it OP! I'm only in month 2 of TTC but honestly got a bit obsessed last month and obviously didn't get the BFP I wanted (and had a little cry). I am trying very hard to be more chilled this month. Having had a good chat with my DH I'm trying to readjust my expectations and my current focus is that I'm hoping to have a baby/ be pregnant by next Christmas, as I know statistically most couples conceive in that 1 year timeframe.

It is a new experience and stressful but exciting. I also think some previous posters have been harsh. These boards are usually pretty supportive. Good luck! smile

ChipsnCurrySaucemmm Fri 08-Dec-17 14:25:14

I did find the first month tough - despite all rationale and knowing it takes the average healthy couple up to a full year - there was disappointment for my first month BFN. I had been so careful throughout my late teens and 20s using contraception and had been fearful by missing a pill for a few hours. It takes some time to adjust into TTC and so often it's a private time without your usual
Support network. My advice - try not to live on conception forums, try to keep some things to distract you in the 2ww. I also attempted to keep a focus on the silver lining of a BFN (hear me out...) perhaps arrange cocktails in a nice bar, enjoy a massive coffee, buy some slinky underwear- perhaps a boozy Christmas will be a positive thing if you get a BFN? (All quite silly I know but helped me a little)

lazyleo Fri 08-Dec-17 14:30:10

No, it's definately the not the worst, months 24, 25 and 26 can be hell, from my own experience. I've known people who've given up after 36 and adopted instead. The ones that follow from on a loss are pretty horrendous as well.
Relax and enjoy your journey - I hope its a smooth, easy and quick one, but if it is not you are going to feel way more frustrated and distressed than you do now.

Helen290 Fri 08-Dec-17 14:39:39

Wow ok some of these comments are very harsh and not needed!!, people come here for advice doesn't matter if you have been trying for a month or 3yrs, anyway I think it's hard what every point you are at as it's something you really want, only advice I would give is try to take your mind of it with other things I know that's hard I am the worst for obsessing and getting stressed but all that did was make me miserable try and enjoy it have regular sex enjoy life and hopefully it will happen for you I am still in hope it's been a year and 4 months for me and two mc's just recovering after my last one and it's not easier I think you just learn to cope better but I still go crazy on the 2ww lol can't help it . Please don't be put off posting on here and just ignore harsh comments.

Helen290 Fri 08-Dec-17 14:51:39

@emelsie also I don't think looking on these forums is a bad thing I actually find it very helpful and its comforting knowing other people are going through the same thing and also really nice hearing people's success story's and being able to help people go through the same thing it's made me feel better about my situation knowing I'm not alone. 🙂

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