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How do you handle future plans whilst TTC?

(8 Posts)
hannknitted Tue 07-Nov-17 16:20:30


I'm new to Mumsnet and the whole world of TTC. I'm 28, husband and I have been married 2 years, and we have just started TTC. This is Cycle 1 for me - according to ovulation testing and my newly discovered fertility app, I ovulated yesterday and am just about to start my "two week wait" as they say...

Anyway, aside from all the usual issues and questions that suddenly occur when you start TTC that would never remotely have entered my mind beforehand, one of the big social aspects that I'm really struggling with is how to deal with plans for the near future whilst TTC - holidays, drinking events, weddings??

The main reason I'm asking this now is that I'm booked to go on a weekend to Amsterdam with a group of 16 work friends in March next year - I've paid my flight already and when my husband and I decided to start TTC it did enter my mind briefly but I didn't think too much of it - take things as they come, as I always say.

Well, today we've had a meeting about the trip and it's looking to be a pretty wild weekend - all of the group are excitedly making plans to book activities that involve heavy drinking such as prosecco bikes, a (rather expensive) river cruise with unlimited booze, and a trip to the ice bar... So, now I'm stressing out about it because I don't know what to do - what if I am pregnant by then?

Obviously I don't want to put my life on hold on the off chance that I might conceive and I would normally act on that basis, but neither do I want to commit and shell out a load of money for activities that I may not be able to take part in.

How do you handle situations like this when you're TTC?

A relatively small worry to have about TTC I know, but if anything it's definitely the social side of things that I'm struggling with so far - I'm also worrying how I'm going to convince my family (who like to have a good drink!) that I'm not going to be doing much (if any) drinking over Christmas this year without raising suspicions!

LisaSimpsonsbff Tue 07-Nov-17 16:29:00

I've been trying 16 months and I think you have to just carry on as normal. Having to lose a bit of money or change plans last minute for a very, very happy reason is a million times better than turning something down and then getting there unpregnant. I cannot express how shit it is to make plans around TTC and then realise there was no need. You have no way of knowing how long this process will be - I really hope it's short, but I think you have to proceed in the knowledge that nothing is certain.

geeup Tue 07-Nov-17 16:42:12

What @LisaSimpsonsbff said. Don't put anything on hold. I've been trying over two years and regret the things I postponed/declined when I started trying (didn't go skiing, stopped exercising incase it stopped the embryo implanting and therefore gained over a stone hmm).
Best case you'll be pregnant and past 12 weeks so "out" in which case you can duck out of those events and get a refund or go along and just not drink.
Or you might be pregnant but not public in which case say you're trying or on medication or have stopped drinking or just fake illness and don't go at all and just don't worry about a few hundred quid.
Or you might not be pregnant at all and you can go and have a fabulous time and forget about ttc for a few days!
Don't worry about giving up drinking till you get a positive test. It can take a while...
And re family, don't over think it. Everyone's usually so busy getting pissed they won't notice if you actually drink the glass of wine you're holding...
Just my opinion though. Do whatever makes you comfortable.

Bubblegum89 Tue 07-Nov-17 16:46:58

Don’t put anything on hold. I’ve been ttc a year and expect it to be a long time before I get pregnant again (if I even do) you can’t stop living life or you’d never do anything lol carry on as normal, book holidays etc. It might happen straight away, it might take years. Life needs to be more than just ttc or you end up going insane!

TonicAndTonic Tue 07-Nov-17 16:59:56

I've been trying 16 months and I think you have to just carry on as normal. Having to lose a bit of money or change plans last minute for a very, very happy reason is a million times better than turning something down and then getting there unpregnant.

This! We didn't book any crazily expensive once-in-a-lifetime holidays, but otherwise booked trips away etc and accepted invitations as normal, on the basis that we'd be so happy with a bfp that we'd take the financial hit of having to cancel anything that came up, and that friends/family would understand (later on if not immediately) if we had to bail on any plans. I cut down drinking a little bit but didn't give up altogether until I got a positive test. Come to think of it, I didn't really change anything else while TTC either.

When I did get my bfp, it was just a case of deciding what to do with each thing we'd arranged on a case-by-case basis. I went to a wedding at 10 weeks pregnant and managed to get through it without telling anybody and without anyone noticing anything different! We just muddled through each thing until it was time to tell people.

hannknitted Tue 07-Nov-17 18:42:26

Thanks for your replies ladies, you're all giving the sensible response and saying exactly what I thought you would! I guess I do know that when TTC you can't put other things on hold because nothing is certain. This is generally my outlook on things, and I am under no illusion that there are any guarantees that I will conceive quickly - I totally understand that it can take time. I guess it's just that this is all new territory for me so it's nice to hear from someone else and hear about the experience of others.

I think I'm just finding some of the social pressures difficult to get over initially, particularly when it comes to drinking (maybe that's something to do with being Scottish grin !!) Guess I'd just better get practicing my excuses for the drinking, take everything else as it comes, and hope for the best! smile

LisaSimpsonsbff Tue 07-Nov-17 19:48:20

Obviously it's really individual and up to you what you do about drinking while TTC, but again there's a reason that most women TTC-ing long term end up adopting a 'drink til it's pink' policy - it makes life pretty miserable to live as if you're 'pre pregnant' for more than a couple of months.

hannknitted Tue 07-Nov-17 20:26:54

Yeah I will definitely still have a few drinks here and there - particularly during those times when I know I’m definitely not pregnant e.g. when I’m on my period / before ovulation... might just be inclined to be a bit more careful during the 2WW when there’s a chance I might be pregnant - I don’t think I’d let it stop me having the odd drink, but I wouldn’t want to go mental!

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