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Is it time to come to terms with not having a second

(13 Posts)
myusernameisnotmyusername Sat 04-Nov-17 08:08:23

Hi, I’ve been trying to conceive number two for around 3-4 years now. DD is nearly 5. I realise I am incredibly lucky to have her but I can’t help but feel sad she might be an only child. She’s very sociable and confident and would make a brilliant big sister. I have chocolate cysts on my ovaries. One of them is 6cm. Because I got pregnant with it there nobody seems to want to mess about with it. It took years to get pregnant with dd though. My consultant offered clomid but I’m worried it will make the cyst worse. I just can’t keep feeling upset every month and know I need to be happy with what I’ve got. And I truly am but there’s always that wish for another. Maybe I should just come to terms with the fact it isn’t going to happen (af arrived late last night after a couple of days of thinking this might be the month it happens). I get very hormonal too which doesn’t help and I want to have sex to have sex again not as a means to get pregnant. I don’t know how to feel anymore! Does anyone else feel like this?

NimbleKnitter Sat 04-Nov-17 10:15:13

Sounds like you need to practice some self-care.

If you need to take a break, you should. Maybe try some fertility counselling. Something for you.

This is gruelling, and I can’t imagine going through it for 4 years.

Good luck and hugs x

littlemimosa Sat 04-Nov-17 10:20:47

Oh OP that is so tough. I feel for you so much but no I don't think you should give up on your dream.

My advice.....get a second opinion. And even a third. Pay if you have to for a private consultation. It sounds to me like they are dismissing you with the cyst thing. 5 years ago is a long time and the cysts could be affecting things now.

Hugs to you.

littlemimosa Sat 04-Nov-17 10:24:49

BTW I don't for a second think you are not truly happy with your DD.
It's not the point. That desire for a baby doesn't go away cos you already have 1 child. I know that feeling. I'm ttc #3 and am truly grateful for my two DC but that desire does not go away. V hard to come to terms with not having the baby that you deep down crave more than life.

Cariad2014 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:44:11

You’re definitely not alone. We’ve been ttc #2 for a year now, during which my entire NCT group and literally everyone I hung out with on my last Mat Leave has managed to have a successful pregnancy.

We’ve just been diagnosed with male factor secondary infertility (which is a shock as I actually conceived 3 times in the year it took us to get pregnant with DS), and barring a miracle, IVF with ICSI is likely to be our only shot at expanding our family, but the reality is that IVF is a huge gamble both financially and emotionally as the chances of success each cycle are pretty low. I know that there may well be a day in the next couple of years where I have to give up on the dream and settle for life with “just the one”.

Secondary infertility is really really tough - I feel exhausted and disheartened after just a year of it, so I have no idea how you’ve managed for so long.

Hopefully someone will come along soon who has experience of taking Clomid in a similar scenario to yours. If you’re worried about Clomid, I would definitely do as LittleMimosa suggested and try and get a second opinion. Do look after yourself in the meantime. Sending enormous virtual hugs your way. Xxx

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 05-Nov-17 11:43:59

Thank you so much for all your replies. I really appreciate you taking the time. It’s hard because I don’t know what I did differently to conceive dd except for give up I think. I quit my job just before I discovered I was pregnant to go to college because I really didn’t think it would happen and then I got pregnant. So many times in my head I’ve tried to recreate that but the hope is always there. I mean what do you do- stop having sex? As long as you’re doing that the hope is always there. In the last couple of months I’ve been doing the temperature and ovulation tests but I’m thinking of stopping that and just having sex when I feel like it! I’m seeing the consultant again in December and will ask about the clomid and try to push getting rid of the cyst but I’ve seen consultants in other places I’ve lived and I get the same answer- that if they try to remove it it could result in the loss of my ovary. I think I’ve just had to take stock and realise I do have an amazing kid who I absolutely love with all my heart and have to pinch myself every day to believe she’s mine. I want to put my energy into her and not into feeling like a failure but not giving her a sibling. I appreciate others don’t have that so I’m very lucky.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 05-Nov-17 11:45:24

*for not but

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 05-Nov-17 11:46:24

Cariad hugs to you too. It sounds like you’re going through it. Mimosa I hope you get number 3 soon.

NimbleKnitter Sun 05-Nov-17 12:09:22

You can still get pregnant with one ovary. Maybe getting rid of the cyst will help?

And whilst they’re there they could check that your Fallopian tubes aren’t blocked

littlemimosa Sun 05-Nov-17 12:48:04

Thanks OP x
BTW - i only have one ovary, lost one years ago for the exact same reason, a huge cyst. I then went on to have 3 pregnancies (1 was a m/c) fairly easily and am now ttc #3 (not turning out to be so easy this time - but i am in my 40s now). It has never affected my cycles or anything.

NimbleKnitter gives good advice, I agree it would probably help.
Good luck hun.

beanhunter Sun 05-Nov-17 15:57:36

Hi. I'm also in this boat. Period appeared on Friday so that marks 3 years ttc number two. It's exactly 6 years ago today that I go my bfp with my daughter. In the last 3 years I've had 2 mc (one early and one at 12 weeks this summer) and 2 failed Ivf cycles. I'm exhausted with the whole think but my family just doesn't feel done. It's pretty devastating and I'm worried I spend some much time being sad that I'm missing out on my girl.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 05-Nov-17 20:05:36

Nimbleknitter I’ve has my tubes checked. They’re not blocked.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 05-Nov-17 20:06:33

Thanks for the other advice nimbleknitter. Bean - hugs to you.

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