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Everyone is pregnant!

(32 Posts)
lifeisntfair Thu 02-Nov-17 23:17:03

Everyone is pregnant. All my friends and family members (or that’s what it feels like). We are having issues conceiving #1 and it just feels BRUTAL and so unfair. I don’t know how I can bear it. I don’t want to be left out but I also can’t cope with all the baby shit in my life. I can’t bear it. How to cope?

Bubblegum89 Thu 02-Nov-17 23:26:03

I feel your pain. Partner’s brother and his gf got pregnant after admittedly having sex once in 9 months and I now have a 1 year old nephew and my younger sister has been pregnant twice by accident this year (had termination for the first and is 24 weeks now with her daughter) It’s very hard and seems very unfair especially when you have been trying a long time. I don’t really have any advice, so I’ll just send hugs flowers

Marriageoftrueminds Thu 02-Nov-17 23:29:27

I feel your pain. I’m currently miscarrying after trying for 18 months. Three of my best friends had babies this summer. I don’t have any advice really, just saying me too! Hang in there OP x

physicskate Thu 02-Nov-17 23:50:24

I was having this very same cry tonight...

My two chemical pregnancies in the last 20 months coincided with the two people I am close to becoming pregnant. I can't talk to either anymore. One now has a healthy and happy 5 month old.

This isn't a competition. We are all experiencing distress and I know I am suffering from some degree of depression. Other people's successes have no impact on my failure to become pregnant... blah blah. That's what my head says anyway!

It's just shit. I'm trying to get my life back on track but finding it really difficult to motivate/ focus/ plan/ think with so much unknown. Part of me wants to go back on birth control and try to forget about trying to create genetic offspring. If I can't even cope with the stresses of infertility, how the hell am I mean to cope with the stresses of parenting????

Sorry for my own personal rant. I have no answers. I guess you can try to take comfort knowing you actually aren't alone - even if I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. There really isn't anything anyone can say to make it even remotely ok or even better.

I'm very very sorry for what you're going through right now marriage. Be kind to yourself.

Teachermummy83 Fri 03-Nov-17 00:38:21

We've been trying for months now and are getting nowhere. The constant disappointments and 'mechanical' love-making is starting to get soul destroying.
When we began, we convinced ourselves we'd let nature take its course, and not get too hung up on definitely wanting to become pregnant. The old mantra of 'relax, it'll happen when it happens' has long since left us and It feels like now we've admitted a baby is definitely what we desperately want (after years of rigorous birth control), the failures each month are more disappointing.
AND to make things worse, EVERYONE around us appears to be pregnant. We've had 3 babies born on our families in the last few months, 2 close friends have given birth too, now another two close friends have announced they're both pregnant and due within days of each other. Everyone is so excited for them and although I desperately want to be happy for them too, all I want to do is scream and cry as it just feels so unfair!
This coupled with the constant questions and assumptions from friends and families (are you not broody yet..... does seeing all these babies not make you want your own..... Shouldn't you get a move on, you're not getting any younger you know.....) all just makes me want to lose my temper altogether. Feeling like an utter failure just now

ClaryFray Fri 03-Nov-17 06:29:44

Same, I feel your pain.

All my friends are having babies. Everywhere I look. Any stuff, pregnant women and it's horrific!

Sweetpea302 Fri 03-Nov-17 06:36:41

marrage I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re ok.

OP - I read something the other day that really resonated with me. Don’t think about your period as a failure, think of it as another month to get your body healthy and ready for a baby. It sounds trite, and might not work for you, but it really struck a chord with me.

keeponrunning85 Fri 03-Nov-17 07:49:50

Tell me about it. It sucks.

Several friends are now on their second in the time we've been trying for our first.

We've stayed with some friends last night on our way to a wedding and she is clearly pregnant and off to a hospital appointment this morning, presumably the 12 week scan.

We've been very open about our struggles so at least no-one except for maybe the odd work colleague asks anymore.

JoJoSM2 Fri 03-Nov-17 10:23:01

We found that counselling helped us not to feel bitter.

TheLastUNIC0RN Fri 03-Nov-17 10:35:57

We are trying almost 4 years and have had 4 miscarriages. In that time 10 babies have been born in my close family/friend circle - (not counting my hubbys friends)! I think everyone is taking some magic fertility potion and keeping me out of the loop!!

sunshineandsea Fri 03-Nov-17 13:06:06

Dealing with other people's pregnancies is one of the hardest things about this crappy 'journey'. We have siblings and cousins expecting on both sides and seeing their joy and the excitement in our families is so hard when it seems like it will never be our turn. So many of our friends have had babies whilst we've been trying, some are on their second pregnancy now. And seeing colleagues announce pregnancies, go on maternity leave and come back in the time we have achieved precisely nothing is crap too. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. At least these boards show we're not alone, because pretty much everyone I know in real life basically decides they want a baby and a few months later they're pregnant.

Marriageoftrueminds Fri 03-Nov-17 13:45:15

Hi all, thanks for the sympathy. Was actually in A&E last night, they now think it might be an ectopic pregnancy 🙄 this miscarriage is the gift that keeps on giving! Your experiences ring true to me, I’ve seen friends fall pregnant a second time in the time we’ve been trying for our first. Two of my friends openly admit they got pregnant in the first MONTH of trying! Gah!

But I truly believe we will all get there and until then we can support each other on here! Thanks OP for starting the thread!

Marriageoftrueminds Fri 03-Nov-17 13:50:55

Unicorn just reread your post, I’m so sorry for all your losses! Hope the doctors are supporting you through this? There is lots they can do x

lunabear1 Fri 03-Nov-17 18:22:17

I've had this same 'strop' every week for the past 13 months most of the time it ends in tears. We will all get there. Sending love everyones way flowers

Owlpatrol Sat 04-Nov-17 07:37:11

@Teachermummy83 I literally felt everyone of your words. I'm in a slightly different position. I'm 29 and the oldest of all the children and grandchildren in this family so there's a million questions along with that. No grandchildren yet in the family so I feel a bit of pressure that way. Too many friends to count who are pregnant or had one or two already!!

Thinking of you @Marriageoftrueminds take care big hugs xxx

SydBound27 Sat 04-Nov-17 12:02:47

We're ttc #2 and the only people in our friendship groups with 'only ' one child. Friends with first children younger than our dd are well onto their second and I've not been able to talk to them. It is so hard. You just have to do what you need to in order to cope. Avoid baby stuff if thats what you need to do. Others might be put out but they don't know the pain. If they did they'd understand.

@physicskate your comment about not coping with motherhood.. it is not at all comparable. The haze of not knowing in delayed fertility is enough to send you bonkers. Newborns are hard work but at least it's tangible. When it happens for you, you'll do great cake

physicskate Sat 04-Nov-17 13:00:15

If Syd, if. But thanks for the reassurance. I can appreciate this is probably af depression haze clouding my judgement, but starting to panic at depression during pregnancy and pms as this with a history of depression are more likely to suffer.

But it’s all moot as I can’t get pregnant anyway!! Carts and horses are kinda my bag.

lifeisntfair Sat 04-Nov-17 22:53:05

Thanks everyone for replying. It’s good to know we’re not alone. It’s so f%#king tough having to play happy and excited about others peoples pregnancies and babies. I just wish it would happen for us. Thanks Syd for sharing your story about TTC#2. There’s always something isn’t there. Even having had one baby already doesn’t change those feelings of being left behind. But I am sure it will happen for you as it’s already happened once - at least you know you can (although I’m sure that doesn’t make it any easier). Fingers crossed for all of us. This is just so hard. And so hard to be open about. And even if you are able to share people don’t know what to say. I feel like a failure.

peachesarenom Sun 05-Nov-17 19:43:48

Same. I get more jealous of the associated accessories. I want a fancy push chair and a bloody rubber giraffe!

Marriageoftrueminds Sun 05-Nov-17 20:47:02

lifeisntfair I think we will get there, I really do. And when we do, all this won’t matter any more. This month I think DH and I will take a month off (in reality we might not have a choice anyway as miscarriage still rumbling on - they now think it might be an ectopic but it seems to be resolving itself, for a scan on Tuesday). I’m going to try my best to find a different goal for a month or two - in my case getting fit as I’ve let myself go a bit recently and nothing fits!

Peaches haha maybe we should just buy ourselves all the kit we covet and to hell with it! If anyone says anything we can just brazen it out grin

hellybellyjellybean Sun 05-Nov-17 21:29:59

Here and feeling the same. I don't know how to cope. Two of closest friends are pregnant, had my birthday night out last and one came. Ended up having a major weep on dh in the pub. Just so jealous it's consuming me, very month is me really upset for days on end. One of other closest friends is pregnant, I'm avoiding that one completely. She was the person is been really talking to about everything and now can't do that. Don't want to see her as I don't want her to ask me how I am about it cos know I'll have a meltdown and just don't want to talk about it at all. Feel crap. Great birthday.

Marriageoftrueminds Sun 05-Nov-17 22:22:00

physicskate I think I saw a thread of yours recently saying you feel guilty that you haven’t managed to give your husband a child? I think it was you anyway but I can’t find the post now.

I sympathised with so much in your post, I am in a very similar situation in so many times and I also have a job with long hours, but I think counselling would be a really good thing to pursue if it helped you - I know lots of teachers who leave earlier one day a week for various reasons. No one will notice and if they do, you could say you’re going to the gym or something.

Also please don’t feel guilty about not giving your husband a baby. The gynae issues are on my side in our situation too, but as my husband told me, but your husband chose you because he loves you not because you are a baby machine!! And you will get through this together, just like you would with any problem. Be kind to yourself, so many people have trouble conceiving, as this thread and others like it show!

peachesarenom Sun 05-Nov-17 22:29:46

Marriageoftrueminds brazen it out! Welcome to my life plan and daily mantra!

peachesarenom Sun 05-Nov-17 22:34:26

* physicskate* mate! I didn't see that post of yours but major cuddles! It is tough but guilt, while natural, wont help. We're only human!

Teachermummy83 Mon 06-Nov-17 08:02:45

Owlpatrol, thanks, that makes me feel better.
Oldest child of the family too and hubby is an only child so it's all currently on us! No pressure......
Cousins tell me 'it's my turn now' and most pals are into baby 2 or 3...... Pregnancy announcements are definitely the hardest part - I am genuinely delighted whilst also wanting to gouge their eyes out.... Then feel totally dreadful for feeling that way about their happy moment blush
Trying to stay positive, hopefully if we try to take the pressure off ourselves it'll help.
Good luck to you all too x

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