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How much thinking time??

(9 Posts)
misshannah Tue 31-Oct-17 09:45:50

So long story short. I raised the topic of starting a family with my DP in January, he replied he was thinking about it.
I've been patient and we have discussed several times since and i'm still getting the same answer - 'i'm thinking about it'.
I'm 30, we're financially stable, we own our own houseboat, both have very good jobs, we're good together, we have two dogs, etc. Everything is good but i am ready.
I came off the pill 3 months ago as it wasn't suiting me, at the same time i made it clear i was ready but willing to wait until he was. I also started taking folic acid in preparation, i discussed this with him and agreed this was sensible.
I've not been nagging and have instead raised the topic, discussed and then left for a few weeks before talking it over again.
I've asked what are his concerns and he has only ever said he is concerned that we would need to be home at certain times and be restricted. We are already restricted because of the dogs but we do take them almost everywhere so although an issue in the beginning it won't be forever. We're also do not go out much so i cannot see it being an issue to begin with.
We spoke about trying last month, but it seems he is still thinking.
I said to him yesterday, i'd like to start trying this month. The wait is so frustrating. I think he expects us to fall pregnant immediately! Grr.
Rant over just needed to get my frustration out.

AccrualIntentions Tue 31-Oct-17 09:50:32

I understand your frustration - but can also understand your husband's position as my "thinking time" was about 2 years (from my husband wanting to start trying to me being completely on board with that and ready to do it).

It did end up taking ages to conceive but I don't regret waiting, because I really wasn't sure before that and my reasons were valid.

physicskate Tue 31-Oct-17 11:13:50

I just posted something similar on another thread. Essentially, it is unlikely, but you may have issues conceiving. I waited for at least a year for DH to be 'ready' but now have resentment towards him because we have been ttc for 20 months now and recently discovered I have probably pcos.

I'm feeling particularly ranty because my first clomid cycle has just failed and I'm turning 34 soon.... I wanted at least 2. This heartache is very difficult after 'waiting patiently' for so long...

JoJoSM2 Tue 31-Oct-17 12:39:09

Well, he might be ready soon or he might still not be ready in a few years. To make sure you don't waste your time in a relationship where you both have different priorities, I'd probably think of a time frame, e.g. a year or two for DP to have his thinking time. Otherwise, I'd probably move on.

misshannah Tue 31-Oct-17 12:53:22

@jojoSM2 i have asked for a time frame and his response is 'soon'. I told him when we got together i was ready for kids then, so i'm being patient and waited until this year. If i haven't got anywhere soon i think it'll be time for that conversation.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo Tue 31-Oct-17 12:56:19

Does he want children?

Warhammerwidow89 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:32:21

I feel your pain only here we're both on board and ready but I've gotta wait another 6 months, until my probation at work is finished.

I'd consider how long your realistically happy to wait.

JoJoSM2 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:37:42

Be in charge of the situation. Don’t ask for him to give you a time frame, give him one yourself.

Needadvicetoleave Tue 31-Oct-17 21:52:30

Does he actually want kids? Does he want a future with you?

If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. It's a huge commitment that you can't go back on. You can never not be a parent. He's right to be thinking seriously about it.

If you try to push him before he's ready, it could lead to resentment and that won't be good for your relationship. Having a baby is hard enough on a relationship even if you both really want it.

Try to be patient with him.

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