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The first time my husband has ever, err, failed to perform :-(

(14 Posts)
BandhaAid Fri 20-Oct-17 22:21:04

Today in 99 per cent sure I ovulated. Hubby and I have had sex for the last six days straight and we had it planned for tonight as well, but it just didn't happen. He said he was exhausted and he must be because be fell asleep two minutes later.

I didn't show it, but I do feel disappointed. Today was O day and it didn't happen. I actually want to cry and I know how selfish I'm being.


Hulaballoo Sat 21-Oct-17 07:24:22

@BandhaAid I've been there too before, feel for you. Big hugs your way. It's hard for them too as the pressure can really get to them 😕

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake Sat 21-Oct-17 07:27:13

Please don't make a big deal of this and put pressure on him (or describe it as "performing"). It's not fair and this wasn't your one and only chance ever to get pregnant. If you had sex yesterday and the day before you're plenty covered anyway.

Maybe this is a sign you need to take the pressure off both of you and focus on something other than ttc.

onefortheroadplease Sat 21-Oct-17 07:27:36

If you had it 6 days leading up to ovulation I would think you will be covered, try not to worry.

My oh has only managed once this month angry

BandhaAid Sat 21-Oct-17 07:38:50

@TerrifyingFeistyCupcake Don't worry, it wasn't made into a big deal. We had a bit of a laugh about it and, to be honest, I think it was more tiredness than pressure. Just a shame that it happened yesterday of all days! Still, as has been said, it could have still happened for us this month anyway.

I'm off to an all-day yoga workshop today but he's off to work, so I do feel for him. I was sure to give him a big cuddle this morning.

BandhaAid Sat 21-Oct-17 07:45:27

@TerrifyingFiestyCupcake Oh, and although I used the word 'perform' here, I would never actually use that term in reality, especially not to him! I just didn't know how graphic people would like me to be in my post title on here, but my husband is my best friend and I wouldn't want to make him feel inferior! I just needed an outlet for my feelings last night on this page, where I know other women have probably felt the same way as me.

meltingmarshmallows Sat 21-Oct-17 07:49:58

TTC can be the least sexy thing ever. It can take all the fun out of things. If you DTD the day before I’m sure you’re covered. When I got my BFP we had done it 4 days prior!

BeerBaby Sat 21-Oct-17 08:01:37

Conception really is unsexy! You need to layoff. They say every 48 hours is best and that you need the sperm in you before ovulation.

Please be supportive of your DH. I'm not surprised he's shattered. He needs a break. You could go artificial insemination and self administrator if he can produce into a pot but I don't feel such extremes are necessary here.

BandhaAid Sat 21-Oct-17 08:46:54

Woah, what's the attack all about? You're telling me to lay off as though I've been having a go at him but I haven't. I've said nothing of the sort. I was emotional last night and just needed somewhere to say that I felt disappointed. I deliberately didn't say anything to him because I know how negative (and unkind!) that can be. No one knows the ins and outs of my private life (even people on here, Haha!) So I don't know why comments are being made about artificial insemination (?)

Also, there are loads of different theories about whether sex everyday is best for conception or whether sex every other day is best. We made the joint decision to try every day for seven days running because that works for us.

Thanks every one for your comments, I'll bear them all in mind and remember not to mention this particular topic on here again without a disclaimer!

BandhaAid Sat 21-Oct-17 08:49:04

@Hullabaloo Thank you for your kind words and not taking my post out of context. I was totally supportive of him last night but I just felt a bit sad inside, I'm sure that is normal.

NimbleKnitter Sat 21-Oct-17 09:26:21

We had the same thing a few cycles ago.

I was mainly angry at myself for rushing out of the blocks too soon. Now we do a version of the sperm meet egg plan - every other day until digital monitor shows high, then as often as we can over those 3/4 days.

We never manage as many as I’d like (especially if it’s weekdays)

Hulaballoo Sat 21-Oct-17 09:53:37

@BandhaAid understand totally, it's that feeling of being so geared up for the big o day and want it so much, that it's just a crap feeling if we can't do it on the day... We don't all think of it that way but that's how I get and there's no right or wrong, it's just how you deal with it. Enjoy your yoga 😁

Darkstar4855 Sat 21-Oct-17 13:43:43

I get it, @BandhaAid. Last month we missed most of fertile window because I was ill. Then on the one day we were going to dtd DP was too tired and not feeling well so asked to give it a miss. I wasn't mad at him in the slightest (would far rather he was honest and not pressurised) but I was still a bit sad and disappointed as I'd set my hopes on dtd at least once.

I think you've still got a really good chance from what you've described though!

Waitingonasmile Sat 21-Oct-17 20:12:53

This happened to us the month I got my BFP. We only dtd before the positive ovulation test and not after. smile

Good luck

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