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Does anyone else kind of hate TTC?

(23 Posts)
CoffeeWithMyOxygen Tue 17-Oct-17 12:43:16

I feel ridiculous writing this as everyone always talks as if it’s an exciting and magical time, but it kind of hit me just now that I don’t really like TTC. Don’t get me wrong, very much enjoying all the extra Baby Dancing grin but I don’t like the way it feels pressured even when we’re trying to be relaxed about it. There’s no escaping the fact that we’re BDing so much for a reason and we’re both desperate for it to happen! The TWW is a horrible feeling of hopeful helplessness and it seems like there are tiny babies everywhere to act as a constant reminder! We’re only on cycle 2 so I know I shouldn’t moan yet. But I can’t be the only one who’s found the TTC process oddly unenjoyable?

Presh12345 Tue 17-Oct-17 14:18:08

Totally get what you're saying. DH feels under so much pressure to perform at least once a day!! It's tough. And sometimes I can't be assed but know it's a green day and don't want to miss the opportunity.
Hate the way it takes the emotion and pleasure out of sex!

lucindag93 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:10:40

I'm in same situation. We stopped using protection in July and started trying from then but started using opks last two months. Babies everywhere and my partner starting to worry as he thought it would happen straight away. We're both in our mid 20s. Hope you concive soon it sucks when the Af arrives

SaigonSaigon Tue 17-Oct-17 15:14:03

Hell yeah. Took most of the pleasure out of it all.

lucindag93 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:18:36

I'm trying pre seed next month. Lubes can be fun hoping to make it exciting again next time whilst trying to boost our chances. Sorry if tmi.

SoozC Tue 17-Oct-17 15:21:52

Just wait till you've been trying 20 cycles!

lucindag93 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:37:25

Do you know why it's taking you that long?

Laura2018 Tue 17-Oct-17 17:46:46

It's worse when you've had miscarrages and ectopics....

coastalchick Tue 17-Oct-17 18:41:37

def worse when you've had a MC.

physicskate Tue 17-Oct-17 18:50:09

I HATE ttc. Month 19? (slightly losing track). First monitored cycle. There is literally nothing magical about this.

Oysterbabe Tue 17-Oct-17 18:51:09

I think most people hate it tbh.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen Tue 17-Oct-17 19:00:34

Oh I know that it could be much worse. flowers for everyone who's struggling, had a MC, an ectopic, or just needs them. My lovely SIL has had three MCs (and fortunately has one gorgeous DC now) and my best friend has also had several (again now with two beautiful DC) so I've seen through them how much worse it can be - I'm just being silly and mopey I know.

I think it just took me by surprise how quickly that initial exciting rush of 'yay, let's try and start a family!' has worn off and been replaced by niggling frustration. My fault for going into it with such rose tinted specs!

NimbleKnitter Tue 17-Oct-17 19:15:40

It sucks. I was perfectly happy before starting TTC.

Now I’m miserable. And the worst is, even if I stop I don’t think I’ll go back to being happy like I was before.

Now I know how those poxy Tudor queens felt. Just broken

juneybean Tue 17-Oct-17 19:40:52

Yeah it's shit I'm on cycle 7 and getting bored now. Might just get another cat.

LisaSimpsonsbff Tue 17-Oct-17 19:51:19

everyone always talks as if it’s an exciting and magical time

Really?! Who?! I thought everyone knew TTC is a bit shit and that's why everyone wants to fall cycle 1? Ok, I'm another 'way past this and bitter' (fourteen months, three miscarriages), but it's not like anyone's like 'ooh, I do hope it takes us at least six months, so I can get a good share of TTC joy!'.

I always wonder about the people who go on about having more sex while TTC (and the single most enraging iteration of this, the one that makes me want to slap the speaker: 'haha, DH was hoping it would take longer so we'd have to practice longer! Hahaha!') - how crap was your sex life before? Again, I've been at this too long and been too hurt by it, but if 'timed for ovulation' sex is your best sex then I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you two were never exactly sexual dynamite together... 'Yeah, TTC was great for our sex life, because it literally forced us to do it'.

LisaSimpsonsbff Tue 17-Oct-17 19:55:03

And flowers nimble - on a bad day (which, as evidenced by my rant above, I am having!) I feel exactly the same. I feel like I have basically made myself unhappy, because carrying on TTC makes me miserable (and last miscarriage broke me for a while, so god knows what another will do) but the thought of stopping trying makes me cry. So here I am.

Plus side, unlike a Tudor queen I think that even if I do keep failing to make babies DH is unlikely to have me beheaded.

Eminybob Tue 17-Oct-17 20:02:13

God I hear you.
We are on cycle 14, TTC no 2 (DS took a while too)
I don't even enjoy the sex anymore.
And the roller coaster of emotions, every month there's the hope, then the absolute devastation that comes with every period or negative test.
It's bloody horrible.

MrsGabor Tue 17-Oct-17 22:23:23

Yes, so much. Cycle 17, 3 miscarriages and I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't think I've ever cried this much.

Each month is a cycle of hope, timed bloody sex, fucking symptom sporting & then just so much sadness. I feel like a failure.

Broken is the right word

sunshineandsea Tue 17-Oct-17 22:24:33

I hate it so much! It was exciting for maybe a couple of months and then the worry started about why it wasn't happening yet, and now we're on cycle 19 having never had even a hint of a BFP and I just feel sad all the time. And so envious of all our friends and family who just get pregnant when they want and merrily get on with their lives. Then there's the timed sex, the invasive tests, the constant waiting for appointments / results... Nothing magical about it! I used to be genuinely happy with my life and these days I feel like a totally different person. It feels like there's no way out of it, because what's the alternative, giving up? It really sucks and it affects every aspect of your life. TTC is definitely the toughest thing I have faced. Sorry for the rant!

DontCareBear Tue 17-Oct-17 23:32:01

Hi all grin
I'm so glad others feel this way too! I feel like I don't ever want to have sex anymore. It feels so forced instead of just being because we are in the mood. We have been ttc since we got married in Oct 2015. Absolutely every friend we have now have a baby and some are onto their second! I feel so annoyed because I remember telling people at 23 (I'm now a month away from 30) that if i won the lottery the one thing I would do is start a family. They all laughed and said they didn't want kids so soon and low and behold they have ALL had one before me sad

Sorry just ranting. And this having so much sex thing just isn't fun. My husband works so much and is tired all the time so it never feels like he really wants to do it and I feel like I am constantly forcing him to sleep with me. Then there is me with my low sex drive so it's so annoying that we have to just get on with it like a chore. No fun and no baby to show for it. Frustrating.

Anyways, a lot of the time I just ignore the fact that I'm trying. I am literally lying to myself and I believe the lies as I don't even get hopeful every month. Instead I tell myself it's unlikely and it will just be a pleasant surprise if I happened to get a bfp. I don't even bother testing as I'm always late too - meh, just keep going I suppose.

Hope all of you guys are doing well and good luck with the baby making! 😊

PrimeraVez Wed 18-Oct-17 05:16:53

Yes, each time we've been TTC, I've gone into it feeling quite excited, like we're embarking on something really fun. The novelty always wears off after the first month.

I hate feeling like I have to have sex every day around ovulation, even when I'm tired, not feeling well, or just simply don't fancy it.

I hate how angry and upset I get when for whatever reason we don't manage to do it as much as I think we should.

I hate that I feel I have to convince DH to have sex with me when I'm ovulating. I don't tell him when it's that time of the month, but it's so bloody obvious because suddenly I'm all over him and it feels so contrived and fake.

I hate that I seem to live my life in two weekly blocks. Either waiting for ovulation or waiting for my period.

I hate that even though I seem to fall pg quite easily, I can't seem to stay pg. So even when I see those two pink lines, I don't get excited. My initial thought it 'here we go again...' sad

bluebellpaddock Wed 18-Oct-17 08:28:49

I completely agree with you op.

DH and I both absolutely hate ttc.

When we had a late miscarriage and had to try after that it was awful. We took a break when mid DTD I started crying.... bit of a mood killer!!! Ha ha!

It’s tough and I really don’t like how obsessed I become. I feel this crazy urge to piss on every stick possible throughout the month- It’s all very odd.

I have nothing but respect for the warrior ttcers who have to do this for years before their bfp.

Summer1986 Wed 18-Oct-17 08:38:04

Agree with everything you've all said before me. Especially the living life in two week blocks part. It's making me feel low almost all of the time. 13 or so months now and I'm fed up of it all.

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