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Ttc over 40

(9 Posts)
Amazonmulu Mon 16-Oct-17 12:18:01

Struggling to decide if to try for baby 2 sad

I'm 40 now. Would be 41+ when the baby is born. I couldn't handle a special needs baby. And I've had a miscarriage before. Not sure how I'd cope with another sad

Baby 1 doesn't sleep through and as she's in nursery full time gets bugs all the time. She's 16 months.

I don't think I can cope with less sleep. How do you cope with a toddler that still needs you so much and a new baby that needs you even more. Neither of us has family near by that can help.

But baby 1 is amazing. And she loves other kids. So she maybe would love a sibling to have adventures with.

I just don't know what to do. Feel selfish saying all the above but it's true sad

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries Mon 16-Oct-17 12:22:13

I don't think anyone can answer this for you - it's going to come down to how much you want another baby Vs the risks. Certainly in your 40s your miscarriage risk approaches 50% so another miscarriage would be a very real prospect and I don't think you can actively ttc without being able to treat miscarriages as part of the journey. The odds are still in your favour on chromosomal abnormalities but the risks are also real, as you know.

Do YOU actually want a baby? You only mention thinking your daughter would like a sibling. If you don't think you could handle it, don't do it just for that reason.

Oysterbabe Mon 16-Oct-17 15:34:53

You don't sound like you want another so don't, just enjoy what you have.

FutureMum Tue 17-Oct-17 12:51:02

Hi Amazonmulu. We have a DD, then had a MC last year, now thinking whether or not to try again. DD has SEN, in her case quite severe. It is a different way of life...but still with happy moments and lots of love, and lots of ups and downs. I think the odds would still be in your favour to have a healthy, typical child, but odds are just that, odds, there's no guarantees. I would have never guessed it was going to be us. I do not regret having my DD, though we are tired and get no support. We have got to meet some amazing friends. No reason to feel selfish, it's about your priorities and what would work for you as a family. Good luck.

FutureMum Wed 18-Oct-17 10:35:45

Had The Talk. So now officially TTC #2. Feeling excited and nervous and trying not to get my hopes to high, just take it one day at a time. Would love to hear from others TTC in their 40s, surely I am not the only one? x

EmJoyorker Fri 20-Oct-17 11:25:20

TTC #2 at 40 too. Good luck to you! So far it hasn't been as easy as our first who was conceived on the first try

EmJoyorker Fri 20-Oct-17 11:26:16

I've been trying to find a thread for TTC over 40 but can't find anything. Please let me know if you have seen one 😊

Santawontbelong Fri 20-Oct-17 11:29:19

I got pregnant 3 cycle ttc at 42 and had a healthy ds at 43. .

Amazonmulu Fri 27-Oct-17 16:32:12

I can't find the ttc > 40 thread either but helps to hear what others have gone through. I spent the day with a friend who's second baby is now 1yo. And it looks like even harder work sad I feel so selfish to say it but no sleep, no life, I just don't know how others manage. And manage with 2+ kids either! Hats off to all you super women. I think I'm going to wait till December / January to make a final decision. At the moment I feel that I don't want another and can't cope with another but that I will try for it anyway as I would regret it after I've missed the opportunity. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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