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I want another husband not keen

(10 Posts)
Mrsa32 Wed 11-Oct-17 12:37:57

Hi all thought i would pop in here and introduce myself. I am 32 married and have 3 daughters 15, 11 and 9. Hubbyand i have had an awful time this last week.after a preg scare I decided to tell him how I really felt that Infact i do want another child. We have always said no more me mostly agreeing with him because he didnt want more. For years now i have gone along with this yes we dont want anymore the girls are getting more independent ect but i feel i now had to voice my real feelings and it came as a huge shock to hubby. The last days have been awkward between us because we both want different things and their isn't any real compromise to "fix" it. He said thenother night ok you win lets have another baby. I said thats the isse we cant have a you win situation because i dont want that to lead to one or the other of us resentin each other from living with then others decision , and he only said that because he thinks thats how to "fix" the situation give her what she wants and her face will stop tripping kind of thing. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

LoniceraJaponica Wed 11-Oct-17 12:47:24

Your youngest is 9. Why on earth do you want to go back to sleepless nights, nappies, being tied to school holidays for many years to come etc?

I'm sorry, but I am with your husband on this. You have three already. Don't be greedy hmm

Oysterbabe Wed 11-Oct-17 12:51:33

I think you'd be mad too, although I appreciate when broodiness strikes it's brutal. I wouldn't want another without husband being 100% on board. Maybe time to really focus on your career, do a course on something you've always wanted to learn, appreciate the things you can do now the kids are less hard work.

KH369 Wed 11-Oct-17 13:25:13

You are right, it's not a situation where you can just let the other have what they want - it's a child, not a take away. I personally have an ongoing situation with DH abut another child (we only have 1 together, but he has two from previous marriage) he wanted another straight away (literally 5 mins after the birth 'come on let's have another!) What we did was discuss the possibility and then bench the subject. Every few months or so we re-discuss and see if anythings changed i.e we are more financially stable now than we were 4 months ago. Then bench it again - basically until the day we both say 'yes' without 'but' or 'soon' etc we keep benching the topic. Maybe thats something you could try? Tell him your going to leave it alone for a bit and not think about it, it will give him more time to process what your asking (without pressure) and maybe he'll be able to tell you in time a valid reason for why he's saying no, then re-discuss and see where that leaves you

Mrsa32 Wed 11-Oct-17 13:48:53

Thanks for the replies . I should have added this into the 1st post that we had Had a long chat with each other on Sunday night he put over his why nots and i put over my why i want to's . Last night we had another chat we were up till 3am this morning discussing it. We are in a much better position now than when we had the girls where i was at home i now work full time we have bought our home and are financially stable it took us a long time to get here but the last year has been good. He said it isn't something that he is dead set against but it wasn't something he had thought about until i had broached the subject that was what he said this morning. Once i had told him how i felt i left the subject to one side but i know he has thought about it in depth little things like he took his own car to football on Sunday saying he couldn't be bothered with his brothers .
I don't think it is greedy to want to add to my family @lonicerajaponica i think that is quite a harsh way to put it yes i have 3 allready it does not mean i will love them any less or they will miss out on anything i am not trying to "replace" them and i have issues with having pcos and a c section that went a bit wrong with my 1st born. This is something i have thought about for a long time it isn't as though i am having a child to put off getting a job ect which a family member seems to do every 5 years once the youngest heads to school

LoniceraJaponica Wed 11-Oct-17 15:33:21

Sorry about the greedy remark. I only have one due to infertility issues, so to me three seems plenty.

user1483390742 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:41:35

I misread your subject and thought it said "I want another husband. Not keen" (on current one!) gringrin

Bubblegum89 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:49:14

user I read it that way too! Grammar is important, kids haha I mean, if your husband is dating yes to appease you then personally I wouldn’t go ahead. You may end up alone with 4 children. My only daughter is 9 and I’m ttc another, I probably am mad going back to all the sleepless nights etc but my partner and I would like a child together (daughter is from a previous relationship) but we BOTH really want one. I would only start trying if he genuinely wants another, kids aren’t temporary, they’re for life!

Bubblegum89 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:49:30

Saying not dating!

schoolgaterebel Wed 11-Oct-17 17:35:50

I also thought OP wanted another husband grin

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