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Sex and trying again after an ectopic.

(12 Posts)
randomuntrainedcuntowner Wed 11-Oct-17 09:38:22

I had a ruptured ectopic the weekend before last on 30th September, and had laparoscopic surgery to remove a tube.

Physically, I have recovered reasonably well, I only bled for a day or two after, and my scars are almost healed. I am no longer in any pain. Me and dp ended up having sex last Saturday, so a week after surgery. I had stooped bleeding at this point. I don't regret it, it felt right and like we needed the release, emotionally it has been hellish for both of us. It didn't hurt me before or after, and I initiated it. We didn't use protection and he didn't come inside (sorry tmi). I know this was risky, but afterwards I did both a poas which was still showing faint positive and an opk showed I was definitely not ovulating so I know it is almost impossible to get pregnant from that.

I am wondering what the official guidance is on when to have sex again? I have read conflicting things on the internet. I bought some condoms now, so we will be safe next time.

Also, I am confused about when it is safe to try again for another baby. The registrar I saw immediately after surgery said wait until my bleed from the hormone withdrawal (which has already stopped) then one proper period and then try that cycle. The consultant I saw said just wait for the withdrawal bleed to stop and then I can start trying whenever I want to.

The ectopic pregnancy trust website says leave it either 3 months or two full cycles, so would that in effect mean 3 periods? However I think this advice more refers to people who have been treated with methotrexate. Although I didn't have methotrexate, I am aware that there is healing and inflammation going on in there that needs to settle.

The reason I don't want to leave it too long is that I suffer with endometriosis which had settled right down with having a laparoscopy and having the mirena coil for 5 years. I fell pregnancy this time after about 2 periods. It looks fine in there at the moment according to the surgeon, but the more periods I have the more chance I have of it coming back and causing issues, which may increase my risk even further of having an ectopic.

Any advice? Only kind advice please, my head is messed up as it is and I am not looking for crtiticism for anything I have already done. Many thanks.

randomuntrainedcuntowner Wed 11-Oct-17 10:27:40

Anyone? I was thinking whether to try again after the new year? But the clock is ticking - I am 36 in march and I already know that I'm working with reduced fertility now...

randomuntrainedcuntowner Wed 11-Oct-17 13:35:17


IfeelFloopy Wed 11-Oct-17 13:59:43

Sorry for your loss random.

I have no experience of ectopic pregnancy but suffered a miscarriage myself last week. From what I can see about miscarriage the advice seems to differ. The lady that I spoke to after mine said that it is advisable to have at least one cycle before trying again but that if I did fall pregnant before that I wouldn't be the first.

I am 34 and keen not to wait any longer than one cycle. We fell pregnancy quickly last time but that is no measure for the future. I have also heard that you are more fertile for a while after miscarriage (although there are differing opinions on that).

I was diagnosed with very very mild endometriosis that was treated last year. I wouldn't like to dish out advise seeing as our circumstances are different but personally I won't be waiting any longer than 1 cycle to start trying again.

randomuntrainedcuntowner Wed 11-Oct-17 14:50:07

Sorry about your loss floppy.

Just re-read the ectopic pregnancy trusts website. It seems a bit clearer now - think I am supposed to wait 3 months or two periods, whichever is the soonest. I assume the two periods will be the soonest. Effectively I guess that is only one full normal cycle? At least then I will know my cycle length, roughly when I ovulated, and my LMP to date things from.

I'm not going to wait any longer than that. I know I may be setting myself up for more heartache, but the only way I think I am ever really truly going to get over this ordeal is when I am healthily pregnant again, and I can't pretend otherwise. Time is also not on my side given my age and now likely somewhat reduced fertility. Until then, I'm going to focus on being the healthiest that I can be so that the bean has every chance of making it to where it needs to be this time!

Good luck. 💐

randomuntrainedcuntowner Thu 12-Oct-17 14:14:20

Sorry to shamelessly bump (again 😊) but was wondering if anyone else had any advice that was specific to an ectopic?

Imonlyfuckinghuman Thu 12-Oct-17 14:26:30

Hi random I've had two ruptured. Give yourself time to recover internally. One was in between ivf round and my specialist told me to wait three full cycles before we tried again.

Also your ovaries alternate each month in releasing a mature egg naturally so bare that in mind as that will have an effect as your a tube down.

Tbh I think your going to find conflicting advice every where you look.

You've had an operation and inside there will be swelling and inflammation. Just relax and let yourself heal and get your hormones back together.

Good luck

Laura2018 Fri 13-Oct-17 08:11:12

Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss, an ectopic is a truly awful thing to go through. I've had an ectopic and a miscarrige and the ectopic has been by far the worst to get over. Not only are you dealing with a loss of your baby but you are healing from surgery, dealing with the idea that you could have died and coming to terms with the loss of part of your fertility (loss of a tube). I had my ectopic last year and I'm only just getting to the point were i'm willing to ttc again as the idea of getting pregnant again scared me. Physically I think its fine to start ttc 3 months after surgery but you might find mentally you may want to wait longer too and thats ok. If you feel ready to once your physically healed then go for it. All the best and be kind to yourself 🌸

randomuntrainedcuntowner Sun 15-Oct-17 01:12:17

Hi Laura, thanks for your post. I don't know what having a miscarriage is like, as I have never been in that situation. I'm sure it is just as painful as any pregnancy loss is bound to be - I'm so sorry for both your losses. 💐

However I do agree that it is hard to reassure yourself that things will be ok after an ectopic as they is a definite (albeit theoretical) risk of reduction in fertility. I am a doctor and have supported both friends and patients through miscarriages and have been able to say to them, hand on heart, that there is no evidence there is going to be any future issue with future fertility as miscarriage is a relatively "common" (albeit cruel and painful) process, and is often no indication of any fertility problems. It is a bit more tricky with ectopics I know, however Ian am reassured that the ectopic pregnancy trust cite that I think around 60-70% of women who have experienced ectopics end up healthily pregnant within a year so I am just clinging on to that. Good luck to you❤️

Laura2018 Sun 15-Oct-17 10:22:48

randomuntrainedcuntowner yes both miscarrage and ectopic are of course just as painful and upsetting (didnt mean to imply they weren't). I suppose the ectopic for me was scary because I could have died and having emergency surgery is very frightening. I agree the stats look very positive but I think I felt less of a proper woman after my tube removal, silly I know, but thats how I feel. After a year I do agree with you that the only way to feel better is to ttc again. I hope you're ok and that you go on to have a healthy baby xxx 🌸

QueenAmongstMen Sun 15-Oct-17 11:20:28

My friend had an ectopic and she was told to wait three months before trying again as it was important she allow everything to heal.

She waited the three months and then fell pregnant the first cycle she tried.

dinksandbinks Sun 15-Oct-17 21:06:04

I had a ruptured ectopic in April. All very dramatic, ambulance, emergency surgery... Anyhoo. My consultant said to wait until you’d finished the no-longer-pregnant bleed, then one normal period to make sure your cycle is back to normal (assuming it is in the first place), then get cracking. Which we did.

I will say that I thought I was absolutely fine for about three-four months. Then it hit both OH and I like a tonne of bricks that I nearly died. I was completely floored by it. It was so easy to absorb ourselves back into TTC, so don’t think either of us really processed what happened. Give yourself time to heal and don’t put too much pressure to get back on it unless you feel totally ready.

Time is not on my side either, and we ended up doing IVF (PCOS plus one tube is not a great combo!), and I totally hear the need to not delay more than necessary. I think it’s just important to distinguish between medically necessary and emotionally necessary and make sure you tick both boxes. It seems like there’s no right answer in either case so go with your gut feeling!

Good luck smile

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