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How do you keep sane ?

(17 Posts)
Needmorewine Mon 09-Oct-17 16:45:22

This is our third month of actively "trying" & was so convinced this was it. Sore boobs, funny taste in mouth, lower back ache, nausea you name it. Due on tomorrow or wed and tested with first response this morning - BFN. Been so teary all day & feel I'm letting my DD and DH down. I have spent far too much time symptom spotting & googling this month . How on earth do you keep a modicum of sanity ?! Well aware in the scheme of things three months is nothing !

NimbleKnitter Mon 09-Oct-17 17:11:51

Basically - you don’t.

We’re all on here going crazy

micropig Mon 09-Oct-17 17:12:04

The Conception forums on here really help, they make me feel less alone and give me a chance to have a good moan without having to admit to anyone in real life (Other than DH) that I am trying and failing to conceive.

I also now use Glow which has been great, as I have logged when we have DTD and have found that actually I wasn't having enough sex at the right times. Just finding that out has made me feel a lot better about things. This month, for example, we missed my ovulation, so at least I am almost totally certain that this won't be my month, so i can get the disappointment over with now before PMS comes along. On that note, I think PMS definitely makes us feel worse about the BFNs!

VJONES1985 Mon 09-Oct-17 17:15:08

I think it's easy to get carried away and obsessed. Using things like fertility apps, thermometers and ovulation kits are useful and make you feel like you're doing all you can, but there's a fine line between feeling in control and going crazy. I mean, it doesn't matter what we do, it's ultimately down to luck, as long as you're having lots of sex at the right times!

The good thing is, there are people on here in the same boat and they can help ground you when you get upset or angry.

Needmorewine Mon 09-Oct-17 17:44:04

😂 thanks for these! Went into it thinking oh it's fine there's no rush we can be super relaxed (DD was a happy "accident") but this month I've felt anything but. I've also given myself very sore boobs now from tweaking them to see if they're still sore !!! Yes I think PMS definitely doesn't help with the disappointment of BFN. Urgh.

LisaSimpsonsbff Mon 09-Oct-17 21:39:02

I know it's so much easier said than done but I wish I'd spent longer trying casually before doing OPKs etc. - I also got into all that on cycle 3. I've now been trying for fourteen months (with three miscarriages on the way) and it just feels like it's been a slog for so long. Again, I know it's easy to say this but I think the longer you can stay relaxed the better - it's so hard to go back once you go all in...

justmeonly Tue 10-Oct-17 07:00:00

I've just about kept sane so far mostly by assuming it won't happen. I got a bit excited on one cycle (about #5 I think) and then was a bit upset. I've been trying to keep it pretty casual - using apps to predict fertile window and taking supplements but that's about it. This cycle (#12) I'm going to try opks for the first time. its really hard not to get stressed about it!

Needmorewine Tue 10-Oct-17 07:28:34

So sorry to hear about your miscarriages Lisa flowers

It's ridiculously hard and if feels like am wishing the days away! DD took four months but I was a lot younger then and I've been on depo since she was born & been told that can really slow things down. In the meantime I'm acutely aware of the age gap getting bigger and bigger ...

I have a job interview tomorrow which I'm going to go for hoping that will be something else to focus on over next few months if I get if !

FuckMyUterus Tue 10-Oct-17 07:36:14

I have (literally) lost the plot a few times, and only been trying around a year with one MMC. I wish someone had told me that it's useless to symptom spot as the progesterone rise during your luteal phase causes all the symptoms of pregnancy even when there is no pregnancy there. I have now given up 'trying', I have left my conception groups on FB, thrown away all my opks and cheapie PG tests, deleted FF, Glow and Ovia. sad my next step is to go to the GP but I am very sad about doing so, as if there are real problems with me or OH we won't be entitled to much help on the NHS as I have a child from a previous relationship, and we can't afford private. Think I'm just terrified of that being that and never giving my partner the child he so desperately wants. Hope I haven't depressed you too much!

Needmorewine Tue 10-Oct-17 07:40:31

No not at all fuck (feel rude writing that !!!) it seems in RL everyone I know got pregnant first or second month / we only did it once / I'm just stupidly fertile yada yada. I also think lots of people
Like to fib about how long it took !

My friend who is a GP has told me up to two years is completely normal and rather than focusing on fertile week we should just try every other day, may try that this month but I think it's just luck when you fall
plain & simple. Wishing you lots of luck

FuckMyUterus Tue 10-Oct-17 09:13:27

needmore that's what we're going to do, we're going to give it until around feb/march and then go to the GP and see what they say.

Bubblegum89 Tue 10-Oct-17 14:53:31

I’m on month 11 of ttc and I just started writing a blog about stuff. Fertility tests, see appointments, the tww etc but with a humorous spin on it. I find that writing and putting thoughts onto paper helps a little because it’s not just all swirling around in my head. I can post the link if anyone is interested in reading. Just to add, although it helps, I am still not anywhere near sane lol

Needmorewine Tue 10-Oct-17 17:14:11

I'd like to read it bubblegum

Maybe I'll just give up on being sane 😉

justmeonly Tue 10-Oct-17 17:25:12

So long as we're doing a good impression of sane 😊

Bubblegum89 Tue 10-Oct-17 20:39:18

needmorewine the link is talesfrommyuterus.wordpress.com smile you’ll prob have to copy and paste into the browser as I don’t think it comes up as a link. Honestly, I have gone through the completely insane phase and I’m only just starting to be a little less obsessed, it’s SO difficult!

Eliza9917 Tue 10-Oct-17 21:12:13

You don't stay sane lol. I'm 20m in and thought I'd let it all go (the tracking, the testing, the CM, all of it) and just see what happens while we wait for further tests - and now I'm in the middle of a fairly promising looking episode but I just know how it will end, even though I hope it won't.

Needmorewine Wed 11-Oct-17 13:28:29

Due on today and neg test urghhhhh . Lower back cramping constantly just wish period would bloody start ! Sodding depo !

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