Torn! Hold off TTC or sod it?

[Florence16]

Had a 1 to 1 with a director today and it has made me rethink/doubt myself.

We are TTC, two cycles down so far. Been in my job six months or so and it's not as great as I'd hoped, my manager isn't great and his manager is also quite micro managery. I was asked within a few months when I might go off on mat leave (I'm 25 and got married last year) which hasn't impressed me. I get virtually no feedback, apparently 'being told nothing means nothing is wrong' which doesn't really float my boat, but you win some you lose some. It's generally OK, not overly stimulating at times but has its moments and I like it.

I was torn over whether to wait to the next rung up to TTC but work being a bit pants made us TTC sooner. Chat with director has spurred me on a bit and made me think should I hold off? Next rung up would be an extra £350 net in my pocket a month, quite considerable. Apparently they don't expect me to do current role more than a year - 18 months anyway. No option to do PT in my sector so will always be full time, kids or not.

Equally, how long do you think you need to be in a job before you TTC, especially a more taxing one? I'd have been in this one a year before I went off if I got PG now which seems reasonable, but I don't know.

Wasn't sure where else to post. As lame as it is I'm a bit disheartened realising how long TTC could take, and am struggling with my mood since coming off the pill, I'm a right grumpy cow

Any advice/views? I think we want 1-2 DC, I know they'll never be a right time. Equally the job in six months - a year could be a secondment and there's no point waiting unless it'd be permanent...

[HolyShmoly]

I was asked within a few months when I might go off on mat leave (I'm 25 and got married last year) Well that's potential discrimination to start off with. It beggars belief that anyone would ask that in this day and age! I'd suggest documenting anything like that that's said to you in case you have any bother down the line.

Is there a maternity policy and if so, does it state how long you need to be there to get benefits?
My organisation doesn't have a minimum length of service for this so it means I was able to start ttc as soon as DH and I were ready. A lot of places have a two year minimum. Also, do you have to come back for a certain period of time following mat leave or you'd have to pay back any company mat pay? Again, in my current place you have to come back for 3 months. I know of other organisations that pro-rata this too, so if you come back at 2 1/2 days per week you have to work for 6 months.
That's the financial aspect and is worth figuring out.

The other bits are harder for anyone other than you to answer. But remember that you are protected from discrimination the moment you tell them you are pregnant. This is especially important if you are within your probation period. They can't fail your probation because you're pregnant/will be going on mat leave. Again, I'd suggest documenting that they've told you that you're doing fine and have no concerns about your performance.

[AlexsMum89]

I'm going to be of no help here as I'm in a similar situation, although maybe we could stick together in our confusion!
I've just come back from a mega 2 week hol to disney world during which we dtd a lot!
However I've just interviewed for a job the next rung up, same money situation about £350-400pm more. The job is a 12 month secondment and I've got no chance of getting a permanent job at that level straight away, it would always be a secondment first.
I'm expecting to find out tomorrow if I've got the job and if I have and we do/Have conceived I can kiss goodbye to a permanent job at the end of it.
Equally if I wait, it will be at least another year before we can ttc and a) I'm not getting younger and b) my DS is already 7yo.
On the other hand the extra money would make a massive difference and I know exactly how hard it can be with a little one and not enough income.
So uh yea, can't help you!!

[ronniemipperton]

I can also offer no help but I took a job two years ago partly because the maternity terms were so good. Two years later I'm still not even ovulating, fed up with the job and on the lookout for a new one (I'm thinking given my luck I might get pregnant as soon as I ditch the job I took for the maternity pay... would be financially tricky but at least I'd be pg!). Hopefully it will be easier for you but as you say it may take a while.

[EastDulwichWife]

Do you get an enhanced maternity policy, and if so when does it start?

At my company we have to be employed for 2 years before qualifying, but then get 5 months on full pay so, where possible, it is worth holding off.

Aside from the money, is it a job you want to be in? The company sounds questionable at best. Would you consider moving somewhere else?

[MouseLove]

We started TTC in late 2013 and I left my abusive job in feb 2014. I wanted to be in my new roll a year before TTC. Turns out we needed to do home improvements and things happened. I'm still not pregnant. However I've had health complications and I'm a lot older than you at 33 almost 34. We had a mmc at 10 weeks in February this year and had 4 months off.

Honestly, get your triangle right... love, work, family. If you can get work in a good place, pass your threshold for maternity leave and then start TTC. You're still young and for me it was important at your age to make a good career. Right now I'm at a high level in my career in a professional environment. It enables me to support a baby when they come along. So, this past time we've been TTC a year. X

[Florence16]

Thanks all, lots to think about. I've already passed the threshold for enhanced Mat pay as I've been with the same organisation for 3 years albeit the physical location I'm now in only for six months. I was on a grad scheme and have got my professional qualification etc all sorted. There is nothing more career wise to do to get me on a better path bar gain experience and that comes down to time mostly. I probably could have gone in a rung higher than I have, but it would have been rockier to do so.

Part of me also thinks it would be easier to take time out now from a less demanding role, but I won't really know how demanding the next one will be until I get there. It's so hard! So many things are OK at the moment and I guess work may improve in 6 months to a year, but then other stuff might be less ideal...

This is partly why I thought sod it just have one and do it earlier, I don't want to keep putting it off. So many people have said they regret doing that and my SIL is knocking 35 and not got started yet as my brother isn't ready.

[Rockandrollwithit]

I would just go for it and TTC if you feel ready, you don't know how long it will take (up to a year is normal).

You can still apply for promotion whilst pregnant. A job came up when I was 30 weeks pregnant and I was promoted just before maternity leave.

[Karpuzkiz]

Go for it! My friend decided to wait because of the job situ and they've been now been TTC for a long time now. Now the job has changed she hates it but is trying to stay out because of the maternity pay.

So honestly go for it, you won't regret the baby but you may regret not trying sooner! Good luck! X