Life and TTC #2

[Lindy88]

Hi all, this is my first time on Msnet so please be kind...
Hubby and me have an ace 18 month old ds. We were v lucky with no 1 cos I got preggers first go, probably helped by having coil out just before. Been TTC no 2 since Jan, but no joy. He's over 40 and I'm 35. The thing is that this time around, we both at work almost full time, knackered, bit stressed and my OH has depression on and off for most of his life. We have no help nearby. . Because it hasn't happened so far I've started paying a bit more attention to the biology - I am v regular 26/7 day cycle. The last two months the pee sticks have confirmed I o around day 18, so have short luteal phase. I want to give us the best chance each month by doing it on the right days. We trying to be relaxed about it, but it's normal for us(at mo!) to have sex about 2-3 times a month. If we do it around day 10 (which seems to be his peak interest time!-he reckons he's tuned In to my hormones!) , he knows if I try to initiate sth again around day 16/17 then it's because of the o schedule. He's also not that interested quite a lot of the time cos he's s already 'peaked' for that week, so to speak. He hates the idea of the pee sticks and keeps trying to put it not happening so far down to me being stressed at work. But he just doesn't understand the biology or the fact that we do need to at least give ourselves a chance - doc has said they would give help if you have been TTC for a year, along with NHS guidelines i.e. Sex every other day for middle two weeks of cycle. I tried to start that last month but it just made it miserable. It sounds awful but I need to make him understand that the best way to have the least sex (!), or, at least organised sex, is to pay attention to the pee sticks. Then we could just relax and enjoy sex when we feel like it the rest if the time. I'm almost at the stage where I don't want to bring it up again and feel we should give up on a second. That's really not what I /we want but I don't want to miss time with our son arguing over TTC. Why don't men get biology?!! Does anyone else have any advice on TTC when life already knackering with one? Thanks.

[Wibblewobble100]

No real advice but some empathy. We struggle to DTD every second day throughout those two middle weeks too. its something Ive been thinking aboutposting about as I'd love some tips on how to increase my/our sex drive. However my husband is on board and wants a number 2 as much as I do,so we do it. ( not that it's worked yet). I'm sad that sex is about conception rather than passion, but achieving a pregnancy is at least a team effort. I think you just need to have a frank discussion with him.

[MotherofBoy]

Hi Lindy, we have a thread for ttc #2, come and join us!!

I have a 2yo and work full time plus long commute, same for dh, we are trying to move house and been v stressed lately. So definitely understand! My dh would rather not know about the biology too. We used to dtd about 2-3btimes a month like you. Since being off pill my sex drive has increased around ovulation which is lucky tho we have been ttc since Feb with no luck yet. I have realised that to get more sex it is more than just sex iyswim? I try to be more flirty generally now and put more effort into our relationship as I realised e.g. That we hardly kiss outside of the bedroom. Maybe try being more intimate with dh when you aren't trying to have sex? Might make it on his mind a bit more so that when it is the right time it isn't pressured or linked to ov as you have already preceded it with a bit of flirting etc beforehand. If that helps?! Depends on the couple I suppose!

[Poptart4]

Does your husband really want a second baby? If he's refusing to dtd on your fertile days, I'd seriously question how much he wants another child .

I have 3 kids so I really do understand being too tired for sex. My dp feels the same but when we are trying for a baby we get it done when we have to even if we're not really in the mood. Yes I know that's not romantic or sexy but that's life.

Sit your hubby down and ask him straight does he want another child? If he does then make it clear you have to dtd on your fertile days.

Sorry I don't mean to be harsh with you. I'm actually annoyed for you. I think your husband is messing you about here

[Lindy88]

Sorry for delay and thanks so much for replies. After reading the advice I came to realise we just had to do what was right for us as a couple.I knew my husband did want another baby but it was actually damaging our relationship putting so much pressure on TTC. Am pleased to say I got a BfP this month, so hoping and praying it will stay! For anyone future readers, this is what we did:

• give up a bit! I started drinking coffee again, and not thinking about whether I should have a glass of wine or not. I didn't test until I was a week late as on purpose I hadn't looked at when I was due on - months before I was counting down the days. . So generally just less stress.
  

-Also managed to get to one or two dance exercise classes a week to help with general fitness and stress
-as said above, I worked out using the cheapo amazon ovulation tests that I ovulate on day 17. Following motherofboys advice, I put some date nights in the diary for around that time, to give me and the man chance to enjoy ourselves together then dtd after. I'm pretty sure conception was when we actually took an afternoon off work together whist our boy was in nursery!

• I also remembed that I was taking bits with no 1(my mum is a gynie nurse!). I took agnus castus due to short cycle until I date, pre pregnant vitamin, starflower oil, vitamin B6 and Magnesium. Was only on these two months though so who knows if made a difference.
  

So thanks for the advice and lots of luck TTC. On the wait here until scan. Trying to take the same approach of forgetting about it till further on but is hard!! Xx