We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread 11

[Lime19]

Not sure if I should start new thread for this? Is there one open already?

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

Haven't seen one! Thanks for starting

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

8dpo here and going out of my mind. Boobs feel heavy and I have spots on my chin but could be pre AF symptoms. Will be testing lots over the next few days! Have cheap IC and two FRER which I'm saving for when I see at least a hint of a line on the IC.. I just wanna knooooooow

[hometownunicorn]

Thanks for starting lime

Same here grumpy. I'm CD 24, cycles post mc have been 26 days with spotting a few days before AF. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but no spotting so far so it's getting more difficult to keep it calm. So far I have been ravenous, had spots, headaches, wind (grim), been irritable, tired, etc. But those things are all potentially explained by AF or not getting much sleep. The not knowing is sooo hard. Not going to test till at least Sunday anyway, which will be day 27.

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

CM has dried up a bit which I think is a bad sign. Crazy dreams continue though. I just have this feeling like it's not worked

[Lime19]

I'm in the epu waiting for my appointment. Brings back bad memories. Hope this is my last time here.

[Lime19]

I'm not sure I trust symptom spotting. I didn't "guess" in my two pregnancies. It was a bit of a shock when the line came up!

[INeedABiggerBoat]

After my good news yesterday we've come down with a bump today. Yesterday's doctor who said HCG levels were fine, pregnancy fine etc was wrong. 99% chance I have either ectopic or mc.

My mum had this issue and it was a progesterone deficiency. Given my p level was 12 it looks like I might have the same thing.

Devastated. It's the rollercoaster of being told to expect the worst, then told it was all fine, then told I'm definitely losing it that's just awful.

[hometownunicorn]

lime sorry you're in epu. I hope they're more helpful today.

I totally agree about symptom spotting. When I got my BFP I was completely convinced I wasn't pregnant. Looking back I actually only tested when af was two days late because I was going out and wanted to know if I should avoid wine. I'm not hopeful this time round either, just going to wait and see. I either am or I'm not and constantly checking how I feel only makes me crazy. Fortunately trying to finish up a load of work stuff before going on holiday is quite distracting.

[emvy]

Thank you everyone for your replies on the previous thread.

It's a shame they won't scan you conker. My friend, who was a day ahead of me, had a scan yesterday at 5+6 and they saw an embryo and heartbeat - so things can definitely be seen if everything is ok! I'm going to be pushing for at least a blood test or something as I feel like I just need someone to confirm it for me. I KNOW I've miscarried but I think for my OH's sake, he needs someone to prove it. He keeps asking me if I'm sure . I've never been more sure. Bleeding and cramps all night. If I didn't have 3 pregnancy tests in my bathroom proving otherwise, I'd be convinced this was my af arriving late! I actually feel like I'm going to treat this as af and hope my cycle isn't too out of sorts!

bigger, I'm so sorry you've had these awful yes/no results over the past couple of days. I can't imagine how much of a whirlwind of feelings you have.

[Lime19]

Epu scan was ok. My uterus is empty, nothing left. My lining is super thin?! Not sure if that's normal. When will it start to build back up? When I finally test negative.

I got a 3cm cyst on my ovary so got to have a follow up to see it pops next cycle.

My bleeding is likely just left over bleeding.

I think next steps im going to my gp to ask more questions and also keep my private scan next week with my lovely lady who seems way more knowledgeable than NHS.

Emvy I'm sorry to hear your symptom she have not improved. Hope you get answers soon. one if the worst thing about mc is the not knowing!

[DancingUnicorn]

Thanks for the new thread!

I typed this out last night, I'm too lazy to retype:

Sorry I've been awol, have had a nasty virus and been sleeping on and off over the past two days having finally admitted I couldn't work any more!! Illness means I don't really trust my temping, so could be anything from 3 to 6 dpo, but already started symptom spotting. Even though everything I'm feeling is far more likely from the illness I've had!

I'm so, so sorry to see so many new people on here, and those who are bleeding in early pregnancy again. I desperately hope it's not bad bleeding, but can imagine your fear. Sending lots of love your way.

Starshine yes, ttc/mc is on my mind constantly. It's incredibly hard, as I'm starting to resent it. I just need to trust that it will be ok eventually.

I'm sorry your EPU were so shit Lime. I always feel incredibly lucky, as the care I received was truly amazing, and I'm incredibly grateful for the way I was treated, with compassion and humour in the shittest of situations. Mmc was diagnosed at my routine 12 week scan. Was referred to EPU same day and seen just over an hour later. The doctor apologised that I'd had to wait in the circumstances. She confirmed mmc, told me my options. I decided to decide over the weekend (had to go to a wedding!!) Went back Monday morning and asked for the surgery. They did it that afternoon. Truly wonderful people. Genuinely made me not want to move house until I've had a second child! (This will be my first!)

Bigger boat, I'm so sorry things are not looking positive. ❤️

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Found you!

I know what you mean Dancing, we were incredibly lucky and it's nice seeing some of the same faces at the RMC and hopefully down the line in happier days!

Glad the bleeding is settling Lime, so sorry it's all been so shit.

emvy You must have had an awful night.

Likewise Boat, what a bloody rollercoaster, you must be strung out beyond belief with the changing info you've been getting. What's the next step for you?

Waiting is so stressful Grumpy, sorry you're in limbo. Work is manic and I've been exhausted, crashing within a couple of hours of being home each evening, so managing not to really think of it much. 7ish DPO today. Going to wait till Monday I think.

I'm only CD17 so af not due for ages but I know I ovulated early.

[DancingUnicorn]

I'll be your peeing buddy on Monday Anne! Desperately trying not to test before then.

[Lalalax3]

Love to all those in EPU. Still waiting to test here. Last night at about midnight I had about 10 mins of extreme weirdness in my lady area. Rumblings, aches and then a feeling, honestly, like I'd been pierced. Obvs interpreted this is implantation but was prob IBS or something. 😂 Trying to stay busy today so I've just scrubbed my bathroom within an inch of its life. You know when you leave it too long and it's so utterly horrific that you just have to fling bleach everywhere? That.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

How many days DPO will you be Dancing?

I bought 2-4-1 FRERs from boots last month and have a worrying number of tests knocking around the house. I keep them in the spare room drawer so I have to make a conscious effort to get one, rather than the bathroom cupboard where I can reach over and grab one on a whim!

I'd really love to leave it as long as possible as BFNs are so disappointing and you always have the back of the mind thought that it's not true anyway, so hardly helps!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Fanny daggers gembles? Like being stabbed straight up the vag?

Always a joy...

Haven't had them often, and not when pregnant I don't think, but last month it was awful over two nights and then af arrived soon after.

And yes.... We have the smallest bathroom imaginable and I still put off a proper deep clean.

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I'm so sorry to those who are having a tough time, ttc and pregnancy can be so cruel.

Does anyone know how to go about finding a decent private consultant to talk to about fertility? I know it's still early days, but I'm thinking I might try and see someone if this month is as I expect (I don't think I'm going to ovulate no no chance of a bfp). It just feels like something isn't right post miscarriage and I don't want to have to wait for a year before getting it checked. I don't even know whether the NHS would count it from when we started ttc no 2 or from ttc post miscarriage. Anyway, I'll probably go down the private route if I can, but I just don't know where to start.

[Lalalax3]

Not so much in my fanny AnneLoves... but in the uterus area. And fizzy nipples today. Still plenty of CM. But trying to just ignore everything and expect AF as usual so I'm not too upset when it arrives.

[TurquoiseDress]

Ah ha found the new thread!

@Lime19 Thanks for starting it

Did the other one fill up already?!
Feels like the new one only started barely a month ago...that's a lot of activity!

CD9 here and getting fed up seeing that yet more friends/acquaintances are expecting- thanks Facebook!

I've started getting nosey & wondering how long it took to conceive, did they have miscarriages along the way esp the ones who have been married over 2 years and we were v vocal about "starting a family straight away"

Oh well, it's just my way of convincing myself that it will happen for us soon

I never used to give it a second thought, always just presumed people started TTC et voila.

Hmm not quite the case.

Hope you are all doing ok, great to see all the regular names- well, not great but you know what I mean!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Do you want a fertility specialist or a miscarriage one tiffin? There might be someone at your local hospital, if it's any good, who you might want to see privately.

Could start with googling people in your area and then seeing if anyone has got really good feedback.

Hey Turquoise, it does feel the whole world is currently pregnant doesn't it? My fb isn't bad at all but we now have two at work.

I'm going to be sooooooo super sensitive if I ever get to be one of them again. You just have no clue what people are going through and how it might make them feel.

And yes it did! Must have been over 40 messages last night, we're a chatty bunch Totally know what you mean, as much as I wish you'd all sod off as you're having healthy boring pregnancies, while we're stuck here I'm eternally grateful for the support, patience, wisdom, humour, empathy.

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

Anne I don't even know! I've had one miscarriage so I'm still hoping it was a one off. The thing that's concerning me is that I don't seem to be ovulating and despite getting pg first time with my DD and the mc, I'm not this time. I just want someone to check to make sure that the mmc and especially the surgery hasn't caused any issues. Is that stupid? I know I'm being really impatient, I just can't stand not being able to control or fix the problem! At least with more info I might feel slightly less neurotic.

[emvy]

So I have a scan at EPU tomorrow to check it's not ectopic as I have some hip pain. I don't think it is. The fear is kicking in - the fear that this will just keep happening and I will never get my baby. With one loss, that fear was minimal as I was sure that it was "just bad luck", and caused by the fact I he been pregnant with twins and my family can't seem to carry those successfully. With another, I know it's still classes as just bad luck again but it makes that fear even more real, even more possible. Especially as I'm certain that this time, it was just the one baby. Another one of those "hunches".

Those of you that have had repeated losses, do you have tips to staying sane?! I know I should be grateful I've only had 2, and I don't mean to ask this in an insensitive way for those of you having suffered many more.

And those of you discussing the whole world being pregnant/babies everywhere - yup! In the dr's today, waiting for him to confirm I was miscarrying, I sat opposite the tiniest, squishiest, most gorgeous baby. I hated those parents with such jealousy. And felt bad for feeling like that. Oh the joys of these feelings returning when I was just finding my way back towards positivity!

[emvy]

I don't blame you for being worried tiffin - definitely listen to your body and what it's telling you. If you're concerned and are able to look into it, definitely do. I really hope it kick starts again naturally though and all rights itself.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

The GP can do the bloods to check if you're ovulating tiffin. Is that worth a go in the immediate term? Probably the same tests a fertility person would start with and they'd be free, you could then take them to a specialist.

Trust your gut. If you feel like something's not right then pursue it and try to find out more. I can't think why the surgery would have affected ovulation but worth asking.

How about calling the miscarriage association and asking how you'd find the best person to talk to? They might be able to talk you through common issues and your thoughts about what's going on in there.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Be thinking of you at your scan tomorrow emvy

Staying sane you say?

You go a day at a time. Keep busy when that feels right. Rest when you need to. Allow yourself the odd session of uninhibited sobbing under your duvet (mother's day nearly levelled me this year!). Lean on your husband/partner and any friends who get it.

Several months on I find myself worrying less about the long term and probably worrying less generally actually. I have moments of paralysing fear about never getting my baby and not ever been a Mum. About yet more losses, pain and trauma. But they don't last long!

Find what comforts you, and do it it.

For me I got a bit into crystals and I cook a lot, others have church, mindfulness, mediation, walking.

It's not about blocking it out, but trying for a balance between honesty and letting your feelings out when you need to, and staying sane and functional the rest of the time.

As a stepmum I'm a stuck between the good and bad bits of not having children, and then having part time children. No baby to snuggle and be grateful for, not much time, money, flexibility to let loose and enjoy the lack of responsibility.

I want children of my own as I'm already living the life of a parent every weekend, and DH wants more because he knows how great it is and he desperately wants them to have siblings. Sometimes I think it's worse for me as he's already a dad so has lost less. He thinks that's unfair and while the physical losses are mine the emotional losses are the same, plus his additional worry about me.

So when we need to we talk, and talk, and talk and talk some more.

We're still laughing, having fun, shagging both in and out of the green week, drinking moderately, making plans, looking after each other.

I've found reading other people's experiences has helped, to see how someone else expresses what you struggle to put into words is reassuring.

After 3 losses you end up under a RMC anyway (we're on 4 now) and for us having a plan, whether or not it'll work, is something hugely positive too. I'm not actually convinced as they haven't found a cause in either the one baby they tested or me, so how can they really fix it. But our guy has good results so travelling hopefully.

Having you lot to talk to helps an awful lot! Maybe knowing some of it's not sane but is still totally okay is the most useful thing of all xxx