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Is there a "right" time to have a baby

(10 Posts)
WhenIsTheRightTime Sun 28-May-17 09:54:47

Sorry if this isn't the right place! I figured the board with women trying to conceive would be the best place to ask.

How did you and your dp decide it was the right time to have a baby?

I've been with my partner for six years, we're both 27 and I'm so broody it's unbearable! I've been broody for years but lately my partner is coming round to the idea too like he'll always point out a cute baby etc, often talk about our kids and how nice it'd be etc.

Positives: we both have good careers, good family support, we'd like to be young-ish parents.

Negatives: my partner's mum has been diagnosed with cancer so life is up in the air enough as it is, we're not married, we're still fairly young and there are things we might like to do before kids like travel (although no concrete plans or even tentative ones).

How did y'all decide that it was the right time?

ForeverHopeful21 Sun 28-May-17 12:30:48

I think most people will say that there is no perfect time.
You're in a stable relationship and can finance a child, so I think they are the main 'sensible' things covered. If you feel broody then there's no better sign!
Due to my personal circumstances I would say don't delay things. It's been 3 years since we started trying and still no baby (only a miscarriage in march). I actually felt broody around 5 years ago but hubby wanted to wait until we bought a bigger house, then we waited until we were married. Now I wish more than anything that we started trying when we were a bit younger.

As for wanting to do 'more' before kids, you can still do a lot of cool stuff when you do have kids, not to mention all the things you'll be able to do when they're older. My parents had us kids young, and they're now in their 50's and having the time of their life and travelling the world!
Good luck x

SlB09 Sun 28-May-17 12:39:48

No 'right' time, there will always be a list of things you want to do, places you want to see, career goals, financial goals etc but if you know you definately want a family then just go with your feelings. Your life will adjust accordingly xx

CinnamonSwirlGirl85 Sun 28-May-17 16:13:03

I also agree you should just go for it when you know it's what you both want and you can afford it (and by that I mean: afford the basics!). There is never a "right" time. We thought the right time for us was a few years ago when we were both 29. It then took us quite a while to conceive and we kicked ourselves for not trying earlier!

SheepyFun Sun 28-May-17 16:29:14

I can think of a few 'wrong times' (before you're an adult, when your relationship is unstable/abusive, when one of you has firm plans that wouldn't work with a baby etc.) but I don't think there's a perfect time, and it sounds like you're in a good place to consider it.

yayayahey Sun 28-May-17 16:35:56

There's no right time.

We waited before having a 2nd and it's my greatest regret in life as we now can't have anymore.

Oysterbabe Sun 28-May-17 18:42:32

For us it was after marriage. I knew I'd be making the most career sacrifices of the 2 of us to have kids and wanted the protection of marriage.

mctat Sun 28-May-17 18:47:57

Agree there's no 'right' time necessarily, but if you want to travel I'd do that first.

It's not like you can't go anywhere but it will be different.

MotherofBoy Mon 29-May-17 14:15:51

We always knew we wanted children and we wanted them fairly young. We were 22 and 24 when we got married and new we didn't want to hang around - we had spoken about having children for a long time before we got married. We both had stable jobs but I was studying for professional qualifications (still am), so we wanted to time it so that I would be half way through my exams so had a few under my belt. We also wanted to buy a house first to make sure we had a stable home for the baby. Anyway, so we started ttc a year after we got married and about 6 months after moving into our first house. Fell pregnant almost straight away and DS is now nearly 2.

So upshot is there is never a right time. For us we thought it better to have children early on in our careers as that would be less of a downfall income-wise and career wise than further on when we are looking at promotions etc. It has worked out well as our expenses of having a child have increased in line with our income increases so we don't 'miss' anything financially if that makes sense! We are now ttc #2, and I am nearly qualified sitting last exam in a few weeks!

My advice would be if you feel ready, if you have financial security to be able to provide for a child (factoring in cost of childcare if you go back to work), then do it before you get older! The older you are after 35 the chances of conceiving do decrease. (Don't know stats but think that 35 is the turning point). If your dh is agreeing to the idea then why not have a serious convo about when? That obviously takes it to the next level in terms of 'I want your children' then 'we will have kids one day' then 'I'd like kids soon' to finally 'let's try for a baby now/next month'.

Good luck op smile

WhenIsTheRightTime Tue 30-May-17 01:19:03

Thanks for all the thoughts guys. I'm also doing a professional qualification Mother which I'll finish in December. I'll speak to my oh when he's home and see what he thinks (travelling away for work atm).

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