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Lonely and deflated :(

(10 Posts)
Trickymiss14 Fri 26-May-17 23:34:59

I really just need to vent.. Cd1 today of month 12 TTC with PCOS and endo. I know compared to some that's nothing but I've gotten to a point where I feel like it won't ever happen and I'm not sure how I will cope if that is the case.. Sadly where I live NHS funding is only available after 2 years TTC (I don't understand how they can justify this when a person has underlying conditions that CAUSE infertility!!) so I'm feeling completely and utterly useless and exhausted from the past year of trying desperately to be happy for all 12 colleagues, friends and family members who have announced pregnancies in that time.. Keeping it all to myself is getting harder and harder but talking to my other half about it makes me just as lonely as he doesn't understand how it feels to be the one with the issue (his SA came back normal). I want to scream and shout and sob about how unfair my life is, and while I know a lot of people have it so much worse, I can't help it. Every month I pick myself up and snap back into positive mode but I'm not sure I can keep doing it. I feel like I'm going to implode if I don't just blurt everything out sad

SSF8 Sat 27-May-17 00:22:25

Sending lots of love and hugs.
I am currently 12dpo on month 9 TTC.
I'm not going through as much as you. I am very lucky to have a 9 year old DD already. Although this time round is proving more difficult.
DO NOT give up hope
DO NOT blame yourself
And as difficult as it may be, try not to vent to your other half. Because there's nothing worse than arguing about it, then realising you're ovulating. And having to persuade him to DTD! Haha
I wish you the best of luck. And it will happen one day. Xx

Hippychic18 Sat 27-May-17 07:06:53

Hey tricky ... I agree with what Ssf has said.
I have been ttc a while now, and am not having an easy time either so I created a Pma to bfp thread ... we had lots of members at the start but quite a few of them have graduated now and have set up their own thread to discuss pg. Some of the members have been ttc for +12 months some have graduated and some haven't. You'd be very welcome to join our thread and we will support you when you need to vent but at the same time will try and keep it positive xxx

littlemimosa Sat 27-May-17 08:09:23

Oh OP I feel for you. It's so very very hard. I just thought of a website when I read your post. It has loads of info on about improving pcos and endo naturally.
Go to the section 'blog/articles'. Two recent articles are 'the five worst foods for endo' and 'improving pcos with supplements '. Sometimes doctors don't tell you this stuff. I hope this is useful x

ForeverHopeful21 Sat 27-May-17 10:11:39

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I know it's a very lonely road but there are others on here who understand and can support you, I promise.
I have endo and large ovarian cysts. Went to GP at 18 months of trying and no help offered. I finally got pregnant after 2.5 years of trying (just as we were referred to the fertility clinic!) but had a MC at 12 weeks. It's now 3 years and 1 month since we started trying and still no baby. I know that's probably not what you want to hear but my point is that I feel your pain.

It's really shit when everyone around you appears to be getting pregnant, and for some it's so easy. Even more annoying when some of them don't appreciate how easy they've had it and the difficulties other people have to face.

Please please don't blame yourself. I truly believe that conception, pregnancy and child birth is a miracle.
Some days I'm sad and some days I'm angry. At the moment I'm in a positive place because I know I'm doing all I can. Please don't be hard on yourself. I'm keeping everything crossed for you xx

CinnamonSwirlGirl85 Sat 27-May-17 23:23:02

I'm so sorry and really feel for you. I was in your position 2 years ago and lost all faith that it would ever happen (it did, it just took a long time). It's so hard when you're in the trenches and there are pregnancy announcements and pregnant women everywhere.

Have they offered anything for your endo? Can you be put on a waiting list for surgery?

I know it's hard but try and keep the faith. So many couples take well over a year/two years to conceive, even without needing intervention x

Trickymiss14 Sun 28-May-17 20:24:51

Thank you all so much for replying. Sorry I've not replied sooner but I was just giving myself a little break to feel a bit better. Some of your lovely words made me cry- it's so nice to know there are others out there who can understand, empathise and support each other when we are feeling low. I have had surgery twice for my endo so it is very much improved but still have pain etc and really don't want another surgery if I can avoid it. Also on metformin for PCOS and am a healthy BMI, also have regular (34-35 day) cycles and bloods/bbt and opk's show I appear to be ovulating which is even more frustrating as at least if I wasn't I would know where to start/ could see a reason for it. I have a consultation at the hospital end of June to discuss a hycosy (? Think that's what it's called) to check for blockages, so I might just explode with information and hope they are empathetic/helpful.

I'm so sorry to those of you who have also been TTC for a while and have yet to get your BFP/ baby. I'm sure it will just be a case of time but I'm impatient at the best of times unfortunately! Feeling much more positive today and going on holiday this week so at least I can drink while away! (Silver linings) hope you've all spent the weekend relaxing and enjoy the good weather (if you've been lucky enough to have any!) xxx

CinnamonSwirlGirl85 Tue 30-May-17 18:18:59

I'm so pleased you're feeling a little better Tricky. Long term TTC is so draining. Unless people have been through it they just don't understand how all-encompassing it is.

12 months TTC is actually not that long and many people go on to conceive naturally after this point. I say that as someone who hit rock bottom around 12 months and assumed I was was only after I conceived and I was open with friends about everything that I found many people took over a year/two years and went on to conceive naturally.

Also, although not successful for everyone (and certainly not always successful first or second go) IVF can be a success for many people...and there are many things the doctors can do before you need to consider IVF. In short: there is a lot that can be done before you need to give up hope! Good luck x x x

Viletta Wed 31-May-17 18:18:43

@Trickymiss14 can you tell nhs that you've been trying for 2yy?

Trickymiss14 Wed 31-May-17 19:27:40

@viletta not really as I had the mirena coil and had it removed by my GP so they'll know when we started unfortunately!

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