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Can anyone help/relate?

(6 Posts)
KitKatKate1993 Wed 17-May-17 13:16:11

I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 36 in a few months time.. I've said I want to start trying in the next 2 years.. He's saying he wants to wait at least 5 years.. That would take him to 41 years old and me to 29 years old.
In my head that's not what I want. Im thinking about when the child groes up and is 5 that puts him at nearly 50 years old.

It's really not what I want. Have you ever just looked at your partner and thought I really want your babies? That's what I'm like. It's almost an unnatural craving.

I've tried to tell him this but he wants to do things very traditionally.. Get engaged.. Enjoy that.. Get married and then start trying.. But that's going to take years and I'm already conscious of the age gap and practicality of things.. Just because you're able to procreate at that age doesn't necessarily mean it's top notch quality!

I don't want a geriatric in the ward with me or risking a broken hip trying to kick a ball about!

We've known eachother 4 years.. In that time we got really close for one of those years and have been together for 2 officially.

Am I being unrational to his wants or does it make sense given the age gap etc?

MotherofBoy Wed 17-May-17 13:33:12

Sounds like it's the commitment more than anything. Having a baby is a far greater commitment than marriage as you are stuck with a link to that person for life! And it comes with a lot more responsibility. Maybe he is trying to say by getting married first etc he wants to build up to that sort of commitment. It doesn't sound like he is ready tbh.

KitKatKate1993 Wed 17-May-17 13:46:21

Thanks MotherofBoy.. He says its what he wants but like my mother always said "talk is cheap".. I don't want to feel like he's being pressured but I really don't want to be waiting 5 years especially with a 12 year gap between me and OH.

physicskate Wed 17-May-17 18:57:54

I can relate somewhat. I wanted to be married. At that point we'd been together 4 years and I was 30... He wanted a long engagement.

After marriage, I was ready. But DH wanted us to buy a house first. That took well over a year for us to find and then a few months for contracts etc... And then he was scared. So we started ttc when I was 32. And now I'm 33 and we still aren't pregnant. Now I'm mad that I didn't push a bit harder for it earlier and DH is annoyed that he made us wait so long...

We've been together since I was 26 (he was 30) and we are still childless. But relationships are about compromise. You might not want to set a firm deadlines this far in advance... but remind him it might not happen quickly... or at all without help. You don't know until you try!

peppatax Wed 17-May-17 19:02:51

I'm not sure why it's so much of a problem for you if he's in his 40s being a father to a baby. If it's going to cause you an issue that he's old then perhaps he's the wrong person for you.

If you are worried he'll change his mind in that time then again, on the bright side you're still young enough to move on if children are a dealbreaker for you.

Don't let this come between you though - putting pressure on him will only create more relationship problems.

jimijack Wed 17-May-17 19:14:01

I was 43, dh was 41 when we had our second child, we are certainly NOT geriatric with potential fractured hip when kicking a ball around.
I think that you are being ridiculous making statements like that, sorry.

You sound ready, he sounds like he isn't, is there any wriggle room to negotiate on the timing with him?

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