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Relationship advice please!

(13 Posts)
user1493122015 Fri 28-Apr-17 12:11:15

Stuck in the dilemma that I want a child and my fiancé doesn't, he forced me to have an abortion 3 years ago and has been promising every year on from them we can try starting to convince and every time I ask he says next yearsad I only have one ovary so I am struggling as it is! Please someone help I'm driving myself insane. I love him so much we have brilliant jobs money a mortgage a stable home why does he keep staying nosad

MadMamma9 Fri 28-Apr-17 13:27:39

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Have you made it clear that you don't want to wait. Is he stressed at all? Did he always state he wanted kids some day? I'm my opinion it's a joint decision but also there are factors that come into play for us ladies, such as age and ability to conceive and carry a child. You need to decide what you want, do you want a baby now (no compromise) or are you going to put it off another year again. I personally would sit him down and tell him how much this means to you and that you want a child now, and hopefully he will see what is means to you, or perhaps he will continue to say he is not ready. One thing is certain you both need to be on the same page when it comes to conceiving.

Chattycat78 Fri 28-Apr-17 13:54:20

A lot of it depends on how much time you have- how old are you?

Agree with the above poster- you need to be on the same page. I'd find out why he wants to put it off.

WantToGoingTo Fri 28-Apr-17 14:12:54

Does he want children at all? You say he forced you to have an abortion - aka his choice not yours - if he keeps putting it off I would question whether he does want children as if you do and he doesn't that will break you

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 28-Apr-17 14:15:28

He forced you to have an abortion?! What?

Jobs and a nice home are great, but why do think this man who would treat the woman he's supposed to love and care for so badly is the person you want as the father of your children?

It doesn't sound like he wants children and he's fobbing you off while your heart must be breaking over what you've lost and what you're getting further away from having, the longer he messes you around.

Please don't marry him. He's deceitful at best and abusive at worst.

Emmageddon Fri 28-Apr-17 14:19:55

If he doesn't want children, and he made you terminate the pregnancy you had, then please walk away from him and find someone who wants the same as you. You can't change him into a man who will enjoy being a dad, and if you do have a child with him, against his will, you could end up in a very unhappy relationship.

user1493122015 Fri 28-Apr-17 15:40:02

Thank you everyone for your support. He has a 7 year old daughter already that we have a lot of the time I treat her like my own. It's breaking me I'm going paranoid and everything I love him so much but we are on different pages msad I'm 27 had one of my ovaries removed when I was 18 due to a burst cyst. He's now saying we can have a child when we are married but do I trust that? 👎

user1493122015 Fri 28-Apr-17 15:41:42

I've tried talking to him but I just end up in a complete state and then get a migraine and nothing changessad he's now saying just do what you need to do what does that even mean

Oysterbabe Fri 28-Apr-17 15:42:28

When are you intending to get married?

floraeasy Fri 28-Apr-17 15:45:26

Oh my, OP!

I am sorry but why are you building a life with a man you say forced you into an abortion?

Now he's keeping you dangling on a string making promises and shelved them as your fertile years pass you by.

Remember, if he has a child already you will likely not get IVF assistance - check the rules of your local area.

I am sorry, but I don't like the sound of this man at all. I am not sure you should be thinking of building a family with such a man.

floraeasy Fri 28-Apr-17 15:48:03

he forced me to have an abortion 3 years ago

has been promising every year on from them we can try starting to convince and every time I ask he says next year

He's now saying we can have a child when we are married but do I trust that?

Why does he get to make all the rules, move the goalposts and call all the shots??

user1493122015 Fri 28-Apr-17 16:00:26

Because I was young I couldn't afford to bring a child into the world I was very naive. I just don't know what so say to him

physicskate Sat 29-Apr-17 08:26:51

You need to have an open and honest conversation. If children is a deal breaker for you, you'll have to be prepared to walk away. Don't give him an ultimatum (cause that's very manipulative) but just say to tell you now if he doesn't want children because you only have a finite amount of time in which you can have kids. If he says yes he does want (more) then start asking when he envisions this happening and what's holding him back from ttc.

Sounds like this guy is just stringing you along. I'd have my exit plan in place.

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