It isn't fair

[Twinkletoes88]

Hi everyone,

I apologise in advance for what I'm about to write but I just need to write it so I can get on with the day ahead.

I woke up to AF this morning and I'm gutted. As always. It feels so unfair and I know that this sounds very irrational and immature but I could scream. It feels so unjust that so many people can fall pregnant so easily and so quickly, that so many people get pregnant without trying and so many claim to be on bc and still manage it... yet here I am (me and millions of you) who every month for a year now take loads of opks and use gels and note symptoms and time sex and all the rest of it and yet... nothing!!

The symptoms in the tww are cruel. I had so many "symptoms" which clearly weren't symptoms at all, it isn't fair.

How can do much sperm be there at the right time and not fertilise the bl*ody egg?! Whhhyyy.

Sorry everyone. I just hope some of you will know how I'm feeling and see past the immaturity of what I'm writing. I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself right now.

[Hippychic79]

It is totally normal to feel the way you are especially on cd1!!!
It doesn't happen immediately for everyone it just seems that way sometimes.
Sounds like you need some Pma ... feel free to join our Pma thread .... there's a mixture of ladies on there .... some have been trying for a good few many cycles and some have graduated but stay on the thread because we're all so lovely ... I am bias :))
Anyway - be kind to yourself for the next few days and then plan for next cycle and remember every month is one month closer to your bfp
Xxx

[ForeverHopeful21]

Don't apologise. It can be such a sad and frustrating thing to go through, especially when others around you appear to fall pregnant so easily and quickly. I totally understand. Every month I'd convince myself I was pregnant and I'd have all these 'symptoms' telling me so, only for AF to come along and shatter my dreams! Bitch!

For 2.5 years I charted and scheduled, researched, took vitamins and did everything possible. I went to the GP in tears. I was offered a blood test and my DH offered a sperm test. The day after my DH received the 'kit' in the post, I found out that I was pregnant (even though we'd only had sex once that week). Crazy!! Unfortunately I had a MC but what I'm saying is that I got my BFP the one month that I wasn't focused on being pregnant. We had sex when we wanted to just because we wanted to. I've heard other people have success when they're 'not trying' if that makes any sense.

You could visit your GP if you haven't already?
Or maybe have a couple of months off from all the scheduling. Sometimes it can cause more stress than you realise.
Big hugs xxx

[Twinkletoes88]

Thanks ladies.

OH has had his sperm tested and they said we have nothing to worry about there. DR wouldn't send me for a scan or blood test until his results were back so I've been waiting.

I feel nasty but I ranted to my best mate this morning and she's replied a few times with sympathy but then with a video of her kid..... yeah koz that's exactly what I want to see isn't it? And I have to go to a baby shower Saturday... feel like it's all a bit of a rub in today

[WelshMammy123]

Hi Twinkletoes,

If I were you I'd put yourself first and if the baby shower will be too hard don't go. I've just had to dodge a series of things as I reached the due date for my baby girl lost last October and I couldn't face anything baby or pregnancy related.

I don't know if it helps to give you hope but it took us 3.5 years to conceive our living dd. It was agony at times. We had all the tests and nothing wrong and even went through one cycle of Ivf which didn't work before we finally fell pregnant naturally. She's 2 now. I know you won't want it to take that long (!) but I'm sharing because even after all that time there's hope and it can happen.

I fell pregnant twice last year but lost both of my babies and am now on cycle 6 of trying again. I feel like I'm probably in for a long slog again.

Anyway just wanted to say I hear you and know how you feel x

[Emmastone123]

Hey OP

I got my AF today too . It's crap isn't it? And such bad cramping and spots on face - not exactly adding to my mood!!! Ugh. Let's stay possitive for this upcoming cycle - we can do it, and it will happen!! X

[physicskate]

Cd 3 for me. Had two chemicals in the last year. Last one was march, followed by a really long cycle... been ttc 14 months. Gp won't offer me any tests until 12 months from my last chemical. So I give up. The bbt, the tracking, the lot!

As you can see I'm taking the attitude of 'if the baby doesn't want me I don't want it!!!!!' But actually I'm desperate and trying to invoke Sod's law that it will happen when I'm 'not trying'. I'm sure I won't feel the same near ov... but I'm totally fed up, deflated, depressed.

I get it. You sound completely sane and level headed to me!!