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Want to TTC for number 2; DP wants to wait

(6 Posts)
Applebite Wed 05-Apr-17 09:58:20

I'm 39, he is 36. DC is 18 months and was conceived when I was 37 on the first try. But I know the second often isn't as easy and I am 39 (and feeling a lot older these days!) and so I think we should just crack on.

DP really does want a second, but he also wants to wait until we've moved and done a few other things; he talks blithely about waiting until I am 42. I can't seem to get it through his head that it might well not happen by then!

Am I over reacting? Or should I keep pushing so that he understands the risks in waiting?

Thanks all!

Waitingonasmile Wed 05-Apr-17 10:04:12

I think you can't force him into something he isn't ready for, but you should perhaps show him statistics about how much fertility declines nearer 40. You might of course be lucky but no guaranteed, so if he want a second it might have to be sooner than later. Good luck

GreedyDuck Thu 06-Apr-17 07:08:03

HIB a bit U. Does he understand about eggs, and that they decline in quality? That the risk of miscarriage goes up to around 1:2, or that the risk of Downs by maternal age goes up to something like 1:50 by the age of 42 (compared to 1:200 at 37).

I am pregnant with #2 at 43, and it's fucking terrifying, far more so than when I had my daughter at 40 (there's also been miscarriages along the way).

Also, a five year age gap is fine for a lot of people, but it can be a bit wearing when your children are at such different stages and have such different interests. would you really want to go back to the nappy and sleepless nights stage once #1 is at school?

Chattycat78 Thu 06-Apr-17 08:47:13

Yeah sorry I would crack on. Definitely do not wait until you're 42. You'd regret if if you didn't happen, and as you age, egg quality really really declines as someone has already said. I wouldn't be reassured that others get pregnant in their 40s either- that doesn't mean it will happen for you. Everyone is different. Also I know you said it happened fast last time- there is so much luck involved and it's an unknown. I wouldn't take that to mean it will happen straight away the second time, especially if you're older. I had 2 children 17 months apart because I didn't want to wait and have it not happen at all. Fertility is not to be taken for granted. I would try to explain this to your husband if you can.

Applebite Thu 06-Apr-17 13:05:08

Thanks all, this has assured me IANBU!

Will chat to him.

juneau Thu 06-Apr-17 13:11:38

YANBU at all. If he wants a second DC then he needs to get over his reservations and crack on. Fertility is never guaranteed and after 40 all bets are off. If he waits until you're 42 it's a massive gamble and for what? Sure, some women can get pregnant after 40 - some of those with ease - but you don't want to put yourself in that position unless you have no other option.

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