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Normal to be terrified at having another baby?

(14 Posts)
Freezingwinter Fri 31-Mar-17 14:19:56

Well, not terrified wink but definitely anxious! When we were tttc my son it took 10 months, and I don't want a huge age gap, but hopefully it won't take as long this time around?!

Mainly I worry at how my relationship with my son will change. I worry I would love a baby differently/more/less. All of my friends with two or more have said this isn't the case, what is everyone's verdict here?! And can/do you cope with a baby and a 3 year old? Any advice? Thanks in advance!

scottishbride Fri 31-Mar-17 16:41:13

Hello!
No advice I'm afraid, but a bit of a handhold. In my head it's crystal clear that I want a sibling for ds, both dh and I are both very close to our respective siblings.
It's really early days, ds is not one yet but I just wonder how I'll cope with another pregnancy and giving another baby the same care I've tried to give ds.
Looking forward to hearing some replies!

Freezingwinter Fri 31-Mar-17 18:46:42

Oh thank you. It's so nice to hear I am not alone!!
My DS is two and I would really like to start trying soon. Maybe at the end of summer?
But I worry about coping with pregnancy with a toddler, and also the intense newborn stage when you are a breastfeeding zombie who passes out as soon as your head hits the pillow! How do people do it with two??!

WantToGoingTo Fri 31-Mar-17 19:12:19

Have similar fears! My DS is 20 months and I worry how I will cope with pregnancy if and when we conceive. But definitely want another! Haven't quite thought about the sleepless nights etc plus toddler in the mix...

BlueSpottyTiger Fri 31-Mar-17 21:36:13

Yes im back and forth in my head with having another and i am ttc.
My dd is 13months old, and i really would like a sibling for her. There is 20months between my sister and i and i love how close we are and i definitely want that for my children(if possible) smallest possible gap will be 23months..2 under 2 argh! And i do think it will be hard work and very trying but also very rewarding and will work out better in the long run.
My dd's sleep can vary so much night to night so i never know what im in for but i would rather stay sleepless than to get back to sleeping and nappies ect just to have a baby in a few years and start all over if that makes sense... i want another one day so why not now, plus I'll get another precious year off work with my dd while she is still so young.
Goodluck to you!! x

Heatherbell1978 Fri 31-Mar-17 21:52:11

I've just had DD (4 weeks old) and have a 2.5 yr old DS. The pregnancy itself wasn't as bad as I thought. It depends on your OH and situation with your toddler. My DH is very hands on and DS is in nursery 4 days a week (still is) while I worked. DH would get up with DS in the mornings and be home sharp from work so I wasn't having to spend loads of time alone with DS. I was way more tired but i think that was more down to age/my job/not sleeping well than necessarily my first child.
4 weeks in we're just getting on with it. Again DH is doing a lot around the house and DS is in nursery so I'm at home alone with newborn. DD is a bit more high maintenance than DS (fussy feeder and clingy) but I'm more relaxed so finding I can get a lot more done (like dressed by 10am!) than with DS. At weekends we're just winging it at the moment...

Sonnet18 Sun 02-Apr-17 06:44:18

My DD is 14 months old and I'm 34 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy has felt quicker than my first (I'm too busy to google everything and worry about silly things!) but I'm starting to feel a little apprehensive about the birth, the first few weeks, not being able to give DD what she is used too etc... however I have to just assume all will be ok! I am one of three siblings (12 months between my sister and I and then16 months between my other sister and I) and we are all fine - my mum included!
If you want another one then go for it! Another baby can only ever be a positive thing!

Emma2803 Sun 02-Apr-17 15:05:16

I was literally just thinking this today too freezing!! My ds has just turned two and we have just started ttc #2!
Ds was and is a great eater and sleeper he really was no trouble at all but I was a bit anxious the first few months with him (am I doing the right thing, am I doing enough, am I doing too much etc.)
I worry how I will cope with two, will dc2 be as easy as ds, how will ds cope with sharing me etc. I'm assuming it will all turn out ok and I actually think it might be easier as they will entertain each other after a while.

KW89 Mon 03-Apr-17 21:54:16

I have DS1 three and a half years old, and DS2 one and a half. There are 23months between them, and I'm five weeks pregnant!
Early days I didn't find too difficult, other than DS2 being a pretty bad sleeper (14months to be exact before he slept through consistently!) and DS1 has always been an easy child.
It got a bit more tricky once DS2 was on the move, and would knock over towers, take toys etc. Now they still have their moments where they bicker, but generally they are the best of friends, they are so close, and it is magical seeing DS2 looking up to his big brother, and DS1 trying to teach little one things! They make each other giggle like no-one else can.
I was definitely more anxious about adding DS2 to the mix, than I am about DC3 arriving!

Freezingwinter Fri 07-Apr-17 14:24:54

I am really starting to think seriously about ttc. Ideal is for baby 2 to be born late next year 2018. However, it took us 11 cycles to conceive first time around.
What would you all do?

BlueSpottyTiger Fri 07-Apr-17 14:45:41

Well, you never know how long it will take. Could happen the first month ttc..it could take longer than 11months or anything inbetween.. would you be happy/ how would you feel if you started say now or in a few months and fell pregant straight away so baby wouldn't be born late 2018?

I've bit the bullet and were ttc #2 now.. took 3cycles with DD and i have no expectations how long ttc this time may take.
The smallest possible gap would be 22months 3weeks(if carried to term).. and i know it would be tough but im ready to accept the challenge.. i do want a small age gap though.
Goodluck in what you decide xx

Jamhandprints Fri 07-Apr-17 14:55:40

I have 2 ds's aged 3 and 5. Having 2 has been really hard. Of course I love both loads and they make me smile but it does mean less attention for each child. They do each have to compromise. Childcare for the second birth is a massive deal too...unless you have family near by. Whenever me and OH have only one child at home we both sigh and say "imagine how easy/nice/calm life would be with just one child!" So don't feel you have to have another. Children don't need a sibling, I think most would rather have their parents attention than anything else.

Freezingwinter Fri 07-Apr-17 15:06:44

The thing is I am an only child and very much would love a sibling even now. It's really important to me to have another baby, all being well. I do have family that would take care of my first during the birth. My sons nursery hours go to free when he turns 3 next easter so that would be a huge help. And dh has just been offered a managerial position but salary not decided yet, obviously it'll be a bit more than he's on now.

Lovelymonkeyninetynine Sat 08-Apr-17 13:54:22

I've posted about this before but I was very worried about having 2 as I was so close to my first. In fact I cried a lot during my second pregnancy at the thought of it!
But, as you're an only child (as I am) you don't factor in how important and beautiful the sibling relationship can be. It's amazing watching my 2 together, now 2 and 4. It's hideously hard work at the start though so make sure you have good support.
Good luck

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