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Getting healthy and waiting or trying at 38!

(9 Posts)
Pops78 Sun 26-Mar-17 23:29:50

Hi, I hope this is the right place to post this. I've been on Mumsnet many years but never posted before. I'm really desperate to get some views on what I should do right now about trying for a 3rd child. I'm 38 and incredibly blessed to have 2 wonderful dd's (3 and 7) and a lovely DH. I am a SAHM at the moment and my 3 year old will start nursery after Easter hols but only 12.30 to 3.30 each day. The truth is I've always wanted lots of kids, bought up as single child by my mum, no contact with dad and was very lonely. I struggle a bit as 2 yrs after my first DD I was finally diagnosed with an under active thyroid. I know lots of people have this but my energy levels and weight gain, even on medication are awful. My amazing mum died very very suddenly 2.5 yrs ago when dd2 was 6 months old right in front of me. I feel like that night I knew I would have to try to have another child to fill my void which I know sounds crazy but it came very quickly to my thoughts. I suffer in pg with hyperemesis, in and out of A&E till at least 20 weeks, I also got a horrific vaginal varicose vein for the last 10 weeks of my last pg. All these thing have made my hubby very negative about another baby as he hates me suffering and is worried about the kids care while I am unwell. I also broke my foot badly last year and am still suffering, potentially may need an operation still! Anyway DH has turned a corner and he definitely is now open to another child. I really want to start trying as I don't know how quickly or even if I can get pg again. Am really worried to be sick with 2 kids if I do but mainly I am 18 stone and desperate to get down to a healthy weight for the potential baby and me. I am about to start grief counselling as I am really suffering from the loss of my mum still. Sorry for the waffle but essentially my question is should I just go for it and try at least with Dh or really focus on weight loss, getting healthy and doing the counselling first?

cheeeseplease Mon 27-Mar-17 05:17:54

Hi. I'm in a fairly similar position and decided to just go for it. I felt time was slipping away to quickly! But I think wjat is righr for one isn't always right for another. The consultant I saw to discuss fertility/infertility did not think my weight was a big enough problem to delay my plans. Best of luck

Sample1936 Mon 27-Mar-17 05:44:48

Please get healthy first.
You could also foster or adopt. Your existing children and husband should take priority. They need you and its not fair to put them though the worry and unnecessary pain. You could also get a dog or a pet to help with nurturing needs and exercise.

Sample1936 Mon 27-Mar-17 05:50:41

When your baby was 6 months you felt you need another baby? Do you feel the grief of losing your mother robbed you ftom enjoying yout second child and trying through a third baby to restart a fresh baby stage?
It's good you're seeking counselling but 2 kids and a new born or even an unhealthy pregnancy is not exactly going to be great for your mental health - weight and hypermises issues aside.
Your husband is whom you should discuss this with. He knows you more thsn we could ever do and he will be (as will your children) be affected by another baby.
He isn't keen and i can well see why.

ICJump Mon 27-Mar-17 05:52:39

I'm in a similar position but am choosing to lose weight and be active first. I can't do another pregnancy bring obese. I also know I'll hit barriers to type of care I want if I'm as large as I am

Bebraveagain Mon 27-Mar-17 06:00:42

You sound undermedicated for your underactive thyroid so you should tackle that first. You need to get your TSH under 2.5 to stand the best chance for mother and baby health. Make sure your iron levels are optimum too befire the strains of pregnancy start draining them.

Pops78 Mon 27-Mar-17 06:43:19

Thanks so so much for your responses. My girls and DH are my world, literally, no dad, grandparents, siblings, parents in law not nice and live in another country (didn't even bother to come to our wedding). So when I said I wanted to fill the void left by my mum I meant I felt I wanted to add to my family/ little world more. My medication is so hard to get right. I definitely do function better under 2 but I just did a load of tests and my tsh was 3 which the dr says is fine and an increase to 175 from 150 will be too much and take my tsh too down so I'm not sure what to do! On the upside, other than my weight (18st at 5ft 8) all my other tests were very good and healthy including iron. Adoption or fostering is a wonderful suggestion to consider but right now my instinct is I have another child in me, no matter how bonkers that sounds. I have been trying the healthy route for 3 weeks, going to the gym and dieting but get so deflated by how rubbish my metabolism is only losing 2lb in 3weeks, it's like an uphill struggle against my thyroid. I have discussed it with my husband and he doesn't want me to suffer but is definitely ready and happy to have another child now. Maybe I should keep going with diet and at least do counselling first, they may help me. All well and good but at the back of my mind I feel my body clock ticking and worry I'm wasting time!! I wouldn't go above 18stone in pg because through hyperemesis I have lost 2 to 3 stone in first 4 months in both pg's.

Bebraveagain Mon 27-Mar-17 07:04:18

If your medication was right, your metabolism would improve so you'd lose weight.
Im not ttc, but my endocrinologist advises that once treated, you should aim for a TSH of 1. I'm nearly there now but had to add T3 medication to my levo due to low FT4 and under range FT3. There was a recent thread on thyroid in pregnancy which includes a link to the NICE guidelines. GPs often woefully undermedicate patients but the aim should be to resolve the symptons!

Pops78 Mon 27-Mar-17 07:17:51

Bebrave, thx so much that is really helpful. I will ask the dr if I can alternate 150/175 daily that might take it down enough.

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