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I think ttc is making me in to a bad person!!

(15 Posts)
SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 13:34:57

Whilst referring to another couple who are facing infertility my best friend said "aww" sympathetically. That's it. That's all she said but it made me irationnally angry!! "Aww?!" Really?! angry
Does anyone else find ttc does strange things to your personality?! I'm sure I used to be much more rational, chilled person!

SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 13:36:13

So angry in fact I can't even spell irrationally! blush

HazyDays81 Thu 23-Feb-17 14:56:20

I would be angry to hear a friend say that too. You're not being irrational. You have been trying a long time & are more sensitive to the situation. Does she know you are TTC? Try not to take it personally I'm sure if she were TTC & it had been a while she would realise how much this can take over your life. Have you had any tests?

SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 16:40:52

Oh she's well aware! Seeing a fertility specialist soon (hopefully) as my GP has referred us! I think I just found the "aww" semi-patronising (even though it wasn't about me!) blush

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy Thu 23-Feb-17 16:47:25

I think you are being a teeny bit U. If you haven't experienced ttc struggles / infertility, you have no concept of how huge the impact can be.

I have PCOS and am struggling to conceive. Been trying for years. I am heartbroken about it, it has changed me as a person (and not for the better). I am slightly bitter about people who 'get lucky' and frustrated by people who blithely talk about 'just relax and it'll happen' etc. I have to keep my cutting remarks in because I know it's unfair.

BUT, after confiding in one or two friends, I have realised that people don't really understand it, they are just grateful it's not them, know they should say something so opt for something vague and meaningless to fill the silence.

How is your ttc going OP? flowers

SocksWithSandals Thu 23-Feb-17 16:48:23

I have been through years of fertility issues and am now blessed with two DC, however ttc made me murderous. YANBU OP. Saying 'aaww' to infertility just shows how some people take their own fertility for granted and have no scope for how it is devastating when faced with ttc issues. I never found any of my friends particularly understanding as they had no clue what it feels like to be in that position, instead I joined a ttc and infertility website (fertility friends) and made some wonderful lifelong friends on there who knew exactly how I felt!

Good luck with ttc OP flowersflowers

HazyDays81 Thu 23-Feb-17 17:47:22

Wow if she knew you are ttc then she should definitely be more sympathetic! Like others have said if it's not something she is going through then she doesn't realise how difficult it can be x

SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 21:28:07

I think you're right, that's probably what's upset me more than anything, the realisation that my best friend just doesn't get it sad. I'm glad she doesn't know the pain of infertility/prolonged ttc because I wouldn't wish this on anyone but comments like that and those that have the words "as a mum", "when you have kids" (referring to herself) are grating more and more!

SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 21:33:41

IsIt I'm sorry to hear you are struggling as well, I really hope it works out for you. Are you having treatment? In answer to your question I'm finding ttc to be very 'trying', it seems to have consumed every aspect of my life.

Socks it's lovely to hear that you've now got your DC! Thank you for your advice about the website.

Hazy thank you!

JustHereForThePooStories Thu 23-Feb-17 21:41:41

I don't really see what your friend did wrong. I'm infertile and I don't think I'd say more than a passing "aww, that's a shame" if I was told second hand of another couple's problems, especially if I didn't know them.

Was it the tone of how she said it?

SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 21:57:40

Just it may have been the tone or it might just be that I'm not quite the rational, patient person I just to be! confused I'm happy to accept I'm being unreasonable, I just wanted to ask if others feel ttc has changed their personality (or aspects of it) in any way.

SharyBobbins Thu 23-Feb-17 22:03:29

*used to be

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy Fri 24-Feb-17 14:40:37

Ttc consumed / consumes me too. I don't think you can help it, your body is simultaneously telling you you're ready for a baby and stopping it happen at the same time. If you're like me, your life is being lived through a lense of 'I should appreciate this as when I have kids I won't be able to / this would be amazing if I was a mum / I want it to happen now / I can't agree to that as I might be pregnant' and it takes over everything.

With your friend, I was sticking up for her until you mentioned her saying 'when you're a mum' 😡That makes me murderous. How very insensitive. I would make no bones about telling her that's bloody unfair and to pack it in!

With my ttc journey, it's on hold while I get other health issues dealt with. We had hormone treatment and next step is IVF but I'm not physically ready yet.
You?

SharyBobbins Fri 24-Feb-17 19:30:43

IsIt that's exactly how I feel! Like I'm putting my life on hold in the hope of concieving. What you said about my body telling me its ready for a baby but stopping me from having one at the same time- that makes so much sense. Feel like I spend my days conflicted! I'm waiting to be seen at an infertility clinic so hopefully that will give me some answers. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey x

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy Sun 26-Feb-17 13:20:19

Thank you OP.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

I'm not sure if you've seen any specialists yet but I would advise to write down every question you can think of and take the list with you to your appointment - then depending on how you are there, maybe give that to your DP and make it their job to get the answers. I didn't do this with my first appointment and I got in a muddle trying to remember what they said that I've done it every time since 💐

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