I feel like the worst friend

[catlover1987]

I've just been out with my school friends and my best friend announced she is pregnant with her second. I knew she was TTC so it wasn't a shock. I tried so hard to appear to be happy for her but I just couldn't bring myself to say congratulations. I just felt so jealous and now feel like such a terrible friend. It probably felt more raw today because I have my period so was feeling a bit sad and hormonal anyway. What can I do to show that I genuinely am happy for her? Maybe send her a card or gift in the post. I don't think I can talk to her on the phone without feeling upset. For context I miscarried last Sep and have been TTC ever since with no success.

[emily86]

Oh it is so tricky. I had my third miscarriage at the beginning of December and my best friend found out she was pregnant at the beginning of January, her first month of trying. She came with me to an early scan at 6 weeks because my DH was away and was so excited about it afterwards that started trying.

Does your friend know about your MC? If so then hopefully she will be able to understand. Could you text her to explain? I often find that the easiest way to get my feelings across. I've tried to explain to my friend that it is not that I'm not happy for her (I genuinely am) but that I am very sad for myself and sometimes that sadness overwhelms everything. Based on my experience with another friend being pregnant last year, which my now-pregnant best friend supported me through so much, I find it much better to be honest and open and talk about things sooner rather than later. My best friend and I have acknowledged that over the next 6 months there are going to be tough times, and we're likely to say things along the way that will upset the other, but the most important thing to us both is to maintain our close friendship.

I hope that helps. You're not alone in this situation and how you are feeling is totally normal.

[catlover1987]

Thank you so much for your reply Emily and I am so sorry for your losses. I think I will text her and explain but will probably wait a few days until it feels a little less raw. I am genuinely delighted for her but both times she has conceived very quickly and I can't help but think, why her and not me. Xx

[theclick]

I'm sure everyone has felt like this about a friend at some point. You're allowed to feel sad. Just be there for her how you can. Maybe take a day by yourself then pluck up the courage to send her congratulatory flowers or something? Whatever suits your friendship.