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TTC after the age of 40 if you already have DC

(4 Posts)
number5isalive Sat 11-Feb-17 16:34:34

Hello everyone. I posted this in AIBU but it has become a bit of a debate on the pros and cons of large families, which is not what I was after! I am looking for input from ladies who have TTC after the age of 40 who already have kids, as I am finding it hard to decide what to do. Apologies if you have come across the thread in AIBU as well - not trying to spam MN!

Anyway...

I have 4 lovely children, aged 9 down to 2 and a half. Very blessed to have conceived them all easily with no miscarriages in between.

DH and I were unsure about number 5, mainly due to logistics (how to fit them all in the car!!). But we decided to go for it and spent most of last year trying.

Unfortunately, we were quite aware of my age (I turned 40 last year) and kept setting ourselves deadlines - like another 3 months, or must give birth by age 41, or end of year, etc - which I can see now was probably a bit silly as it was too much pressure.

Anyway, we did manage to conceive in November, but then I suffered my first ever miscarriage. It was very early on, thankfully, but heartbreaking nonetheless as you get ahead of yourself and imagine the little one joining the family.

Since then I have been torn. I still have this lingering yearning for number 5, but I am also terrified of something going wrong. I will be 41 in May and I know the odds of something bad happening increase as you age. The logistics side of things bothers me less now and I know my kids will all get enough attention, but I am just so afraid of a later miscarriage or worse. If I had a crystal ball and could see the pregnancy would be trouble-free, I would go for it without hesitation. If only!

So, AIBU to be too afraid to try again and to think it's time to say our family is complete?

Thanks for reading.

Oysterbabe Sat 11-Feb-17 18:26:29

In your shoes I wouldn't have any more, the risk of miscarriage or needing a tfmr would be too much for me when I already had a large family.

WelshMammy123 Sat 11-Feb-17 19:13:47

Hi,

I think that irrespective of the number of DC's I already had, if the desire to have another was strong and I was fully aware of the risks and knew I could cope with them then I would probably go ahead. I know age is a factor but to be honest I'm 37 and I have had one MC, one MMC and one tfmr so whilst age is of course a factor I do believe that you can go through these awful personal tragedies at any age.

Oh and to be honest I don't think of 40/41 being old. I believe that your body will tell you when the time for children has passed X

number5isalive Sat 11-Feb-17 20:37:03

Thanks for your input, ladies. Sorry for your losses, WelshMammy.

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