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IVF or keep trying?

(6 Posts)
BloodSweatToilAndTears Mon 06-Feb-17 13:12:56

Apologies if I've placed this in the wrong topic.

I had a miscarriage last week Friday. DH had an undescended testicle and in April last year we were advised that we wouldn't conceive without IVF as DH's sperm count was dismal and have been trying to get referred since April. Our primary care trust is awful.

We were very surprised to fall pregnant naturally and I have no words to describe the pain of our loss. The IVF forms have finally arrived great timing. We tried for 11 months but actually only 9 cycles as there were months when I just couldn't. If you were me what would you do? DH is 37 and I am 25 and before the miscarriage my scans and ovulation blood tests all looked fine. I'm not coping very well with this miscarriage and don't know if I can cope with the disappointment every month.

delilahbucket Mon 06-Feb-17 13:34:45

No one can answer this but you. What does your dh think?
We have been trying for almost two years with not a hint of a bfp. We have a less than 1% of natural conception due to dp having antisperm antibodies. We would have to pay for IVF. This in itself was a deciding factor to not proceed yet. IVF is an invasive process and I don't feel mentally ready to go through it. Unfortunately we don't have time on our side as I have a low egg reserve.
At your age I would expect you to have lots of time to think about this and continue trying in the meantime. It only takes one sperm to get pregnant, as you have discovered. To fall pregnant after nine cycles despite being told you wouldn't get pregnant gives you hope. I would run with that hope. We have no hope and yet we still go through the disappointment every cycle. Don't ask me how, but you get through it.
Good luck x

WelshMammy123 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:59:56

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how heartbreaking it is. As PP said no one can make the decision for you but I'm happy to share my experience if that helps. DH and I tried for over 3 years to have our DD with a MC along the way, 3 IUI's and an ivf cycle before finally conceiving our DD naturally. We had unexplained infertility.

Since having her I have fallen pregnant twice quite easily and quickly but both have sadly ended in a loss.

I do think it's really positive that you've fallen pregnant naturally and I know it doesn't seem it but it happened relatively quickly.

If I was you what I would probably do is start to kick off the ivf process. If you're going through nhs then it does take quite a long time from when you first get referred to actually going through your first cycle. You could continue to try naturally and then when it was time for you to be treated you could decide finally then whether it's what you want to do or not. I only say this as I feel we wasted time when we went through it all - as an example we saw our gp within a year and it was a further 2 years before we had ivf so it's not a super quick process.

Again I'm sorry for your loss xx

BloodSweatToilAndTears Mon 06-Feb-17 23:22:36

Thank you both for you answering.

delilahbucket I am so sorry that you are you going through this. IVF is so invasive, and I don't think I would cope well with it, I am also undergoing evaluations for Borderline Personality Disorder. Also, I don't want to take a slot for a couple who need it. DH is worried that there might be something wrong with his sperm and is suggesting we use a sperm donor. I hope that this year brings you happier news. Xx

WelshMammy123 Thank you for sharing your experience. Our fertility unit told us that as their criteria is quite restrictive there would be no wait. This was in April. I read about women on Mumsnet who have been trying for eight years and I know that my nine months pales in comparison. The IVF process just seems so necessarily long-winded, it's almost like they are trying to stall.

It's just that having been told that we will struggle to conceive I feel completely hopeless. It looks like our baby died two days after our positive test result so I just feel like someone is playing a cruel trick on me. Xx

pteradactyl Tue 07-Feb-17 08:56:06

So sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that nobody can answer but you, I too think the fact you had one natural bfp is very encouraging. What were your DP's numbers like, if you don't mind me asking (purely curious as OH has very low count too, feel free not to answer!)
Ivf is a tough procedure (i imagine. Never done it yet) and you are still young. On the other hand, you could do it while still young as the success rates are higher depending on your age. It is a tough choice. I think mc can happen to anyone though so dont think it was nevessarily due to 'bad sperm'. Good luck with whatever you decide

BloodSweatToilAndTears Tue 07-Feb-17 23:40:05

pteradactyl Not at all, I just had to check with DH as of course we've had nothing in writing from the doctor. He says it was an average of 12 million and the morphology was 0%. He had another test after this and it was worse. The fertility nurse described our chances of getting pregnant as trying to throw peas from the top of a skyscraper into a bowl below. Yes, that's what worries me. I'm fairly young now so the success rates are better but I really don't want to have IVF if it can be avoided.

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