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Age 38, TTC after missed miscarriage- over 6 months later it's not happening, how do you keep the hope going?

(8 Posts)
TurquoiseDress Wed 01-Feb-17 08:07:19

Just what my title says really- am starting to get on a complete downer now. Had a MMC at 13 weeks last summer and it's been over 6 months TTC since then.

I know this is "normal" in terms of timescales but I feel as if I have been playing "catch up" to try and become pregnant again quickly following the MMC, but I can feel the months are slipping away and having another baby feels further from reach.

Over the last couple of days, I've seen photos of a few friends who are now into their 3rd trimester and expecting in the next few months.
This really hit home how much time has gone by.

I can't help but think and calculate- if I had become pregnant at the end of the summer, that would be me right now. It's hit me hard by seeing them blooming, lovely & pregnant....this is just in photos they have sent/put on FB (I don't see them often as they live abroad).

Of course I am happy for them, but cannot help but feel sorry for myself.

When I had the MMC last summer, we were devastated but a part of me was positive as I'd fallen pregnant straight away 2 times previously and I hoped that this would be the case again.

It helped keep me going at the worst time and it actually felt exciting to get a negative PT as it meant it was all over and we could start TTC.

The end of 2016 was tough as my due date had passed and I had reassured myself that I'd likely be pregnant again by the time Dec 2016 rolled around, sadly not to be.

Sorry this thread is all about me, me, me...I cannot help slipping into a negative way of thinking, seeing pregnant women all around is not helping either, even though I realise that it has no impact on MY baby.
I also realise how lucky I am to already have a child, aged 2 nearly 3.

Any tips from others on how to cope with things? especially anyone aged 35 or over. My age adds another dimension of concern to the whole situation.
Thank you

Hippychic79 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:45:59

Hey I'm 38 and tTC #1... you are lucky to have a dc already. Join the destination conception route PMA thread that I set up if you want some positivity smile)
Sorry to hear about your mcc - I haven't experienced this but I guess it's a no words situation.

GreedyDuck Wed 01-Feb-17 09:11:10

I understand Turquoise. I would say that at 38, not to panic, but that's because I'm in the same situation but coming up to 43.

I had a mmc in 2013 and it took six months to conceive again. I remember how utterly depressing that time was and how I became convinced I would never be a mother. Fortunately I had my DD at the end of 2014.

Fast forward to last October, I'd had what looked like a chemical pg, and then the following month I got a proper strong bfp (we were utterly shocked, first month we'd tracked ovulation for a while and really made an effort to conceive). Sadly that also ended in a mmc just before Christmas.

So now I'm almost 43 and praying for a bit of a miracle because I would dearly love my daughter to have a sibling. Currently very low and trying not to pin all my hopes on it and just get on with living and planning nice things instead of getting too obsessed with ttc. I also don't want my sadness at not giving her a sibling to overshadow her early years. I want to enjoy her.

daisydalrymple Thu 02-Feb-17 21:24:43

I had an mmc at 41, which was a total shock having had two previously healthy pregnancies. I then went on to have a normal uneventful pregnancy at 43. (Dc3 is now 2 and an absolute monkey. ) very best wishes.

TurquoiseDress Thu 02-Feb-17 23:46:46

Thank you I'll check out that thread.
Good luck to you, I hope you get a bfp very soon!

Yes I feel v lucky to have my LO already...I thanks my lucky stars smile

I think after the MMC there's lots of emotions- angry at what could and should have been sad

TurquoiseDress Thu 02-Feb-17 23:49:53

Thank you daisy

Yes it is a complete shock isn't it when you've previously had completely healthy/normal pregnancies.

It just wasn't on my radar at all- it makes me angry as I felt so naive & cheated by my own body "concealing" the miscarriage for so many weeks.

Glad to hear DC3 arrived in the end & all is well

TurquoiseDress Thu 02-Feb-17 23:57:20

Thank you for your kind words- so sorry to hear about your recent MMC that must have been devastating.

And also in 2013. Yes I think you sum up my feelings of being very down TTC after a MMC, I just worry now as it's been over 6 months- I just want another baby on the way & it just feels so unfair that we had to start all over again last summer.

But I completely acknowledge that others go through far worse and I am lucky to have a healthy DC already.

All the best of luck to you, I hope we both get what we want very soon.

QueSera Fri 03-Feb-17 00:06:46

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's devastating flowers Here, started ttc age 38, two early miscarriages. Things that really helped us: ovulation sticks (the kind with the smiley faces - turned out I had a really unusual cylce!!); the 'sperm meets egg' plan - google it - brilliant; Soft-Cups (keeps the sperm in longer - ONLY use Soft-Cups, not mooncups or any other type, I made that mistake at first and it was a nightmare). Wishing you the best of luck

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