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Surrogacy-how does it work and how do you get into it?(9 Posts)
Just wondering as Im very happy with my gorgeous two boys but before ds1 was born we had 4 mc, I felt the pain and heartbreak of not having a child at that point and would love to be able to give someone else the gift of life. How do you get into it? Ive googled it but its not very informative?
this is the site i hear about most in the newspapers,etc.
think you apply for some sort of membership or an info pack?
Busybean.....surrogacy.......what a very very special gift!... I have had 3 miscariages in the last year, I am 43 and my consultant says there is no hope as 'my eggs are too old'......one of my friends said that she would love to give me what I have dreamed of... but another good friend says she can not do this.....as she has 1 lovely boy and 1 on the way...and what is hers is hers and she could not think of helping me out.
I really respect her opinion... but it has made me think about our relationship.....now I feel guilty for thinking what I am thinking!
Just wanted to say... what a very very special person you are!
HI, I looked nto it and got into contact with cots...lovely bunch and lots of support...in the end I decided to have another Baby for ourself, and then the pg wasn't quite so pleasant and the BIrth was a bit tits up and I lost my spirit...but cots is really throughin their questionaire etc...really asks you questions you may not have thought about and how things would effect you.
With me the big thing was, that even though I am so happy with my boys, I would not have known how I would have felt a girl Baby and giving it up...shallow I know, but I believe you got to be sure about these things, otherwise things will become messy!
Best of luck though, whatever you decide!
What a really lovely thing to think about doing Busybean. I think it's amazing.
I think that anyone who can be a surrogate is a very selfless person. If you are serious about doing this then you need to do lots of research, and need to think it through very hard because it is not something that you can go into lightly. Things you need to think about are:
having to go through pregnancy, and all that that entails, including possible complications, giving birth to a baby and then having to hand it over to its new parents.
another couple essentially becoming a part of your life, coming with you to scans,anti natal appointments, and even the birth.
the possibility of the relationship with your baby's new parents breaking down either during or after the pregnancy, and you still having to hand your baby over to them despite your potential feelings towards them.
being judged by people who findo ut what you are doing, eg friends/family/members of the medical profession. Not everyone considers surrogacy to be a wonderful, selfless and noble thing, and you will be judged by those who simply will not be able to understand how you can carry a baby and then give it away.
how your partner and other children will feel about things. Some men find it very hard to deal with the thought of their wife essentially carrying another man's child. Also how will you tell your children that you are having another baby but that it won't be their sibling. if you have artificial insemination, so essentially the baby will biologically be yours, are you prepared to tell your children that they have a biological sibling but that you have given him/her to someone else? also, how do you feel about a biological child of yours being brought up by someone whose parenting methods are not necessarily the same as yours?
if you become a host surrogate, you will have to have IVF, this is invasive and there are no guarantees, do you have the time/emotional strength to go through these treatments?
Sorry if this paints a very bleak picture, but these are all things that need to be seriously considered IMO. I couldn't be a surrogate, not even for my own sister/best friend.
wnnabe...I htink it's always good to have a realistic viewpoint.
I found that the cots info leaflat they send out, with a huge questionaire that raises awareness of all possible scenarios, was very helpful for me to see if it was somehting I would pursue or not.I mean, there are things one just doesn't really conssider unless being made aware, etc...!
Must admit though, even though we decided against surrogacy, if one of my best friends, who is sadly childless, would approach me about it, for her I would do it...but, that is kind a different.
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