PCOS and need to vent...[sad]... rant warning(3 Posts)
Hello, sorry for the ballistics, but I really need to offload somewhere...
TTC #1, 2.5 years and running, I'm 30, PCOS, (lap&dye in May; definite pcos, tubes clear, Clomid 3 rounds unsuccessful, ovarian drilling in November, just started 2nd AF since, starting new clomid round today). DH (31), stellar test results, no issue there).
I live in UK, my natal family doesn't although I try to keep in touch, especially with my mother. My family is catholic and very clannish. In essence, no matter how bad something you do or have is, as long as someone in family did it or had it, my mum can understand it. Otherwise, I can try to explain things till I'm blue in the face, but to no avail.
I've had PCOS since I hit puberty, and surprisingly I had a low BMI (19) until my gynae put me on Cilest in 2005, when I gained 60 pounds in a year and almost ruined my liver. It took a hospital admission to convince the doctor to take me off the pills. I struggled with weight ever since. I'm on a permanent low glycaemic diet and the gym staff know me so well I got a wedding card of them. My BMI is still hovering around 30. Low point came in Nov 15 when after a month on 1200 cal and 1000 cal exercise per day I lost precisely half a pound. I was miserable.
Yesterday I spoke to my mum, who is very annoyed at me that she's the only one among her friends not to be a grandmother yet. Keeps reminding me she's had me by 24, had 5 kids and that my great gran had 13, etc etc. So she spoke to her cousin, a biologist, who works for a clinic in my Croatia (their IVF results are abysmal), who informed her that all I have to do is lose weight and all will be ok.
SERIOUSLY???? LOSE WEIGHT??? I HAVE BEEN PUSHING MYSELF TO THE BRINK TRYING TO DO THIS FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS, YOU STUPID COW!!! It took me months to find a doctor who does understand that weight problem is a consequence, not cause of PCOS, countless tests, two painful procedures and endless bfns, trying everything under the sun and now she convinced my mother I'm simply too fat and thats all the problem there is.
No matter how many charts, science articles and other data I showed my mum, now she's convinced my cousin is right, all I get now, instead of mental support I really need, are magazine articles about diets I know from experience don't work, exercise patterns that are nothing compared to my usual routine and ENDLESS nagging.
I'm not sure if it's just AF blues or a bit of exasperation at what will probably be another bfn cycle and the growing shadow of the IVF, but I suppose my mom's behaviour was the last straw... I'm feeling utterly blue and hopeless today...
I'm so sorry. This is awful, and not the kind of support you need going through something like this. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to push yourself so hard and see such little results, and then to have your struggles minimized like that.
Vent away, you are entitled! Sending positive vibes.
My MIL told me how embarrassing I was at not producing in front of a whole room of people and couldn't understand why I was upset! and my own DM is forever on my back about my weight! So you are not alone.
What has helped me loose weight (after trying everything) was intolerance testing, cut out what I was intolerant to but not really cut down as just swopped items in diet an din 7 weeks (including Christmas in the middle) I have lost 1 stone - so may be worth looking into. As I've a friend who also has PCOS and has found links to intolerances.
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