New job/pregnancy planning - overcoming guilt!

[Snorkmaiden85]

Hello,

This is my first post so apologies if I don't know acronyms etc!

I think I just need some reassurance.... I've just started a new job, I'm really chuffed about it as it's with an organisation I've been wanting to work for for ages, not least because of the excellent maternity pay and working family policies! Basically I've been waiting to be in a position where I can afford to have a baby on my own, and now I am, I'm keen not to wait too much longer.

Only thing is, I know it's not logical, but I feel really guilty about it having only just started in the role. I'd decided to wait a few months tor this reason (even though I'm so impatient!), I'd like to be in the role a god few months before going on maternity leave so I can make a good impression and get properly settled as I definitely want to come back after.

So I kind of had a plan in mind to start 'trying' (not as fun when it's donor conception!) around April/May, which means even if it works first time I'll have been there roughly a year before going on maternity leave. But, I just found out my colleague (the only other person doing the same role) is pregnant!

Logically I know this shouldn't make any difference but now I feel guilty like I should wait even longer so as not to let the team down. Please can someone reassure me that this shouldn't affect my plans? I think I feel guilty for accepting the job knowing I'm planning to get pregnant ASAP even though I KNOW that's silly. I'm pathologically honest, and really dislike all the weird secrecy/deception women have to do around pregnancy to protect their careers!

Has anyone waited to conceive because of work? Or have any experience of the above? My area of work is largely female so I'm sure it happens all the time and I'm just worrying unnecessarily!

Thanks :)

[Redpony1]

Does the company pay their enhanced mat pay from day 1 of employment then? A lot of companies only pay enhanced leave after 1 year or even 2 years. Worth checking if you are not 100% :)

[Roseandbee]

If you over 30 then its not worth the risk of waiting just to be nice. If your early 20s then maybe you could as it may help your career a bit to have worked their longer.
But I suggest you double check all the maternity regulations and make sure your not still on probation or anything like that

[Snorkmaiden85]

Thanks both! I'm 32, so keen not to put it off for long. As well as other reasons why I don't want to wait, to do with my wider family circumstances.

The company do indeed offer occupational maternity leave to new starters! As long as you've been there for 26 weeks in the 15th week before you're due, same as SMP. It does seem very generous! I think their family working policies are something they pride themselves on.

[MrsG30]

Hi Snork,

I'm pretty new here too! I'm also in a new dream job (been there since June) and we were going to wait but decided to start anyway. You never know how long it could take.

Do what is right for you is all I can say! It infuriates me that we women still have to skirt around starting a family, men don't!

[Snorkmaiden85]

Thanks MrsG! I know, it does seem much easier for men in that respect! I'm trying to remind myself that they're called maternity rights for a reason, and that there's no reason to feel guilty...

You're very right that you never know how long it will take.

Hope it all goes well for you!

[m33r]

I felt like this when I started TTCon my second month in job. It took me 20 months to conceive my son and 9 months to bake him so by the time I actually had him I was well established. Would have been devastated if we had waited!

Also, if they have family friendly policies, maybe they really are family friendly!! Good luck whatever you decide xx

[Poppet8583]

Hi Snork! Just browsing through (I'm fairly new to this too) and your post caught my eye as I was in a similar position. I've been at my company since September and my DH and I started TTC in November (I'm not pregnant yet just FYI).

At the time I thought the same as you - I was worried about trying so soon as I haven't been in my job long (and I work in HR!) but I came to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter. As long as you've been there long enough to qualify for maternity pay (if that's a priority for you of course) then I honestly wouldn't worry. Your job will still be there when you're ready to return to work and if starting a family is the most important thing to you, then that's what you should do.

When you tell them you're pregnant, I can assure you they'll be 100% supportive so my advice would be to work out your dates to qualify for pay, then go for it.

Hope this helps!

[KoolKoala07]

I'm in a slightly different position to you, as I'm self employed. I work one to one with clients on an appointment basis. Many whom I've known for 7/8 years. I've recently got married and I'm 29 so most people would guess children are on the cards. I'm terrified of 2 things. 1- losing customers when on maternity leave (I only plan to take 3 months, so I have a business to return to) and 2- their reactions, people are incredibly selfish and I know a few will begrudge me the time off to start a family. Anyway, me and Dh are ttc because I ask myself why I should put my life on hold for others. I say go for it. As a pp mentioned it could take sometime to actually conceive and that will enable you to become more established in your role.

[cheminotte]

I've done this twice and both times I waited 6 months before ttc. This was done out of guilt the first time but it was lucky I did as enhanced maternity pay was based on 1 year by the 15 weeks before due date. So I had been there over 9 months by the time I told my boss. I also only took 6 months maternity leave.
I was also concerned about getting through my probationary period before getting pregnant.