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TTC and hearing pregnancy news

(14 Posts)
Snotbags Sun 08-Jan-17 10:33:24

Nc'd for this.

I found out through instagram this morning an old friend has had another baby, I've not seen her in 3 years but we were really close we had our dc around the same time.

My ds is now 4 and we've been trying again for a few years, in that time I've had 5 miscarriages. I don't know why but this has absolutely floored me finding out she's had another child. I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong but also insanely jealous that it should be me.

Another neighbour who had their dd at same time as my ds has now also announced she's pg again and due in February, I've been in tears all morning. How do you hear other people's good news and not want to run away. I want to get a long bath so I can have a good cry but waiting for dp to get up.

TryingForNo1 Sun 08-Jan-17 12:45:16

So sorry to hear about all the MCs. Can't imagine how difficult that is! We've had no babies in our family for 6 years. Been trying since we got married 3 months ago and nothing. However I get asked every time I see the family and in that short time we've had 3 family announcements! Happy for them but 2 were accidental and 1 was first month trying. I cried myself to sleep the other night after finding out.

thatsnotmybear Sun 08-Jan-17 13:57:06

I'm so sorry for your losses op. I also have a DC age 4 and had 3 miscarriages last year. I've recently deactivated my Facebook account because I find it hard seeing pg and baby announcements. Of course people have every right to post about these events, but I've decided to be kind to myself by coming off social media so I don't have to see them, as it's a huge trigger for my own unwelcome feelings of loss, anger and sadness. Don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling - it's understandable and you're not alone x

emily86 Sun 08-Jan-17 16:43:00

I do want to run away! I've had 3 MCs now, no DC, TTC just over 2 years. On Tuesday I found out my best friend is pregnant 1 month after my last MC. It was her first month of trying. She was the one who supported me through another close friend's pregnancy. I feel absolutely gutted. I know a part of me somewhere is happy for her but a huge part of me is envious and so so sad for myself and DH.

I think we just have to allow ourselves to cry within a safe space. A lot of necessary. And then to be honest I just try and slap on a brave face, and don't always do that good a job.

Snotbags Sun 08-Jan-17 16:47:56

Thanks for the replies, I've had a crap day of trying to keep busy whilst in between tears and dp constantly asking what's up.

How do you explain the girl you haven't seen in 3 years had a baby last year and it's making me completely jealous that it's not me.

TurquoiseDress Sun 08-Jan-17 17:50:45

Hi OP I sympathise totally.

We've been trying for 6 months since MMC last summer.

Our LO will be 3 soon...the ones that get me are the friends/acquaintances who had their first around the same time as me.

It really got me seeing their FB pregnancy announcements, especially last summer when I was going through the endless bleeding with miscarriage and seeing others post their 12 week scan photo sad

In the end, I unfollowed/hid their posts rather than delete them.
Luckily don't have to see them in real life.

It is so hard. yes trying to explain to my husband why some random old friend's pregnancy on FB has got me in a state!

I honestly now just feel jealous and angry when I see the pregnancy announcements on FB- but I tend to keep the feelings contained within these forums and don't really share my thoughts with the husband, I feel ashamed as jealously is such an awful emotion to feel.

randomacts Wed 11-Jan-17 02:57:21

Can I jump on this post? I'm TTC for our first. We've been married almost 2 years and trying for 8 months and nothing. I've got anxiety and depression that are usually ok. My brother has been married 6 months and his wife got pregnant as soon as they went on honeymoon. I was so jealous and emotional. My sister has a 3 year old and when we all get together all my sister and brother talk about is babies and kids. I can't contribute to the conversation as I haven't been there. But I just grin and bear it and when I get home I break down. I am happy for those who are successful and I hate feeling jealous as it makes me out to be selfish. But I can't help just be sad for me and the husband. I think the husband is also upset but he won't say anything. I know he's feeling it too. Just very hard to be happy for those who are successful

RuskBaby Wed 11-Jan-17 03:39:23

Sorry for your losses OP. As someone that has been there previously the only thing that worked for me was crying and letting it all out. Yes I was chuffed to pieces for those having their babies but each pregnancy and birth announcement was so hard to take. Don't be hard on yourself and also let your DP know your feelings, I had to let DH know so that he could be there with hugs in bed each night I had seen or heard pregnancy/baby news.

BonsGirl Wed 11-Jan-17 04:08:02

Can't offer much advice but can hand hold... sorry to hear about your miscarriages flowers

I've been trying ttc since June and 2 of my very close friends are pregnant right now (17 & 19 weeks) very jealous but happy for them smile

bummymummy77 Wed 11-Jan-17 11:36:39

No advice but in the same situation.

I'm off for a Mum's group today where one has just had a boy who was born on my last miscarriage's due date and the other three are all in differing stages of pregnancy.

Going to be a tough morning and I expect to have a little cry in the toilets.

flowers

Itsjustaphase84 Wed 11-Jan-17 22:09:18

I have an fb friend complaining of their morning sickness all over fb and actually apologising that she's moaning through her pregnancy experience . I really have to hold myself back on commenting. I don't need that when TTC.

BOHOGIRL81 Wed 11-Jan-17 22:30:10

Hi,

This is my first post here... feeling a little scared to be honest.

Sorry to hear about some of your sad experiences.

Ive been TTC for around 10 months with not a glimmer of hope. My partner and I haven't told anyone and have been quite relaxed about it but other peoples comments are really starting to get to me. I don't want to tell anyway because I don't want the added pressure of people constantly saying 'any luck yet?' if you know what I mean?

Anyway...

My sister in particular, who is pg with her 3rd and is super fertile (always pregnant with 3 months of trying) keeps saying that her child wants a cousin and I better get a move on etc. Ive also had comments from friends (who all have children) that I'm 'getting on a bit' and should think about it soon. My partners mum also keeps saying how we better hurry up because she's the last of her friends to become a granny.

I know they wouldn't mean to upset me but do people really not think before they speak?

Anyone else feel my frustration?

Buddahbelly Wed 11-Jan-17 22:41:18

Yes bohogirl I've even had a neighbour tell me I need to have another 1 soon when ds started school. You get torn between telling them to stop the hurtful comments and wanting to keep it to yourself.

Although having seen a friend tell people they were trying that's all she gets asked about now, glad we've kept it quiet though, but I do have mil on for another baby!

Have you been the dr about it, I think if you're over a certain age you only have to have been trying for 6 months (and purely going by the 81 in your name, your a yr younger than me 😊).

itsjustaphase sorry, I had to stay off facebook when there's pregnancy news on it, I may have killed otherwise!

BOHOGIRL81 Wed 11-Jan-17 22:55:51

Thanks Buddahbelly. I know others must get it all the time too.

No I haven't been to the doctors as I assumed they might say I need to start tracking and testing ovulation more regularly. The thing is my periods are so irregular (between 27-41 days) and my partner works night shifts a lot so we don't have much control over when we can try. I may make an appointment though.

I'm not on Facebook any more either. A girl at my work just announced she's pg, loudly saying what a shock and mistake it was. Not cool.

AF is actually due soon and I've got cramps. Roll on next month!

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