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Any pregnancies after stillbirth?

(34 Posts)
Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 10:41:25

i think i have just got my bfp following an mmc and stillbirth. No live children.

I'm in a right state. We were ttc and it's been almost 18month since the stillbirth and 2 years since mmc so i thought i'd be ok but i don't feel it.

To make things worse ive really let my hair down this Christmas. a bottle of wine every night for about the last 7. i know it probably wont do anythng but due to my other losses i'm just so paranoid.

i also had a full head of bleach the other day sad

already i'm wondering how the f i will cope with more heartbreak.

going to get some asda tests now as used ic and although i could see a line it was very feint and slightly grey so i might be getting well ahead of myself anyway.

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 10:42:41

sorry for lack of paragraphs and the random wine. i'm on the app and it doesnt seem to recogise my paragraphs for some reason.

physicskate Sat 31-Dec-16 10:51:33

Remember the placenta does not even start to develop until a week or so after implantation, so there is NO connection between zygote and mother until at least the missed period. So really, get your fill of soft cheese now!

Heartache is harder to deal with. I'm sorry for what you've been through, but the past is not the future...

Swearwolf Sat 31-Dec-16 11:08:28

CONGRATULATIONS!! I'm so pleased to see you here, I remember you from a previous thread and was heartbroken for you. You're naturally going to be nervous, I don't think there is a solution to that. As kate says, the placenta doesn't form for a while so you won't have done any damage.

I haven't had a stillbirth just a mmc at 13 weeks, but have since carried a pregnancy to term and I found that with every milestone I felt a bit better - seeing a heartbeat on an early scan at 8 weeks, getting through the 20 week scan, viability at 24 weeks - but still didn't fully believe it until she was here I don't think.

In the short term, would an early scan help?

Alb1 Sat 31-Dec-16 11:26:24

I think I've seen you on a couple of other threads, congratulations on your bfp!

I had a mmc, then a live baby (he's 2 now) and then DD was stillborn at 35 weeks earlier this year, I'm now 15 weeks pregnant again. In the first few weeks of finding out I was so stressed, lines on tests weren't getting darker (especially on ICs) and I had loads of cramps, was so convinced it was ending already but luckily everything has been fine so far. It's harder this time as I don't feel there is a 'safe' point in this pregnancy, but I'm considered high risk this time so there's extra support there from the NHS, I've had 4 scans already as well to try and reassure myself. I don't have any useful advice, just keeping my fingers crossed for you, and try not to obsess about lines on tests if you can, easier said than done though I no!

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 11:29:27

Thank you both. That has made me feel so much better already. I cant bloody stop crying.

We have a fab night planned tonight too and now i have to think of a way to navigate through it unnoticed ha!

My op was supposed to ask when you told people? Dp and i are just debating whether to tell people straight away or not. We have a dog and should i have to go to hospital for any reason would need a dog sitter so it seems pointless keeping it hidden plus we could probably both do with the support.

Thank you so much. I only came off pill end of october so im shocked tbh!

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 11:31:54

alb1 were you advised to take baby aspirin for subsequent pregnancies? I was via the consultant after stillbirth and she said from 12wks but i thought standard was from bfp and i didnt completely trust her tbh. Ive bought some today.

Im so very sorry for anyone who has experienced loss flowers

Alb1 Sat 31-Dec-16 11:43:15

I wasn't advised to, they've never mentioned it round here, I never thought to ask either really. I've told my best friend, and another friend who's also pregnant now, I just told her because she was avoiding me trying not to upset me with her pregnancy news, but I'm really happy for her and wanted to chat so I told her. We havnt told our families or anyone at work though, I'm not sure why, they'd find out anyway if anything went wrong as they'd need to help look after DS but we just can't face telling people. I say do whatever feels right to you, telling them would be great if they can support you, my in laws are huge worriers which I think is what puts me off, they will verbalise all my fears that I'm trying to keep quiet and I'm just not ready to try and calm them down yet. I told my best friend the day I found out tho as I new she'd be helpful

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 11:52:46

As soon as i posted that i remembered it was because i had had the mmc too. I think they just advised it as a precaution.

I must admit i dont want any fuss and i know it will be the longest pregnancy ever if all goes well.

Oh god i dont know.

Alb1 Sat 31-Dec-16 13:01:20

Maybe just give yourself a few days or weeks to get used to being pregnant again and let it sink in first, don't worry about making decisions. Have you seen the pregnancy after MC thread in the pregnancy topic? I don't get time to post on there much at the moment but there's lots of ladies who no what the early days stress is like, maybe go and have a read through or say hello on there if you feel it may help flowers

angelopal Sat 31-Dec-16 13:14:15

Not a still birth but had a neonatal loss. That was 4 years ago and now have a 2 year old. It was a hard pregnancy due to worry. Have you ever used the SANDS forums. There is a group for next pregnacies. It really kept me sane throughout. Hope all goes well for you.

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 13:40:18

Thank you.

I go to a sands support group and am due there tuesday actually so that will probably be helpful thank you.

Thanks alb i'll have a look at the group now.

I really dont know how we're going to get through the pub tonite.

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 13:40:42

Also angel im very sorry for you loss.

RandomMess Sat 31-Dec-16 13:48:36

flowers all of my friends who had a stillbirth (more than a handful sadly) have gone on to have live DC despite some of them have MMC along the way. Be kind to yourselves, tell the people who you believe will be most supportive.

Wishing you the very best for 2017, may it be your year x

Alb1 Sat 31-Dec-16 13:56:00

ginger my local sands group have been a life saver since finding out, they recommended the best consultant to me (mine was lovely but this one is more experienced with pregnancy after loss) and put me back in contact with the bereavement midwife who I'd stopped talking to and she arranged my booking in appointment for me as I couldn't face sorting all that stuff out. So it's great that you have that support in real life

Swearwolf Sat 31-Dec-16 14:00:31

Do you have to go out tonight, could you just tell friends you're not well and stay home with a nice hot chocolate?

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 14:13:58

It's family and we have already spoken to a fair few who know i am fine plus someone is travelling especially for the occasion so id rather not.

Thank you so much. I hope so too.

So sorry for your friends thats terribly sad.

Blueroses99 Sat 31-Dec-16 15:05:02

Hi Ginger I'm so pleased to hear your news. I am pregnant 8+5 after a stillbirth in July (both IVF pregnancies) and although I was in a happy bubble to begin with, I am really anxious now. The reason for my loss (incompetent cervix) could occur again without intervention and I'm waiting for the second trimester to find out what my ongoing care will look like. (It would be great to have a pregnancy buddy if you would like...?)

I have told a few people but been mostly disappointed that no one is getting excited for this one, everyone is being far too cautious. So we've decided not to tell anymore people for a while.

Tonight, can you stick to non-alcoholic alternatives such as N&T (nothing & tonic) or virgin mojito? If your DP keeps you topped up, you won't have to explain what you're drinking? (If that's what you are worried about, I may have misunderstood!)

Snoopysimaginaryfriend Sat 31-Dec-16 17:10:39

Hi gingerbreadmam, don't know if you remember me. We were on the ttc after miscarriage thread a long time ago. Anyway I just wanted to say Congratulations and I'll be thinking of you x

KittyandTeal Sat 31-Dec-16 17:14:55

Gingerbread I just wanted to say massive congratulations!

I don't have any advice for you but I'm wishing you a very boring and uneventful pregnancy 💐

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 17:16:41

Thanks snoopy and blueroses

I remember you snoopy hope you are well!

blueroses a pregnancy buddy will be awesome. Im sorry for your loss. I spose its good they know what to look for?

I just dont feel excited at all. Have period type aches too so thats right in the forefront of my mind. I am just going to keep telling myself if you dont try you wont get a baby.

I think we have settled on me drinking a drop of prosecco with lemonade in the house then i will order nothing and coke in the pub and hope no1 notices. Either that or jus tell everyone which i dont spose is end of world as immediate family.

Told my parents this afternoon. They are over the moon. My dm is so old school she said ahh just drink we didnt used to even find out we were pregnant until we were 3month gone hahaha!

Snoopysimaginaryfriend Sat 31-Dec-16 20:30:17

I think your fear is absolutely 100% natural. Will you have extra support in place from epu etc? Aw bless your mum, mines exactly the same and they're right.

I ended up having 3 mc's but then I had my dd in May this year after private treatment. I got an unexpected bfp on the 16th December but I wasn't on my treatment and I've had a couple of wipes of brown discharge which has always been bad news for me. Scan on Wednesday to find out what's going on.

Gingerbreadmam Sat 31-Dec-16 21:07:34

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you snoop. It's not always bad news.

With my first i bled at 9wks and that was mmc. With 2nd exactly the same happened but he was fine until later on anyway

Blueroses99 Sun 01-Jan-17 17:17:24

Ginger hope you had a lovely evening.

You would think that they know what to look for, but I've been referred to a pre-term surveillance clinic who are apparently the specialists in preventing pre-term birth but they need to make up their own minds as to how to treat me. When I spoke to them they hadn't seen my notes or anything so they wouldn't go with the recommendations made by my previous consultant. It leaves me in limbo for the next few weeks until I see them. The uncertainty is stressful sad

teaandbics Mon 02-Jan-17 15:48:24

Hello ginger
Congratulations! You were so kind to me after I lost my baby boy in July, so I was delighted to read this and to find out your happy news. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you a nice boring pregnancy! xxxx

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