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struggling with housemate being pregnant

(12 Posts)
onthettcbus Tue 20-Dec-16 10:40:06

Dp and I have been trying ttc with a relaxed approach for a few months now. We tried last year for a while and then gave up as it wasn't happening and it felt like it wasn't the right time after all but we are depserate for a baby now.
My close friend rents a room in my flat and she has no idea we are ttc at the moment, however she has recently found out that she is pregnant and i am struggling to cope.
At first she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep the baby as her relationship is on and off and now she has decided she is going ahead with the pregnancy it has become the main topic of conversation and she keeps telling me about all her aches and pains and i can even hear her being sick in the bathroom in the morning, it is really starting to get me down.
I feel like such a crap friend and i don't feel like I'm being as supportive as i should be and i don't know how to get over my own emotions and support her for the next few months until she moves in with her dp. I have started to avoid her and i feel absolutely awful about it. How do other people cope when close friends are pregnant and you are struggling?

onthettcbus Tue 20-Dec-16 14:22:30


xStefx Tue 20-Dec-16 14:27:40

I had the same recently, had 2 losses this year and my sister tells me she is pregnant. I spent ages being jealous to find she has now lost it and now I feel even worse.

When you finally catch guaranteed there will be someone feeling the same way as you do.

Try to think of the blessings, when you have your baby it will be with a stable mum and dad, your flat mate will be a single mum and I bet would love what you will end up with one day.

your just human, jealousy is a normal thing . don't beat yourself up and be a good friend, pregnancy is hard xxx

Bluntness100 Tue 20-Dec-16 14:31:23

>>your flat mate will be a single mum and I bet would love what you will end up with<<

Well that's a bit mean, especially since the op pointed out she is moving in with her partner.

I think reading on here your feelings are normal, you will fall pregnant, so ty to remain positive and focus on sharing what you can with her as one day it will be you. Possibly even quite soon, 💐

xStefx Tue 20-Dec-16 14:43:03

Bluntness, where does OP say that her friend is moving in with her partner? I cant see that bit. From what I can see flat mate will be a single mum and I was pointing out that was probably not what she intended (flatmate) but is making the best of it, when in reality what OP has with her partner and hopefully will have oneday will be lovely.
You read wrong (easy to do when we are all typing) I wasn't being mean at all. I understand all too well what its like having had two losses this year, im pretty sure OP wont have taken offence at my reply. Not sure why you did :-(

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 20-Dec-16 14:43:44

Good luck ttc, I hope it happens for you soon. If your housemate doesn't know you're ttc, and it's private to you and your dp so you don't have to share it with her, she won't have a clue you're finding her pregnancy difficult. Even if she did, it sounds like she's been having a tough time too and would still need your support.

I've had two losses this year and other people's pregnancies are always a painful reminder of what you desperately want for yourself. That's totally normal. The week I went back to work after a mmc at 12 weeks I spent the afternoon trying to swallow down sobs while a colleague returned from her 20 week scan and spent hours discussing baby names for her little girl. It sucks. But. And this keeps me sane. I want my baby, not her baby! Her having one is still lovely news, she doesn't know what I went through so she's not doing it to hurt me and I don't want to take anything away from an experience I want so much for myself. Her pregnancy doesn't mean I'm less likely to have my own again soon.

Since I got pregnant all I ever seem to see are huge enormous beautiful bumps wherever I go! It must be much harder having it happening in your own home so I feel for you. But hopefully very soon you'll have your own pregnant, your own morning sickness woes you need sympathy for, your own hormonal rollercoaster and your own exciting plans for your family with your DP.

I guess just try and keep in mind that she's not doing anything to upset you on purpose. She's got her own stuff going on and you have yours too. Focus on your relationship and ttc, and try not to avoid her and to take whatever interest in her pregnancy that you can. If you feel able to maybe drop into conversation that you and DP are looking forward to being parents too, keep it vague, she'll realise she can share stuff with sensitivity.

MinesAGin Tue 20-Dec-16 14:45:13

xStefx she says, "...and support her for the next few months until she moves in with her dp."

Bluntness100 Tue 20-Dec-16 14:45:16

>>and support her for the next few months until she moves in with her dp<<

She says it in her op? 🙄

onthettcbus Tue 20-Dec-16 14:56:18

Anne, thanks that is so comforting to read. I haven't discussed us ttc with her as she's not keen on my dp so i think she may try and put me off. I am considering telling her so she may be a bit more sensitive towards out situation, it just seems like everyone around us is getting pregnant at the moment and we are just waiting for our turn. I am happy and excited for her but it just hurts that people get pregnant without even trying when we are desperate for a baby.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 20-Dec-16 16:04:11

What you're feeling is totally normal, promise x

If you feel comfy doing so then definitely tell her you're now ttc. She knows you and DP are together amd settled and will hopefully be supportive. But if her pregnancy wasn't planned (I don't have a clue, so may have been) she might not be able to relate to the crappy feeling of waiting for it to happen while everyone's at it. So maybe say you're ttc and hope it happens soon as there are so many pregnancies around you and it's a reminder of what you want so much. Not that hers is getting to you per se, that could be awkward! But that you're madly broody or something.

Like you say, focus on being happy for her as you hope people will be for you when it happens. Things will get easier when she moves in with her DP so there's an end in sight for the day to day updates. Once she's moved why not plan some fun outings where you can talk about other things than her pregnancy.

I wish you the best of luck for your BFP very soon. It's the most incredible feeling and you'll want your friends around you when it happens to share it all with x

onthettcbus Tue 20-Dec-16 16:13:40

Her baby definitely wasn't planned, she discussed booking a termination appointment with me which i found incredibly difficult although i tried to be fully supportive of which ever decision she chose. There is just no escaping or break from babies even when i go home!
I will take your advice on board and try and open up to her and work through my own issues to be the most supportive friend that i can be. It would be great if we were pregnant together, i can dream!

MouseLove Tue 20-Dec-16 18:19:08

Jealousy is normal. But what you can do is try to get past it. There will be times as a parent that you'll face difficult situations and you might need to make emotional decisions. This will help you built your character which will in turn help you become a better person and parent to your future children. Be a good friend and support when things are too heart wrenching to bare, because you never know when you may need the support in return. Good luck and enjoy your TTC journey. X

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