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The "right" time.

(11 Posts)
adriana0pal13 Fri 18-Nov-16 11:38:57

Everyone says there's never the "right" time to start a family but I would just like some reassurance or advice.
I'm 28, me and DH have been together for 7 years, very happy, and have our own house with a very sensible mortgage. Both full time employment. He's always been broody/ desperate for children but I've always been "Yes but not right now" as honestly, I wasn't ready to 'give up' my selfish life and kids seemed like a hassle (not to sound awful!).
In the past 2 weeks I've taken a COMPLETE u- turn and want to start TTC at the beginning of 2017. Children now seem wonderful and a family sounds lovely.
A few things to note; I've been a bit depressed lately, feeling goalless, unmotivated and unsure what to do with myself. I've not been enjoying work for months (It's the people, not the actual job itsself and I would return to work after maternity leave). Also a few friends/ acquaintances have recently announced their pregnancies.

Basically, have I just changed my mind because I'm stuck in a rut? Or is seeing how happy everybody is made me realise that we shouldn't put off a family any longer? I'm delighted to be so excited for a family but after so many years of being unsure I don't trust my own judgement.

TheGirlWithAPrince Fri 18-Nov-16 11:42:30

im kind of the same, i have never been bothered about having children and suddenly this summer i asked my partner if we could try ... so were going to be TTC from december,

I dont know why you have had a turn around but i wouldnt worry about it, maybe you just feel like you need a purpose in life thats more than just working too live, and maybe a family would be that purpose

BethanyCourt Fri 18-Nov-16 11:59:59

I was completely the same. I hated babies and would awkwardly hold them at arm's length. Then my DP's sister had twins girls and i changed over night. I went into the hospital had a cuddle and that was it. When broodiness hit you, it hit's you hard. I wouldn't be alarmed by the suddenness of it, it just took someone close to me to have a child to make me realise i wanted my own (and still want one).

MrsG280516 Fri 18-Nov-16 12:04:18

Does the idea of never having children upset you? If it does, then there's no reason why you can't try now. Its not like you'll regret it once that baby is in your arms.

If the idea of never having children doesn't bother you, if you'd rather keep living your life the way you are and not having to make sacrifices for kids then maybe its just not the right time yet/ever.

adriana0pal13 Fri 18-Nov-16 12:12:37

Thanks everyone, this makes me feel so much better!

MrsG, yes, the thought of never having children would now devastate me. A few years ago I probably wouldn't be bothered but I suspect this new thinking has been brewing for a while now (we just got married back in August, so maybe my brain is now telling me I'm fully settled in for the long haul - not that there was ever any doubt!)

BethanyCourt Fri 18-Nov-16 15:05:39

adriana0pal13 you sound like you're in a good, steady place both financially and relationship wise. If you're anything like me you will stop feeling lost when you have a child in your life (even if it isn't necessarily our own) . I love being involved in my niece's lives - it feels me with such purpose and has given me much enjoyment

Chrisinthemorning Fri 18-Nov-16 15:07:36

I think it sounds like a good time on paper, so if you are going to want children, go for it. We waited until I was nearly 32 and it took 3 years.

adriana0pal13 Fri 18-Nov-16 23:16:13

Thank you ! I was overthinking. And yes, the various scenarios of how long (if) it happens has also crossed my mind.

MouseLove Sat 19-Nov-16 07:59:21

I think you just realised now is the "right time" for you both, as a married couple. That time can come from lots of different motivations. Bringing a child into the world is a wonderful thing so have fun trying!! I am TTC#1 and this feeling for me has been a constant for the last 10+ years. It's only now that is the right time for us. And yes, I believe there is a right time, there's nothing wrong with being mentally, financially and emotionally ready.

adriana0pal13 Sun 20-Nov-16 16:23:58

Thanks Mouse! That's lovely to hear :-) I've been noticing you in the TTC threads I should probably join one myself soon.

MouseLove Sun 20-Nov-16 18:49:58

Yes you should, come say hi, everyone is lovely. X wink

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