I know the best thing would be to go back on the pill but can't bring myself to do it :-((16 Posts)
as some know we've been ttc for nearly two years without success. Dh was diagnosed with low sperm count in July so I know that realistically I'm unlikely to have a baby naturally.
Although I have resigned myself to never having another child, I do reach this point every month where I wonder a couple of days before af is due whether I just might be pregnant, and rassionalize it by saying "well it only takes one sperm" etc. And every month af arrives, and although I am not distraught because after two years the arrival of af is no longer unexpected, I just don't think I can go on like this any more.
I've reached the point where I feel that we have to either:
take further steps to try and conceive a child, i.e. through assisted conception, but I know with low sperm count this would probably mean IVF and I never really wanted to go down that route. Or
put it behind us once and for all and go back on the pill which would mean I knew I wouldn't be pg every month, i mean I do know I won't be anyway but ykwim.
I have two packs of pills left from when I came off it. i checked the use by date and they don't run out for a while yet, af started this morning so I could go back on the pill tonight and then it would all be over.
But I just can't bring myself to do it. Dh says he feels like we should just wait and hope something happens, but I've been hoping now for two years and I can't hope any more, but equally going back on the pill is like giving up and I don't know if I can actually admit defeat either.
has anyone ever been through this? how do you turn your back on something you want and close the door on it for ever?
Whay are these the only 2 options?
I understand not wanting to do IVF etc, so why not resign yourself to teh fact that getting pg is unlikeley naturally and carry on with life without taking the pill.
If it's meant to be it will
Poor you; having hope dashed each month must be very difficult - but i think you should carry on hoping.
Going back on the pill will feel like giving up all hope.
because when you are focussed on wanting to have a baby it's hard not to wonder if you've got pregnant against all odds after all.
if I could just put it out of my mind and forget about it I would, but not using contraception I know there's always an outside chance that just one sperm might make it to the egg and maybe, just maybe, I could get pg this month, or next month, or the month after.
I think the reason i feel I should go back on the pill is because I feel I need to let it go, not talk or think about it any more. I feel I need to do this as much for my dh as for me, as he feels that he's failed me in being the one with the problem
If you went back on the Pill do you think you might find yourself thinking each month "What if I hadn't?..." If that's the case, staying off the Pill is surely the lesser of the two evils?
Perhaps take those 2 packs, see how you feel then, you can always come off it again?
Wannabe, personally I think you should stay away from the pill. Why put chemical hormones into your body to prevent a conception that you don't want to prevent?
I know that you don't hold out much (if any) hope of conceiving again, and you need to come to terms with that in your own way and if you think the pill will help you do that, then obviously, you need to do what is right for you.
But while there is still a chance of conception, I say just see what happens.
I'm really sorry that you are going through this, it must be so exhausting. But I don't think the pill is the answer
I totally agree with all the other posters. If you go back on the pill you will be actively preventing conception. This is at odds with what your heart and head wants. I totally empathise with your point that you need to find some way of coming to terms with this. Your two key points are DP low sperm count and reluctance to undergo invasive treatment. I have some questions - linked to some of my own thoughs.
Where was the sperm count tested? Although GP based tests are good those taken at fertility specialist look for a wider range of sperm factors. These affect treatemnt options. Which are not necessarily IVF. Plus, unless he is producing immature sperm it doesn't mean that you would never concieve naturally (I hope that doesn't sound unecessarily optimistic - I'm not trying to make light of your situation as as you could be talking years). The point i'm trying to make is that if you haven't been reffered to a fertility expert then go back to your GP and ask them to refer you. If you haven't had a chance to speak to an expert then you are missing a trick. BTW have you done a search on here for low sperm count? I only joined in December but have noticed that it not an uncommon issue.
Also, it is a little known fact that all fertility patients (including partners) are entitled to free counselling whether or not they decide to have active treatment. It sounds like you need someone outside of your situation to help you come talk thogh your options.
In the mean time there are always carign netters
My dh had his sperm tested at local hospital/through gp. Before we had my ds he did have a sperm test done as well as gp said it was on the low side but then said about longhall flights etc sometimes being responsible but I fell pregnant that month so it was never followed up.
This time the gp simply printed out the result and handed it to my dh without going through what it actually meant he only said that dhs count was approx 20% of what it should be and that although he wasnt infertile, he had limited fertility. (and then went on to tell dh that the best way to conceive was to only have sex once a month!).
The count was something like, from a sample of 4 ml, there were 5 million sperm which were mature and then the motility were broken down into stages i.e. motility 1, 2, 3 and 4 (have no idea what all that meant) but the motility 1, which I imagine to be the most active, was quite low as well.
Given that I have failed to fall pregnant in almost two years I think this all does make sense, and having looked online about low sperm counts, sperm seems to be a very little understood thing because there are so many factors that can contribute to sperm production.
I guess we just struck lucky when trying for ds, but I dont imagine that were likely to strike lucky a second time round.
I ended up not taking the pill last night, and as its the beginning of another month, Im back to indifference if that makes sense, but I know next month Ill be back here lol.
I honestly think he should push the GP for a referral to a urologist or at least a full work up.
Low sperm count CAN result from medical conditions and be treated.
Sounds like you have an unsypathetic and uncommunicative GP. i knw ther are a lot of them about but this takes the biscuit. Although i am not sayign ther is nothing wrong what you reding says is low not sub-fertile and as for the idea of having sex once a month in order to concieve you could be at it for yesrs with that advice. ordinarily the advice with a lower count is every other day during your fertile period not one strike and your out.
I really recommend that if you want to pursue this a little more that you go back and ask for a referral to a clinic. They will do the sperm test twice there (cos they acknowledge that there is daily/weekly variation) and they will also look fro a wider range of factor.
As for options. I much wiser person than me will surely come along soon but I think ther are more options than IVF. How about startin a thread called "low sperm count options" or something like that to encourage comments.
It must be so hard for you both but its a typically male reaction to let the decision get made for you and do nothing isnt it? I dont mean to be harsh or unfair towards your DH but in my experience, men often dont want to make a decision in case it turns out to be the wrong one. I do understand why you need action one way or the other.
If I was in your shoes, knowing my personality, I could not go for back on the pill and resign myself to that fate either. I think I would go for the assisted option, but thats just me, I cannot give up on things. As so many wiser MNetters have said, there are degrees of that and you can pursue the level you are both happy with.
I hope you find a decision that gives you peace soon, I really do.
Expat has a good point too about the underlying reasons behind it, something is not working properly and you need to know why I think.
fc we did have a little chuckele at the thought of only having sex once a month . it would be true to say that that particular gp is not noted for his helpfulness.
to be fair to my dh, he has, on numerous occasions, talked about having this explored further, but has never really got round to it, partly I think because he works in London so going to gp effectively means taking a day off work for every test, every result etc, and I do also think that every test etc just emphasises to him the fact that it's him with the problem iyswim. I don't feel it's my place to push it, after all it's his body, his sperm, if things were the other way round I wouldn't want to be pushed into having tests etc I maybe wasn't comfortable with so what gives me the right to insist he gets sorted?
I do really feel for you both, it is such a difficult thing for you both to deal with but from your own perspective, you really need to find peace of mind somehow.
If you want another child why go on the pill, just stay off and see what happens. My first dh had a super low count and we were told that without ivf or iui it wont happen naturally it was like 2 million!! I conceived naturally 7 months later when we had just given up until he got a better job. Now I have a new dh and I believe his swimmers are bad Put him on zinc, selenium, and vitamen E, boxers and warm not hot showers, this is really supposed to help with sperm count and motility, once a month for sex, whatever, sperm dies after 3 days so before you ov, make him wait 3 days without taking care of hisself or you guys having sex, makes it stronger too. good luck
Oh I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling WannaBe. Those feelings sound so familiar to me. We tried for nearly 4 years before I was finally sent for a scan and diagnosed with PCOS, so it was me with the problem not DH. I had all but given up hope and we were actively researching adoption (had a meeting lined up with a social worker) when I suddenly fell pregnant.
I know this mightn't be helpful but I just wanted to let you know that I've been there. I was just lucky that there was finally a happy ending. I hope there's one for you too. I think that you somehow need to find a way to go with the flow, and believe me I know how hard that is. But you need to come to terms with the way things might be, and hurrying that along by going back on the pill mightn't be the best way.
Thinking of you.
I'm a bit late piping up here, but I wanted to add that I have felt the same way and I decided to go on the Pill for three months straight.
Not only did I want a break from the monthly suspense, I also wanted to have no periods. Hey, if you're going to mess with the hormones, may as well do it right! No, seriously, I read that it is quite normal for women to have AF only once every 3 months, and it's only in modern societies where life is easier do we have AF every month.
But my background is that DH and I had had 6 failed IVFs and I was just sick of it all. And we had started an adoption procedure and I just didn't want to deal with the infertility at the same time.
I am really really happy to have gone on the Pill for those 3 months.
But I always knew that it was for a limited time, because we wanted to go back to IVF after the adoption.
Now our DD is here, and I'm on IVF 7. I feel a lot more relaxed about whether we succeed or not this time. Who knows how I'll feel if the result is actually negative, but as most of the misery happens before the result anyway, it's definitely been easier this time.
So in that context, it was a good thing to do. Trying to imagine the circumstances you described, I don't know if it would have helped if I hadn't been through all the IVFs and felt like I had tried "every available avenue" and been at the end of my tether.
If I hadn't tried everything (I mean IVF here), I think I would have felt that time was ticking away and going on the Pill would not have made me feel any better.
Just my perspective. I know there are a lot of differences between our two 'scenarios' but DH and I are mainly MF infertility, or what they like to call "unexplained", given that MF is mostly addressed by ICSI these days. Or so they told us.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.