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Couldn't find a thread to join - number 2.

(19 Posts)
archersfan22 Mon 14-Nov-16 20:35:01

I got quite confused with all the different threads and didn't seem to quite fit into any of them.
Just wanted to write things down to get it out of my head... it took quite a few years for number 1 to come along (we were waiting for an infertility referral when it just happened...).
We have just started trying (not very hard) for number 2, with some trepidation on my part as although I want another one I found the years of uncertainty and disappointment very difficult last time. Now it seems that I've got either v early miscarriage or poss an ectopic (off to GP later in week, don't think there's any need to go urgently as no significant pain or other worrying signs). So I have mixed feelings... clearly something has happened as the test was positive, so in some ways I'm pleased that it shows pregnancy is possible. (Also pregnancy loss is better than other explanations for the signs I've got - I'd half convinced myself I was in early menopause) However obviously it's a shame it didn't work out this time and part of me is worried it means that there's a problem of some sort. I'm not grieving or anything like that, (certainly am not seeing it as a baby though wouldn't judge anyone who did), just have quite mixed feelings about it. Enough rambling, thank you if you've read this and good luck to everyone else.

archersfan22 Mon 14-Nov-16 20:55:59

It has helped writing it down and imagining responses - I think what I need to hear is this sort of thing happens all the time to lots of people and doesn't necessarily mean anything in terms of chances of getting pregnant again afterwards. So I need to tell myself to go to the doctor and get their advice but otherwise keep busy and not dwell on it.

Phoenix76 Mon 14-Nov-16 23:10:05

I always believed that ttc would be a simple affair! How wrong I was, you're suddenly on a roller coaster you can't get off and trying not to stress about it seemed laughable. With dd1, she was a happy accident, looking back we hadn't really used contraception for a very long while, we weren't trying and I wasn't bothered about having children until dd1 arrived and when it came to ttc2 I tried so hard. I had a cm and was thinking my time was up, I was 39. Anyway, cutting a long story short, I am so lucky (doesn't begin to explain how I feel) that I now have my yearned for dd2 (8 months and I turned 40 a few weeks after she was born). Definitely get checked at the doctor for peace of mind but I just wanted to share with you that although the path is long, it's worth making the journey. You're not alone, please keep us posted.

DT2016 Tue 15-Nov-16 08:19:04

Archers - your journey sounds very similar to mine. We were going through the infertility testing and had just been prescribed Clomid to start on my next cycle...but that never came as I was already pregnant with DC1. It was a long time coming, but so worth the wait.

We have been trying for #2 since April and I was scared it was going to take forever again, but amazingly I fell pregnant in July. We were absolutely ecstatic. I'm 39 and baby would have been born a few months before my 40th. Unfortunately we lost our precious baby at 11 weeks and since then I've had 2 SMM's and still bleeding sad No sign of my cycle returning yet. So frustrating as I'm desperate to try again. My biological clock is loudly chiming away.

Get yourself to your Dr's to get checked and try to stay positive. It's such a tough, long road but there are so many miracle stories. Hopefully it will happen for us all soon.

Gingerchoc14 Tue 15-Nov-16 10:54:06

Archers, I'm sorry that you're going through this, it's a really tough time. From what I hear, it's very common. I have just experienced something similar myself (posted on a board about it only last night) - very early loss after positive hcg tests yet was convinced my cycles were shortening and I was heading for early menopause until I realised what the early bleeding was - failed implantation basically. Your GP should be able to confirm what's happening with a blood test - if you don't have significant pain hopefully that rules out an ectopic. I had a lot of cramping like bad period pains for a few days, but it was all over just a couple of days after my normal period would have ended. I've been trying for a while and was told to take away the positive that it shows conception is possible. There's also some anecdotal evidence that a "chemical" (strongly dislike that term) seems to make you more fertile in subsequent cycles. I have no idea if there's any real foundation for that and don't want to get my hopes up, but if it helps to continue the ttc journey in a spirit of optimism then that can only be a good thing. I hope you get to the bottom of what's been happening to you soon and that you recover quickly. Take care smile

archersfan22 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:47:01

Thank you for your responses, I'm from a family that really really doesn't talk about things like this so it really helps to talk here.

archersfan22 Thu 17-Nov-16 11:26:55

Hmm, been to doctors and still in a rubbish limbo where I need to wait and do another pregnancy test in 2 weeks - if positive they will check for an ectopic. I understand that it would probably be a waste of resources to investigate further at this point but it's frustrating not to know what's going on as I just want to get back to normal and try again.
Phoenix, I'm glad it happened for you in the end. DT2016 - sounds like you've had some draining experiences, hope you are looking after yourself and your cycles come back. Gingerchoc - good luck, yes I am definitely taking away the positive that something happened so quickly this time.

Gingerchoc14 Thu 17-Nov-16 18:05:49

Hello Archers, this seems like an awful long time to wait. In my case they did blood tests on a nearly daily basis to check what the hcg levels were doing. They went down pretty quickly because I started bleeding, but it did mean that I knew I was getting back to normal and that helped psychologically to get over the disappointment and look ahead to next month. Don't be afraid to go back to your GP if you're finding it difficult. As I'm sure you know, you could always do a cheap pregnancy test every 48 to see if the line starts fading to negative. If it's a chemical, I think it's usually ok to try again next cycle - I'm going to! Look after yourself and let us know how you get on x

archersfan22 Thu 17-Nov-16 19:41:19

Thank you - yes it did seem a long time (not sure I quite have that much patience) so I was planning to do another test at the weekend when I can do it in peace in the morning without a toddler 'helping'. I really don't want an ectopic, that just sounds like a lot of hassle.

MrsCharlieD Thu 17-Nov-16 20:35:13

Wow I could have written your post! Currently in cycle 6 of ttc dc2, already have ds who is 2.5yo. I had faintest positive a couple of weeks ago and then nothing but negatives. Af is well over a week late and no pain etc so don't think it's an ectopic. I just want my period to come so I can move on to the next cycle. I should add ds took 4 years to conceive although we weren't charting or anything, I was so naive back then. I'm 33 now and desperate for another baby!

archersfan22 Fri 18-Nov-16 12:03:44

Mrs Charlie, it does sound like we're in a similar situation: our first also took about 4 years. Good luck smile

archersfan22 Sat 19-Nov-16 15:23:26

I could maybe have convinced myself there was a line today but you had to look in the right light etc so I think negative or at least a definite fall in levels. So hopefully not an ectopic. I haven't had much cramping at all (though maybe more the last couple of days), just 2 weeks of bleeding. I'm guessing some kind of combination of breakthrough bleeding or attempt at implantation followed by loss? Surely at this early stage there can't be much to come out so it shouldn't take very long for just a 'straightforward' loss of the pregnancy?
I didn't know there was anything happening until the bleeding carried on for longer than a normal period at which point I tested so I don't feel like I was pregnant and then lost it if that makes sense, more that I've had some sort of blip in my cycles. I think I would have felt very differently if this had happened the first time round, especially once we'd been trying for a while.

Gingerchoc14 Tue 22-Nov-16 22:47:25

How are you doing today, Archers? I think mine was an attempt at implantation - spotting a few days before period due and then getting gradually heavier until it became a heavier and longer flow than usual af, plus lots of cramping. Sounds a bit like what you describe. Lost my bfp very quickly, but definitely had strong pregnancy symptoms so it did feel like a loss to me and I kept hoping there would be a miraculous turnaround - I had morning sickness, went off coffee (which I love) and breasts were huge within days. Must be super sensitive to hcg. I'm glad that for you it feels less like a loss and I guess one way of looking at it is that your body was just trying things out and hopefully it won't take long for the next attempt to "take". I've recently had quite a few health problems and lost weight - pretty sure that's why it didn't work for me. I got a peak on opk 2-3 days later than usual this cycle, so it didn't throw me out too much, though I haven't actually ovulated yet and don't know if my body has managed it - still waiting for temp rise. If it's really getting you down, I'd insist on a blood test at your GP's. I'm surprised this hasn't been offered to you. It really is horrible being in limbo and a blood test is much more sensitive than the urine pregnancy test and can thus give you a clearer picture of what's going on in terms of your hcg levels. Take care x

archersfan22 Wed 23-Nov-16 12:43:33

Thank you, I'm feeling quite positive about it at the moment, especially as the bleeding seems to have settled down now - really hoping it doesn't start up again as 2.5wks has been long enough...
I expect if I'd gone back to the GP and pestered they might have done blood tests but I doubt it would have told me anything more than the urine tests did, and I wasn't that keen to trail back to the surgery (never mind the EPU) with a toddler.
The GP I saw possibly wasn't the most helpful as he said if the test was still positive, however faint, I must still be pregnant and he could refer me to the midwives. hmm I politely declined so we agreed that if the test stayed positive I would get in touch for a midwife referral.
So now just need to wait and see what happens with cycles, haven't got into ovulation testing or anything yet (I didn't find them very helpful last time anyway), will try for a bit without first I think and see what happens.
After number 1 and before this my cycles had been really regular (unlike pre-child so it was a nice change) so I'm a bit annoyed just from a practical point of view that now I've got no idea when to expect a period again, but never mind. I'm still pretty surprised that anything at all happened so quickly so overall I'm quite encouraged. Last time it was 4 years of absolutely nothing at all which was really depressing.

archersfan22 Wed 23-Nov-16 13:35:34

PS I'm sorry that you have had some symptoms giving you false hope. I quite regularly get nauseous as part of PMT (occasionally actually throw up) - last time I used to convince myself every month that it was morning sickness... not helpful.

Gingerchoc14 Wed 23-Nov-16 22:58:18

Hi Archers, I'm glad you're doing OK and things seem to be settling down - hope it continues smile I know exactly what you mean about nausea and pmt! I have had it on the occasional cycle too and pretty much convinced myself it was my month, then felt stupid. However, going off coffee and nearly going up a bra size were a giveaway that something different was happening last month. Hopefully, I'll just know if I'm lucky enough to conceive again. I certainly won't be taking a pregnancy test until at least a week after I'm due on, though, if I get that far. Not worth the disappointment to have an early positive that doesn't stick.
Re. ovulation, I use the Clearblue digital dual hormone kit, as I found using the strips and other tests really unhelpful - I never knew how to interpret the second line accurately. I like that the CB one gives you a decent length fertile window and also then lets you know specifically when you have the LH surge, so you can really focus your efforts! It would just be too bloody exhausting to dtd every 2 days from end of period as is generally recommended... It's also kind of reassuring to know what's going on with the hormones too. Unfortunately, CB is quite pricey , but having used it for a couple of months it has helped me to pinpoint my usual O time, so reckon I'll be able to manage by paying attention to other signs if this ttc business goes on for months to come... I take my temperature too. Slightly obsessive yes hmm Take care chocolate

archersfan22 Thu 24-Nov-16 20:48:16

Thank you for explaining about the different tests, I thought they were all much the same. And it's a good point about using it for a bit to see roughly when it happens in the cycle and then predicting from there. Will wait for things to start again and take it from there, thank you. Good luck smile

Gingerchoc14 Thu 24-Nov-16 22:20:06

Thanks Archers, and to you too. All this ttc is so confusing - and consuming. Take care and hopefully see you on the December bus wink

archersfan22 Wed 14-Dec-16 09:12:29

Well I don't know for certain where I am in the cycle but fairly sure I'm coming to the end of the cycle after the early loss/chemical pregnancy/whatever else you want to call it.
And despite telling myself in no uncertain terms I was not going to imagine pregnancy symptoms I have now convinced myself I have:
-morning nausea
-ligament stretching
-implantation cramps
-early appendicitis (not pregnancy related obviously, but just to illustrate my vivid imagination...)
Am quite sure it is all PMS, esp as there was only one time that anything could have happened.
Argh, was so sure I wasn't going to do this every month again....

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