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Before ttc

(19 Posts)
firsttimer12345 Fri 28-Oct-16 16:01:18

Sorry if this sounds like a very cheeky question but just wondering what people's circumstances were before they started ttc for the first time.

To put it in context, we have been married nearly 2 years and I would love to have a baby but DH thinks we are not in a 'secure' enough position.

Can you ever be?!

EsmesBees Fri 28-Oct-16 16:04:59

I'm guessing he means financially? If so, you can never be completely secure as you never know what's around the corner, but we waited until to ttc until we had jobs with decent maternity/paternity packages and would cover the costs of childcare post baby.

firsttimer12345 Fri 28-Oct-16 16:07:41

Yes, financially.
I am self-employed so that wonderful maternity package is never going to appear! But he is very lucky with his job.

We have a house with a not cheap mortgage and a decent amount of money coming in, although admittedly mostly from DH.

MouseLove Fri 28-Oct-16 18:58:47

We have been married almost 8 years. We were together for 5 years previously. For us it's that we weren't in a secure position for us to bring a baby into our family as I am the main wage earner. We bought our house almost 5 years ago. Maybe ask your DH to elaborate. I would guess he would want you to maybe be more secure in your self employment??

haveacupoftea Fri 28-Oct-16 19:03:37

We waited til we owned our house and were cracking on a bit (30 is a scary age when youve only one ovary)

Jellybabie3 Fri 28-Oct-16 19:12:57

We have waited until we both had permenant jobs and had stayed in them for over a year. OH was on temporary contract until then. Now it seems unlikely we will leave (unless told to) and maternity package is secure. Im the main earner and we should be ok with childcare

SpaceDinosaur Fri 28-Oct-16 19:17:03

I'm self employed too OP. Baby 1 is due at the end of December.

I am also the primary breadwinner in our household.

We have a mortgage.

Married just over a year.

Am 33.

We saved very hard to ensure we would be in a secure financial position for me to take a leave from work and still be able to afford the mortgage etc.
I have taken on a few staff to cover aspects of my business when I am on Mat leave.

We planned for this very carefully. grin

firsttimer12345 Fri 28-Oct-16 19:25:56

Great to have perspective from all different circumstances.

Another spanner to throw into the works, DH was recently promoted and is now earning his salary plus what I'd ideally be earning after 2 years self-employed. So it must be my job stability he's worried about rather than actual monthly income?

firsttimer12345 Fri 28-Oct-16 19:26:55

Btw, I'm not planning on stopping work/having maternity leave proper.
My work is very flexible and can quite easily be done baby in tow if no complications.

BestBeastie Fri 28-Oct-16 19:50:47

well then you really do need to pin him down: sounds like there aren't financial worries to speak of and you've got it covered your end.

Might be he's feeling anxiety. I think men are groomed from a young age to feel the weight of THE DEMON PROVIDER fall upon them. And I think that scares most of them.

Do it now - nothing will ever be perfect and you don't know what's ahead.

LaPharisienne Fri 28-Oct-16 19:55:56

To give you some grist for your mill, DP and I were unmarried, renting and both of us were in insecure jobs with a serious sort of "OMG GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW" feeling to them.

Then we had a baby! And everything is absolutely wonderful.


ricepolo Fri 28-Oct-16 19:58:24

haveacupoftea - unless you've been told otherwise, having one ovary shouldn't make any difference to your fertility. I had my first baby with both ovaries in tact, then lost one ovary to cancer. Since then I've had two babies, both conceived first month trying at 30 and 32 respectively. As I understand it, your single ovary simply takes over the work of the two, so you still get a period every month (not every other, like some people assume!) and therefore a shot at ttc. You're therefore not in any different a position to someone with two ovaries. Good luck!!

harrietm87 Fri 28-Oct-16 20:00:06

We are starting in January. Both of us 29, been together 7 years, got married in September. We've delayed ttc as wanted to be married first (old fashioned families), established in our careers, and living in London everything just seems to take a lot longer. Only a couple of friends already have babies but loads currently pregnant as they are in similar positions to us. We own a 1 bed flat but hope to move before we have a baby.

firsttimer12345 Fri 28-Oct-16 20:01:30

The irony is, my business will only do better by having a baby because I'll be making all sorts of connections that I don't have already which will be helpful.

I feel like I've talked myself into it being the most sensible path!

confusedat23 Sun 30-Oct-16 19:02:47

Hi I am also in the same position. OH wants to be more financially secure as i am the primary bread winner, but i have a massive baby fund to cover the bills etc whilst off work and get childcare help through work. Starting to think its just an excuse to be honest! But it was lovely to see your post to know im not alone! Xxx

confusedat23 Sun 30-Oct-16 19:03:25

Sorry meant DH**

oldlaundbooth Sun 30-Oct-16 19:04:56

Married five years, just bought a house, both employed full time.

firsttimer12345 Sun 30-Oct-16 19:32:56

We've had a bit of a chat about it over the weekend so at least things are clearer!

He's mostly just worried about my business but less worried now we've had a chat...

BethanyCourt Tue 01-Nov-16 21:28:33

I've been proper broody for years, but dp has only just recently felt the same. He says as long as a few things are in place (like starting the moving process by putting our 1 bed flat on the market) we can start trying on our honeymoon in late 2017. He finishes his masters in June (paid for by his work) so will get a pay rise and I'm in a decent graduate role with health insurance and a good maternity package. We'll see.

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